Saturday, June 23, 2007
Yeah it was quality Browny - the boys did the naked car shagging in the road outside the B&B (which was also top quality - twins or single rooms, most ensuite, nice breakfast - it was so good that we kept our in-B&B shennanigans to a minimum).
For any who haven't somehow had the text, training starts again this Thursday, 7pm at Henwick. Just a gentle starter this week, but we'll be ramping it up pretty quickly so try not to miss out on the early ones otherwise you'll be playing catch up.
I had a week off the gym last week, so that means I'll either be full of potential energy or back to being an unfit old bastard. We shall see.
Looking forward to getting back into it. For those who don't know, 4 clubs ended up getting promoted from Div 2 last season, so it's us lot, Bucklebury and a bunch of cocks.
For any who haven't somehow had the text, training starts again this Thursday, 7pm at Henwick. Just a gentle starter this week, but we'll be ramping it up pretty quickly so try not to miss out on the early ones otherwise you'll be playing catch up.
I had a week off the gym last week, so that means I'll either be full of potential energy or back to being an unfit old bastard. We shall see.
Looking forward to getting back into it. For those who don't know, 4 clubs ended up getting promoted from Div 2 last season, so it's us lot, Bucklebury and a bunch of cocks.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Sounds like an awesome weekend chaps, gutted I missed it, but I was sunning it in Menorca with the family. Some great videos and great pictures not sure about the nakedness though, where was that taken? Looking forward to seeing you all soon to hear the stories hopefully at the presentation evening.
With regards your text shane, any date is good for presenation so i will go with the majority.
With regards your text shane, any date is good for presenation so i will go with the majority.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
I have no desire to see your testes Smurf thank you very much. And if I ever do have such a desire, I have one photo with, one photo without (scary fucking stuff) and one video with odd glimpses...
Not that I've watched it in that much detail, obviously.
Never shagged a car Mr Sills? That's your stag night sorted then.
Not that I've watched it in that much detail, obviously.
Never shagged a car Mr Sills? That's your stag night sorted then.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Quick clip.
Explanation as follows:-
Drunk girl staggers around not remember one second from the next. She sees Matt and thinks he is Prince William (there are photos of her bowing to him). She staggers around and ends up talking to Dave Lewis, who she thinks is Matt, who she thinks is Prince William.
Once she's finished talking to Dave (i.e. Dave walks away) she then spies Matt, who she realises looks even more like Prince William than Matt, who is Dave, who was Matt, before it was Dave. Keep up it's really quite simple.
She fell on her arse soon after this anyway.
Explanation as follows:-
Drunk girl staggers around not remember one second from the next. She sees Matt and thinks he is Prince William (there are photos of her bowing to him). She staggers around and ends up talking to Dave Lewis, who she thinks is Matt, who she thinks is Prince William.
Once she's finished talking to Dave (i.e. Dave walks away) she then spies Matt, who she realises looks even more like Prince William than Matt, who is Dave, who was Matt, before it was Dave. Keep up it's really quite simple.
She fell on her arse soon after this anyway.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
I'll carry on from leaving VanBons or VanVons or whatever it was called. Six of us left (Me, Matty, Crabby, Tony, Macca and JT) in search for a place not filled with people who sleep with their sisters.
Pretty much went straight back into the Venue club again. Witnessed really rough but quite fit blond bird arguing with her brother about who gets to go on top tonight while queuing to get in. Damn it.
A couple of beers in and all our stomach's decide they've had enough beer. Half of us decide to make our own cocktails with 3 different girly drinks at £19 a round. They were a weird looking green colour and had more sugar in them than a Tate and Lyle factory could produce in a day. Some really tall blond bird thought she'd try and dance with us at the table we were stood at. She stood up, held onto the table fell over taking a table full of about 20 drinks with her. We Laughed. She Left.
Wasn't as good in there as the Friday night but we had a laugh. Did a bit more dancing (to one of the best sort of club tunes ever. Yomanda - Synth and Strings). Then he played a really shit song, then a good one, then a really really shit one.....you get my drift.
Oh, we also saw a midget. I found this hilarious.
We left at who knows what time, sang American Pie with a tramp and a group of girls with pink wigs. Matty abused a Smack head by running up to her and shouting "Smack head, Smack Head! While slapping the shit out of his own fore head. Very funny. Found a sandwich shop open. Got some sausage rolls. Tony nearly got shit on again. Then walked back while ringing Smurf, Ben, Vicky, Browny, Gareth and anyone else's number we could manage to dial. No one answered.
Then we got a bit silly and did something Me and Matty dreamt up while queuing at the bar. This was the outcome.......
Pretty much went straight back into the Venue club again. Witnessed really rough but quite fit blond bird arguing with her brother about who gets to go on top tonight while queuing to get in. Damn it.
A couple of beers in and all our stomach's decide they've had enough beer. Half of us decide to make our own cocktails with 3 different girly drinks at £19 a round. They were a weird looking green colour and had more sugar in them than a Tate and Lyle factory could produce in a day. Some really tall blond bird thought she'd try and dance with us at the table we were stood at. She stood up, held onto the table fell over taking a table full of about 20 drinks with her. We Laughed. She Left.
Wasn't as good in there as the Friday night but we had a laugh. Did a bit more dancing (to one of the best sort of club tunes ever. Yomanda - Synth and Strings). Then he played a really shit song, then a good one, then a really really shit one.....you get my drift.
Oh, we also saw a midget. I found this hilarious.
We left at who knows what time, sang American Pie with a tramp and a group of girls with pink wigs. Matty abused a Smack head by running up to her and shouting "Smack head, Smack Head! While slapping the shit out of his own fore head. Very funny. Found a sandwich shop open. Got some sausage rolls. Tony nearly got shit on again. Then walked back while ringing Smurf, Ben, Vicky, Browny, Gareth and anyone else's number we could manage to dial. No one answered.
Then we got a bit silly and did something Me and Matty dreamt up while queuing at the bar. This was the outcome.......
A very quick overview of the Torquay tour cos I've got a busy week and don't know when I'll be able to do a longer update and don't want it to be out of date info:-
Names may have been changed to protect the innocent. (so if your name has been changed and you don't think it needs to be then let me know - no one actually did anything wrong you just never know how people (women) are going to react to this stuff)
Various parties arrived at various times on Friday, some were pissed already, some headed straight to a dive of a pub called The Lansdowne to "engineer" the pool table into allowing free pool to be played all day. I'll not go into details about my afternoon cos I'm not entirely sure what happened.
Either way, everybody then made their way down into town on the Friday evening, accompanied by Macca's belt buckle (which I've realised I never got a close-up photo of - so this is needed).
Bars, clubs and pubs passed. I've realised that my recollection of Friday night is not what it might have been. I remember dancing in Yates' when no other fucker was in there. I remember Macca and "Hugo" talking to a couple of right mingers and "Larry" talking to some German hoes. Macca wowed the women in Bar Med til the mingers turned up and cramped his style. Oh, "Hugo" seemed to spend the first hour of the evening being groomed by a Crimean War veteran who told him that he owned the pub we were drinking in (whilst carrying his belongings around in a carrier bag).
Ended up in a club called Venue which was actually okay. Lots of dancing going on with myself and "Eddie" vying for the close-up dancing attention of the off-her-head raver chick who would only dance with you if she thought you were also off-your-head on Ecstaticness or whatever those crazy kids are calling it these days.
I had a kebab. Others stayed longer and saw various fights/kickings/throwings out.
I'm sure there must be more to that night so suggestions on a postcard please - my brain is one big gap.
Saturday started with a hearty breakfast for which all were present. We then moved on to the water park which wasn't open yet. Footy on the beach ensued. I say beach, "some sand and stones" is more realistic. Skins won on a next-goal-wins rule.
Water park was a sure-fire hit. Been ages since I've been told off by a cute (insert age here - very hard to tell) year old for not coming down a slide feet first on my rubber tube. I'm 34. The next time a cute teenager talks to me about a rubber tube she'll be attaching it to my bowels.
Highlights had to be the Kamikaze distance competitions (Ilsley and Atkins winners respectively), Adam throwing Miller's tube down the ride without Miller on it and Adam (spot the pattern) throwing someon's tube just completely off the whole ride from 40 feet up in the air.
Smurf tried to rape Macca in the changing rooms.
Off for lunch in Paignton then the Pirate-themed crazy golf. I have an ancestor who was a pirate, so I was in my element. Shit at golf though, so JT actually stormed through to claim the kitty, while Adam took last place with a dismal 12 over par, though Dave Screw was the only one to hole the 18th.
Quick stop back at the B&B to drop off bags and put pants on, then off to a beer garden for a few afternoon bevvies. All very nice.
Somehow things seemed to take a turn here - back to the B&B for showers and changing into evening gear. A combination of the sun we'd caught during the day, the alcohol consumed that day, the alcohol consumed the day/night before and the lack of sleep, seemed to catch different people in different ways. I'm ashamed to say me worst of all, as when I sat down in the curry house I got the feeling that if I tried to stand up again my body was going to react in a random manner.
Other people suffered a the same point, seemed to be the gap in drink consumption plus maybe the temperature in the curry house. Dave Screw looked worse of all (especially after devouring a spicy jalfrezi) but, true to form, drank his mofo-ing way through it all.
Random moment where ugly fat bird struggling to maintain her balance suddenly looked at Matt and said "PRINCE WILLIAM!!!" and started bowing. "Hugo" nicked her camera in the hope that she had taken some photos of her Fallujah at some point earlier in her trip to Torquay.
Various bars and clubs, mingers and maids and pirates showing their bras on the table later, we made a break for a meat-market nightclub, where some of us stayed, some of us retired and some of us went back into town cos they'd found their energy reserves or still wanted to touch up women in dark bars.
From here I have to leave the story, as while I managed to make it through midnight I didn't make it much further and, suffering badly, limped home to bed. I have heard rumours of activites from those who went back into town, but they are yet to be confirmed (apparently with photo evidence).
I know this. Torquay is easily a match for Newquay, and it was a top weekend away where everyone stuck together like glue and the group dynamic was extremely strong - a great laugh so well done to everyone. Special thanks to Dave Screw for suggesting which bar next, which club next, where to eat, what to do during the day and all that.
Further updates tomorrow as more info comes to light and my memory starts to kick back in a bit.
And I have a 60-second plus video of Smurf getting changed (full on) if anyone wants it.
No?
Names may have been changed to protect the innocent. (so if your name has been changed and you don't think it needs to be then let me know - no one actually did anything wrong you just never know how people (women) are going to react to this stuff)
Various parties arrived at various times on Friday, some were pissed already, some headed straight to a dive of a pub called The Lansdowne to "engineer" the pool table into allowing free pool to be played all day. I'll not go into details about my afternoon cos I'm not entirely sure what happened.
Either way, everybody then made their way down into town on the Friday evening, accompanied by Macca's belt buckle (which I've realised I never got a close-up photo of - so this is needed).
Bars, clubs and pubs passed. I've realised that my recollection of Friday night is not what it might have been. I remember dancing in Yates' when no other fucker was in there. I remember Macca and "Hugo" talking to a couple of right mingers and "Larry" talking to some German hoes. Macca wowed the women in Bar Med til the mingers turned up and cramped his style. Oh, "Hugo" seemed to spend the first hour of the evening being groomed by a Crimean War veteran who told him that he owned the pub we were drinking in (whilst carrying his belongings around in a carrier bag).
Ended up in a club called Venue which was actually okay. Lots of dancing going on with myself and "Eddie" vying for the close-up dancing attention of the off-her-head raver chick who would only dance with you if she thought you were also off-your-head on Ecstaticness or whatever those crazy kids are calling it these days.
I had a kebab. Others stayed longer and saw various fights/kickings/throwings out.
I'm sure there must be more to that night so suggestions on a postcard please - my brain is one big gap.
Saturday started with a hearty breakfast for which all were present. We then moved on to the water park which wasn't open yet. Footy on the beach ensued. I say beach, "some sand and stones" is more realistic. Skins won on a next-goal-wins rule.
Water park was a sure-fire hit. Been ages since I've been told off by a cute (insert age here - very hard to tell) year old for not coming down a slide feet first on my rubber tube. I'm 34. The next time a cute teenager talks to me about a rubber tube she'll be attaching it to my bowels.
Highlights had to be the Kamikaze distance competitions (Ilsley and Atkins winners respectively), Adam throwing Miller's tube down the ride without Miller on it and Adam (spot the pattern) throwing someon's tube just completely off the whole ride from 40 feet up in the air.
Smurf tried to rape Macca in the changing rooms.
Off for lunch in Paignton then the Pirate-themed crazy golf. I have an ancestor who was a pirate, so I was in my element. Shit at golf though, so JT actually stormed through to claim the kitty, while Adam took last place with a dismal 12 over par, though Dave Screw was the only one to hole the 18th.
Quick stop back at the B&B to drop off bags and put pants on, then off to a beer garden for a few afternoon bevvies. All very nice.
Somehow things seemed to take a turn here - back to the B&B for showers and changing into evening gear. A combination of the sun we'd caught during the day, the alcohol consumed that day, the alcohol consumed the day/night before and the lack of sleep, seemed to catch different people in different ways. I'm ashamed to say me worst of all, as when I sat down in the curry house I got the feeling that if I tried to stand up again my body was going to react in a random manner.
Other people suffered a the same point, seemed to be the gap in drink consumption plus maybe the temperature in the curry house. Dave Screw looked worse of all (especially after devouring a spicy jalfrezi) but, true to form, drank his mofo-ing way through it all.
Random moment where ugly fat bird struggling to maintain her balance suddenly looked at Matt and said "PRINCE WILLIAM!!!" and started bowing. "Hugo" nicked her camera in the hope that she had taken some photos of her Fallujah at some point earlier in her trip to Torquay.
Various bars and clubs, mingers and maids and pirates showing their bras on the table later, we made a break for a meat-market nightclub, where some of us stayed, some of us retired and some of us went back into town cos they'd found their energy reserves or still wanted to touch up women in dark bars.
From here I have to leave the story, as while I managed to make it through midnight I didn't make it much further and, suffering badly, limped home to bed. I have heard rumours of activites from those who went back into town, but they are yet to be confirmed (apparently with photo evidence).
I know this. Torquay is easily a match for Newquay, and it was a top weekend away where everyone stuck together like glue and the group dynamic was extremely strong - a great laugh so well done to everyone. Special thanks to Dave Screw for suggesting which bar next, which club next, where to eat, what to do during the day and all that.
Further updates tomorrow as more info comes to light and my memory starts to kick back in a bit.
And I have a 60-second plus video of Smurf getting changed (full on) if anyone wants it.
No?
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
My agent and Mr Taylor had a meeting this morning regarding my wages for the up and coming season, it looks as if they are struggling to agree terms and therefore if someone meets the clause in my contract I may well be sold...
This may well mean that if we do have a kick about on a patch of grass in Torquay, there's a possibility a few scouts maybe there - no not cub scouts.
I'll await your contributions/abuse.
This may well mean that if we do have a kick about on a patch of grass in Torquay, there's a possibility a few scouts maybe there - no not cub scouts.
I'll await your contributions/abuse.
There's no game on the Saturday. I don't think the other team could get a team together, Dave Screw sorted out the opportunity for us lot all to get an astro-turf pitch for a coupla hours but it was quite a way out of town and I figured it could be a bad move with weather/hangover/fatigue/etc...
So at the moment a nearby water park is looking like the best option for Saturday daytime - I'll text everyone to tell them to bring something to get wet in. It'll then be good even if the weather's not ideal because it still looks warm-ish maybe just with a shower now and then and we'll be wet anyway - might just keep the place not absolutely jam-packed.
If it's way hot/way busy then we can always just get a cricket set or a footy and head down to one of the parks near the seafront.
If it's absolutely shit weather then an all-afternoon pub visit may well be the only solution, or a sea-fishing excursion for those who can handle it. Take the fish to a curry house and go "there you go my man, make that into a chicken madras".
A for Smurfy's text. I got it too, but that shouldn't really allay any fears about being pre-dropped from the squad. As far as I'm aware we have no drop-outs at this point. Gareth is certainly up for it, asking when training is starting up again, I guess we can all have a chat about that at the weekend.
I know of one potential addition to the squad but a) he'll have to be pretty damn good and b) I don't think Smurfy's particularly on the look out for anyone else at this point given the size/quality of the existing squad.
So at the moment a nearby water park is looking like the best option for Saturday daytime - I'll text everyone to tell them to bring something to get wet in. It'll then be good even if the weather's not ideal because it still looks warm-ish maybe just with a shower now and then and we'll be wet anyway - might just keep the place not absolutely jam-packed.
If it's way hot/way busy then we can always just get a cricket set or a footy and head down to one of the parks near the seafront.
If it's absolutely shit weather then an all-afternoon pub visit may well be the only solution, or a sea-fishing excursion for those who can handle it. Take the fish to a curry house and go "there you go my man, make that into a chicken madras".
A for Smurfy's text. I got it too, but that shouldn't really allay any fears about being pre-dropped from the squad. As far as I'm aware we have no drop-outs at this point. Gareth is certainly up for it, asking when training is starting up again, I guess we can all have a chat about that at the weekend.
I know of one potential addition to the squad but a) he'll have to be pretty damn good and b) I don't think Smurfy's particularly on the look out for anyone else at this point given the size/quality of the existing squad.
Its all very quiet on here.
So whats the plan for the weekend? Is there a game on saturday or did that not come off?
The weathers not looking really bad. 90% chance of rain on Friday and 30% on saturday. its still going to be close to 20 Degrees all weekend though. So it shouldn't be too bad hopefully.
After Smurfy's text this morning, do we have anyone not signing on next season? Or did no one else get a text cos smurf is just hoping i wont be. Hmmmm Interesting.
So whats the plan for the weekend? Is there a game on saturday or did that not come off?
The weathers not looking really bad. 90% chance of rain on Friday and 30% on saturday. its still going to be close to 20 Degrees all weekend though. So it shouldn't be too bad hopefully.
After Smurfy's text this morning, do we have anyone not signing on next season? Or did no one else get a text cos smurf is just hoping i wont be. Hmmmm Interesting.
Monday, June 11, 2007
http://metcheck.com/V40/UK/FREE/dayforecast.asp?zipcode=Torquay&day=4
Your daily update from Smurfy Fish
Your daily update from Smurfy Fish
Yes this weekend. Everyone making their way down sometime on Friday and limping home sometime on Sunday. Weather forecast sucks. This year, I am determined not to stay up giggling like schoolgirls til 5am on the Saturday morning. I will get thoroughly pissed, but then get some sleep, so that on the Saturday night I have enough energy to chew my curry properly, not like last year.
I blame me. 2 years ago for Newquay I got myself nice and fit and in shape and bought myself some new shorts for afternoons on the beach. That was the year we had that hellish surfing session in the monsoon.
Last year I was a big fat bloater and the weather was great.
This year I'm cut like a ninja, so the weather will be shit. I looked an hour ago and they said that Friday was gonna be sunny but windy, now they've changed it.
Our only hope is that they really haven't got a clue what they're doing so we'll just have to wait and see. The probable Saturday activity is a water park so we'll be wet anyway...
Last year I was a big fat bloater and the weather was great.
This year I'm cut like a ninja, so the weather will be shit. I looked an hour ago and they said that Friday was gonna be sunny but windy, now they've changed it.
Our only hope is that they really haven't got a clue what they're doing so we'll just have to wait and see. The probable Saturday activity is a water park so we'll be wet anyway...
Monday, June 04, 2007
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