I could talk you through my goals but it would take far too long due to the colossal number of them. I got a bit of early stick for "goal hanging" but soon silenced my critics by telling them to fuck off and by engaging in a series of sweeping moves and individual flair. Peter Crouch was on the phone yesterday asking me if I could help him out with his own boo-boys. Was kinda hard to hear him though on account of me shouting "SHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT" down the phone at him. Very awkward conversation.

Why didn't I guess that the name of Frew would already be blacklisted? "Yes officer, I took the young man to the address he stated and he ran off without paying. I gave chase but lost him and returned to my car to find it sat up on bricks and missing a stereo..."