What about if I keep throwing bottles of beer onto the pitch in the place where I want you to be? That way I can get a 90 minute sprint out of you? Actually, that would only be an added 5 minutes on your normal performance at the moment and would cost me a fortune. So fuck it.

As for Matt, Genghis kicked me last night, you're not missing much - and I can't really explain it but it seemed to take about 10 seconds for me to fall over, thereby convincing everyone that I dived. I didn't, but if I'd been watching I would have thought I did. I think I just about had enough time to cover Beeny's zone before I had to fall. But, until your back is completely better, not just well enough to play, then you can whistle for a game, cos there's no point having you back for 50 minutes just to lose you for half a season again.

Fair play if Newy thinks he'll be okay, I'll just have to name the subs and see how the game goes again.