Some friday funnies for you.... sorry Dave!!!!!


At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge scouse bloke - 6ft 5in tall and 350lbs. He's having a few beers when a short, well dressed, obviously gay man walks in and sits beside him.
After 3 or 4 beers, the gay fella finally plucks up the courage to say something to the big Liverpudlian. Leaning over, he cups his huge ear and asks "Do you want a blow job?".
At this, the massive Merseysider leaps up with fire in his eyes and smacks the man in the face. Knocking him off the stool, he proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar. Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the car park and returns to his seat as if nothing had happened.
Amazed the bartender quickly brings over another beer. "I've never seen you react like that" he says. "Just what did he say to you?" I'm not sure" the big scouser replies. "Something about a job."


A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to the counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job".
The man behind the counter replied "Your timing is amazing. We've just got a listing from a very wealthy man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll have to drive around in a big black Mercedes, uniform provided. Because of the long hours of this job meals will also be provided and you will also be required to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays. The salary package is £200,000 a year".
"You're bullsh*tting me!" The scouser said
"Well you f***** started it!" replied the man behind the counter.


Q. If you see a Scouser on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle


Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Merseyside?
A: Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin there


Q: What's the difference between a Scouser and a coconut?
A: One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut