Good, good... I'm feeling pretty hopeful about Sunday, think we can give them a run for there money.

At least this time you can 'try before you buy' on your kinky outfits !!

A lady walks into a Furniture Store. She browses around, then spots the perfect leather sofa and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now.
As she turns back, sure enough, there standing next to her is a salesman.
"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely leather sofa?"
He answers, "Madame, I'm very sorry to say that if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit when you hear the price."

Know the feeling mate, Julie's not so bothered about me going to Sinless, but she gets jealous when I tell her about Valhalla! Oh, the photo opportunities I'm thinking of, my mind is glowing. Long way to go just for one ride, but it's worth it... Once again, Valhalla not Sinless.

Yes I am playing on Sunday. Im still going to London but I am going to come back in the evening. Im taking Mandy to Blackpool at the end of the month, shes been nagging at me to take her for ages. While im there im going to see if I can get a refund on the cat suit.

Gross Matt.

Janet just called me from the Gynway to say that she'd forgotten to bank the cheque for the deposit. I had to quickly nip onto my internet banking and check while she was on the phone. Cheeky mutha! I'd sent her a cheque with the wrong name on it, so I'd sent her another one and she was trying to cash them both! At least she called. I guess if she'd come to cash the wrong one you'd have to hope they'd have said "But this aint your name"

That is unless she'd gone to an HSBC branch.

After her fifth child, Lucy decided that she should have cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory because her womanhood was dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace.

Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly packed kebab.

Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find
three roses at the end of the bed. "Who are these from?" she asked the nurse."They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them".

"Well" said the nurse."The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks". "Ah,that's really nice".said Lucy. "The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!" "Brilliant!" said Lucy."And the third?"

"That's from Eric in the burns unit." said the nurse. "He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears!!"

I laughed Shane - Anything to do with 'The Cat that got the Queen?' No? Right, how about Dick Whittington? Quite frankly, I dont know.

Anyone know why my computer wont let me onto Hotmail? Its saying something about being behind a Firewall...

Yeah it must be off, he was planning to take Mandy to see the Queen.

Bet that's lost on most of you. Anyone who laughs at that gets a starting place in the squad if they can explain why. Anyone who doesn't laugh gets no place.

We lost.... 10 - 7.....! The score flattered them. Both teams played really well, and we didn't have a (proper) goalie... (Reckon Smurf bottled it!!). Probably would have been a good game to watch. And it was fairly clean game which was quite a surprise!!

No injuries... Think they had a few battered ego's. I think they thought they were gunna walk it, as they've never lost since it's been running (even thou they still have the 100% record!). To be fair they played some great football. And they won 8-0 in there next game! (Just trying to make us sound better....)

I had an absolute blinder in Midfield, I'm sure I heard one of them say... "I hope he doesn't play on Sunday".......

Then I woke up and had to go to work.

Is Neil (Neil are you..) playing on Sunday? I heard summit about him (you...) going to London on Saturday night? Or is that now canceled after the cat suit palaver...

Matt, how'd you get on last night? No injuries I hope (to us at least).

Anyone know how to pick a starting eleven out of the squad we've got? Buggered if I know. Pretty much know my goalkeeper, defence and strikeforce, but that bastard midfield...

At least if people aren't featured this week then they must be sure that it's one game and one game only. I know people want more consistency but that aint gonna be possible for probably up until Christmas.

Oh fuck you then.

Shocking. Browny should definatly repay me in some way, but I dont fancy a lap dance from him, surely that would increase the debt? I could ask for a drink, but I have to be realistic in my request. Im not gonna let it lie though, and seeing as Browny doesnt come onto this site then we can all but our minds together and come up with some genius idea...

Paul - There are plenty of girls I could set you up with, but you dont want my cast-offs...so I would suggest you go and search in Suffolk to avoid that happening!! Failing that, go for anyone aged under 17 or over 40, I probably havent had them.

Oh, and my missis always wears a Cat suit. (Geddit?! She's called Cat, see what Ive done there?! Sheer Quality. )

I hear Steve Tab is great at tracking back...

Na, you've got to do something he won't enjoy....

Macchew: Northcroft are doing an outdoor 5-a-side league if you're interested... I'll bring the paperwork on Thursday night.

I reckon as Browny rudely and amazingly interrupted and therefore ruined John's lapdance, he should therefore replace the product/service himself and perform for John for the length of any song of my choosing and in a venue of my choosing.

I reckon "Gaybar" in the Tap & Spile.

Neil, are you sure you didn't buy 'a suit' 'for cats?'

Cheers for your game of life statement Shane... I think!

I wouldn't want to point the finger towards the 'door handle breaker' all I heard was a few foot steps, a bang, a laugh, and some more foot steps... But they weren't running very fast, so yeah it was Smurf....

We're playing against half the Cold Ash team tonight in our 5 v 5 league so I'll tell Dave he's got to track back and tackle.... That should put a few out for Sunday....

Yes... I did put 'Dave' 'Track Back' and... 'Tackle' in the same sentence... Just to save you reading it twice.

My cat used to wear a zorro mask. So you can't knock em for authenticity.

Neil, I guess the school uniform idea has lost all its novelty for you seeing as you dated Mandy while she was still in class 3B.

Dave Lewis never passes. I think you know what I mean.

Stevie Tab never scores. I think you know what I mean.

Matt Atkins sometimes scores, but they tend to be really big goals. I think you...

That Cat suit I brought was rubbish, I collected Mandy from her mums and rushed home. Dragged her upstairs and handed her her present. The look on her face told me she was ready to go, (it was only later I found out that, that look was to get the fuck out of the room) With the intense inside me building up I ripped open the packet and pulled the cat suit out. You could imagine my pain and Mandy's relief when all that come out was a rubber tail you cant clip on anything and the marsk of zorrow!!!!! I frantically looked all over the bedroom in the hope that the actual cat suit had somehow slipped out but no such luck. Mandy burst into laughter and with me in tears she says "there there don't worry" and turned on the antiques roadshow. Next year I think I will stick to the nurses outfit.

Cold Ash won 7-0 against Newbury RBL on Sunday. However, RBL almost dropped out over the summer so they may be struggling for squad/motivation. We all know you can't read anything into any result. Shefford 6 - 0 Millhouse, two weeks later Millhouse 4 - 1 Shefford...

I know what you mean, Blackpool seemed to fly by in a dream-like haze this year, there seemed to be no time to catch breath. One minute you're flying down the side of a rollercoaster and then suddenly you're talking to Cody about her implants. I took one look at her and said "have you dyed your hair?"

Cannot believe Browny talked to John's lapdancer mid-dance. Matty, who broke your door handle - seem to remember you saying it was Smurf, who is blindly denying any wrong-doing.

Sounds like I'll have to have Neil in my car next year. Wonder who I should swap for him...?

And to top our journey home, we stopped off at some services in Brummie land only to be greeted by endless amounts of police cars and the bomb squad...!! Oh... and a fat bloke in hand cuffs.... At a first glance I thought it was the bird from Blackpool....

Cheers for driving Paul, the foul and abusive language you directed at other cars certainly kept me entertained!! Along with the dead pigeon and lamp post 4005 -4006! (Not to mention Neil telling us about the cat suit he kindly purchased for Mandy!!)

Well thank you for driving us boss!! It was certainly one of the most entertaining cars rides Ive been in, although Steve really needs to sort out his wind problem...

Blackpool was great, although it seemed to be over far to quickly. We managed to cram a hell of a lot in, stealing pillows, breaking doors and curtain rails, fixing doors and curtain rails, seeing illuminations, playing darts (sorry about knocking you out again Shane...!), pool, table football, watching Dave and Matt try to pull mingers, watching crabbeman get a hattrick of own goals, listening to John Lamb's 'jokes', the Big One (well, thats what Browny told me about Steve anyway), Riding Val Halla, Breaking Val Halla ('I wonder what could have caused that?'), taxi racing, tacky presents, breasts, browny talking to my lapdancer (I mean, surely I should have got a refund...?!), and, of course copious amounts of alcohol.

Bring on Blackpool 2004, and bring on Cold Ash...6 days to go...

Blackpool is over. Boo. Ah well. At least I pulled, and he was quite a looker as well, and not a bad midfielder...

Just for info, while you're all arguing about who's going to win the league and who's the best team - AFC Wimbledon have won 4 out of 4 and haven't scored less than 3 goals in a game yet.

A personal thank you to the 3 guys in my car for an entertaining drive home through the traffic and the boredom of the Saints v Man U game. Stevo - Badger...