It certainly is a valiant effort young Mr C. However if sleep is a problem for you I have the ideal solution, and it bloody well works.

1. No alcohol. Although alcohol helps you drift into a stupor, it actually keeps your depth of sleep minimal, meaning a pissed up 9 hours is no better than a normal 4 hours. Nobody can exist on 4 hours sleep, even Maggie Thatcher suffered, and she was a robot from the future.

(Just a theory)

2. Exercise. This knackers you out more than anything and ensures your body goes into a deeper sleep, meaning 5 hours of it can do as much good as 7 hours. And 6 hours is better than getting drunk and sleeping for a weekend. God knows what 8 hours does for you, probably develops super-powers like flight or x-ray vision, go careful and set your alarm.

3. Piss. Take a squizz before you go to bed. It works.

4. Counting sheep. Take a drive out to the country and actually count sheep, this won't help you sleep, but hopefully will get you away from any alcohol, thereby at least achieving point 1.

5. Lingerie. If you wear women's underwear, you're a poof. This has nothing to do with sleep.

6. Go to bed early and read a book. You'll have no friends by the end of the year, but you'll sleep like a baby. A baby called Billy.

Good luck with all that.