It was good, took a bit of time to warm up, but even in the first 15 minutes or so we were pushing forwards more - just struggled to show any composure or control so it was all a bit scrappy.

Lewis showed the first bit of composure in the box to lay the ball off to Neil and he scored to show how easy it could be if we just settled down. Miller was causing their defence all sorts of problems and forced the ball through to Lewis who made it 2-0. Miller then fired the ball off the post/cross bar and moments later turned the defender beautifully to dink the ball into the net but the ref disallowed it for a foul - it wasn't it was just proper football.

We had a few more chances, they didn't really have any, a couple of corners but nothing dangerous. It was 2-0 at half time. At the beginning of the second half we were rubbish again, but still not bad enough to really look threatened. Think we were under the impression that the game was already won and it was easier to not put much more effort in. That's probably being a bit harsh but there was definitely a slow-down from the constant improvement there'd been throughout the first half.

Smurf put me and Beeny on for JT and Miller (who had both put in a crap load of effort in the first half) and the rest is history. Within minutes Beeny had put a peachy cross in (to the sound effect of me going "no!" cos I thought he'd have been better passing it to feet, only to watch Hilly rise and guide the ball into the bottom corner - doh. Then Smurfy put Browny on for Crabbeman, who had also put a lot of effort in, and Browny was a man possessed. He linked up really well with Grundy down the left hand side and they kept passing the ball to me. I was trying to remember what this footy lark is all about and eventually Browny found me (again mid "no!" cos I thought I was offside) so I turned and lifted the ball past the keeper into the net and ran off celebrating. Fully expected the goal to be disallowed, but there you go, 4-0.

We had a shit load more chances after that, Neil came close, Genghis should have scored twice and I'm sure there were more. Then Browny attempted some overhead kick clearance and they scored instead. Then Beeny capitalised on a crap clearance and pinged the ball into the top corner with a looping effort, before clattering the bar with another volley moments later.

We were all over em really, 5-1 was fairly flattering to them but at the same time we've played a hell of a lot better and come away with nothing this season, so we'll take what we got and move on. Best thing was that the spirit was good and everyone worked really hard for each other. Ad got man of the match for pretty much ruining 90% of their football - nothing went through the middle of the park at all without his permission. Neil came second cos he caused them trouble throughout the game and on another day could have had a hat trick. JT came third, dunno why.

That was it. Smurf got his knob out in front of the ref. I was watching the "blind penalties" before kick off and saw two people in a row hit the bar, so I said I'd run the line with my cock out if the next person hit the bar. Shouldn't have said that. Cold day for The Little Fireman, I can tell you.

Think that was it - if I missed out any particular incidents from anyone then I apologise. Good game though, we needed it. And, typically, who do we play the week after a good performance? That's right, nobody. We might be having a night out on Saturday though and I'll be looking for a place to crash, so if you're okay with the whole "Cat and Shane" thing and are happy that no matter how much she tries to seduce me I'm mentally strong enough to resist, I'd be delighted. I don't mind which one of us gets the sofa...