MENS RULES
>
>
> Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
>
> Any Man who brings a camera to a Stag night may be legally killed and eaten
> by his mates.
>
> It is ok for a man to cry under the following Circumstances:
> a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
> b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
> c. After wrecking your boss' car.
> d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
> e. When she is using her teeth
>
> Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of
> jail within 12 hours.
>
> If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
> forever, unless you actually marry her.
>
> Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden.
> Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
>
> No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In
> fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.
>
> On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the
> weakest.
>
>
> When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the
> score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
>
> You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
> climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
> entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
>
> It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're Sunning
> on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and
> it's free.
>
> Only in situations of Moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick
> another bloke in the nuts.
>
> Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
>
> Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
>
> If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
>
> Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until
> they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as
> the other sports watchers.
>
> You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a
> girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw
> it into a ceiling fan.
>
> A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober
> enough to fight.
>
> Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but
> not both - that's just mean.
>
> If you complement a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about
> his
> choice of beer.
>
> Never join your girlfriend or wife in dissing a Mate of yours, except if
> she's withholding s3x pending your response.
>
> Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
> a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
> b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
> c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
>
> Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: Both
> urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost
> imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
>
> Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you
> are able to have s3x with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if
> necessary.
>
> You cannot grass on a colleague who shows up at work with a massive
> hangover. You may however, hide the aspirin, smear his chair with cheese,
> turn the brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor is
> broken, and have him paged over the loud speaker every seven minutes.>
>
> The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have
> carnal drunken monkey s3x, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is
> no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big
> mistake it was.
>
> It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to
> drive yours.
>
> Thou shalt not buy a car with an engine capacity of less than 1.5 litres.
>
> Thou shall not really buy a car with less than 1.8 litres, 16 valves, and a
> turbo.
>
> Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, Orange
> or sky blue.
>
> The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with
> "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a Playstation 2.