Well lets set that straight! Yes we did lose 12-4, but the only time I came up against Mr. Frew was when I paced past him down the line and humiliated him. Of our four, I scored one and set up four, and was wuite clearly the best player for HSBC. However, I didnt find out until today that not all of Halifax's players worked for Halifax. In fact, Three of the people on their team play for Reading Town, only one of whom works for that small British Bank. Therefore, that, coupled with the fact we had two 50-year-olds in defence (no offence, Paul), makes it no surprise we lost!

You better hope Hilly can make that Cold Ash match, I wouldnt like to see the scoreline if David Frew the Shrew is in our defence ;-)

Oh, and he wants to buy some cycling shorts to war to football. 'Dave and Steve, sitting in a tree...'

And you didn't tell me my character was that way inclined. Bloody strap on really chaffed.

Not again mate. I said I'd do it once as a favour to a mate.

Great idea Shane! I could sell my story to all the Int newspapers and make a mint! are you with me? you could act as my sister!

Easy - Jonny S will be putting his name forward for one of the players in the reconstruction...

All this romantic talk going on between them.

Lets send our roving reporter up there to find out all the goss, Stevie Tab is willing to put himself at risk by posing undercover as a drunk 17 year old girl in a dark hotel room...

Very true, I suppose it depends if the photos are actually them or not. It will leak out in the end, just depends whose prepared to take the risk. Might even be the NWN ?

But if you look in the back ground of those pictues they are all taken at the same place. Bet it was in the sun office in front of the window. Pictures just for effect!! But one does look like alexandersson.

Yeah, I can't see it's true. It prob took place and now just seems like a good idea to make a few quid. I think it's good they can't release there details until it's been proved... I mean, look at poor old Matthew Kelly !!

Just been chatting to Tony, he thinks it's an ex - prem team in West Ham.... Purely because of the pictures (close up ones on The Sun Web page). You can almost pick them out....

Alexandersson
Defoe
Carrick
One looks like Repka !!

Like i say he's as thick as the turd i just laid!! He didn't even think about it!

But it does seem wierd that the Sun cant say who they think it is cos usually they jump straight in with pictures and quotes from the girl whether its true or not.

As much as this looks like it could be this group of players how great would it be if it was Arsenal's players!! With 7 players in jail 5 Suspended for the Man Utd thing 5 out on loan!! bet i could name there team!!

John Lukic
Steve Bould
Igor Stepanos
Pascal Cygan
Kaba Diawara


Anyone Else thats ever played for them thats really Sh*t??

Blimey, lets hope an AFC Dons player wasn't caught up in it all. I can't believe Premiership footballers would rape a girl, they can't exactly be starved for sex. Out of a group of that many people I can't believe one of them didn't say "hold on a second..." Can't say for certain though eh? Think this one will either be over very quickly (i.e. the girl was a bit drunk, had a right good session and now regrets it) or it will run and run (i.e. some of them went too far and will get properly done for it). There's obviously something there cos one of the footballers' lawyers has apparently put a gagging order on the police/press so they can't release any details...

That picture actually looks just like him Smurf!!!

I don't know if this is just pure coincidence but one of my mates from work who plays for AFC Wimbledon used to play with and is mates with Joe Keenan, who is a youth team player from Chelsea. He arranged to meet him one night over the weekend after not seeing him for a few months. He went to meet him in some bar in London, Keenan was out with a load of Chelsea players including Joe Cole, John Terry, Damien Duff And William Gallas among others. Gallas's was also with one of his French mates who is currently on loan at Tottenham from Inter Milan, Stephan Dalmat. My mate said there was easy 8 or 9 of them.

My mate not being the sharpest tool in the box like most professional footballers( he was on the books at Chelsea as a lad but decided that instead of putting in the effort at training he'd eat 3 McDonald's a day washed down with 10 pints a night!!) he didn't click when he read the paper on Sunday/Monday.

The story that jumped into my mind was the 17 year old girl that claimed she was raped by 7 footballers from a premiership club after having sex with a footballer from another premiership club.

Browny found an ideal web page to help you keep your rightful place in the team go to www.carosi.freeserve.co.uk/corshamreferee/club.htm

Will be phoning tonight to see if we have a game on Sunday or not. At the moment the only thing I can think they might do is rearrange the Vodafone game because they don't appear to have a match this weekend either. But as that seems the most sensible thing to do, I doubt that'll happen. Will let you all know tomorrow whether there is a game so you can all plan a decent weekend with your loved ones rather than hanging around with a load of hungover retrobates.

I doubt we'll find out until tonight/tomorrow, cause bankers are trusted with our money, but not with the internet.

Who won the battle of the bankers then?

Hi girls im back, hope we have no game sunday as ive been to hospital x-rays, not broken muscular damage will be out for this week and im away next.Must say my MOTM average is superb you were right about something.Ghengis do you wear any supports whilst using your keyboard.

And Stevo, you are so right, i do fancy you. Its the animal impressions that do it for me...

Brilliant. Right, im off to play for The Worlds Local Bank against a shitty small british 'bank'. Expect me or Dave Frew the Shrew to be staging a grudge match on Thursday...

In The Sun newspaper today!
>
> "A seven year old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama today when he
challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of the boy.
>
> The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge awarded
custody to his aunt. The boy confirmed that his aunt beat him more than his
parents and refused to live there.
>
> When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents the boy cried out
that they beat him more than anyone. The judge dramatically allowed the boy to
chose who should have custody of him.
>
> Custody was yesterday granted to Tottenham Hotspurs Football Club as the boy
firmly believes that they are not capable of beating anyone."

Well done Rob, and he has only really played one match, showed how good he was that day.

Season update:

MOTM points per game: Rob is leading on 26 points per game, Smurf is 2nd on 14.3 points per game (over more games) - if you're getting an average of 14 points per game over a season then that's superb.

Scorers: Dave is top with 2.1 goals per game, Rob has 2 goals per game, Matt 0.5 and Neil 0.25 no other f*cker has scored for us.

Bear (easy Paul) in mind that this is only after 4 games, there's a long way to go yet.

That man does love his curry.

Im not available on sunday Shane, im going down to Somerset to see kirsty's grandparents. YEY.

Looking forward to the end of the day, on 2 hours to go.

Curtis is off again, mango chutney washed down with some 'bear'? You're a brave man.

but it's yellow!! how can that be nice.

Egg fried rice, crispy shredded beef, and spring Roll. YUM YUM

Snap, me 2. Love the stuff.

What you been up to today m8??

Yep, tonight I'll be having chicken in black bean sauce.

Ok im quite worried at the chat that is going on in here at the moment, with Paul talking about having sex with a Shrew!!!!

Sounds like a good idea with these football sponsorship thing, I herd it on the way back from the game yesterday and they had a ladies football team on there saying they had just lost 12-0 and got in a scrap, Interesting. Sounds like everyone was at it yesterday.

Any plans for tonight u lot??

Officially scared now. Paul has some subconscious beastiality issues and neglected to remember that new Dave's nickname is Shrew. At least John Lamb's big enough to take on lambs...

Unless we get Browny on the phone, he can give them all his bo-selecta and init lingo, then there think we're a massive team, from a massive town, thats if he can get though the conversation without saying f*ck......and without offering to get them a new job.... and... You do it Shane.

I certainly did. I don't reckon we'll get any interest because they'll be wanting a team from London, Manchester, etc, some city, not Newbury. We're just not big time enough. Listeners will just say "who cares about those farm-boys" and turn off in their droves. It;ll be a media disaster I tells ya.

Right, I understand your message now, I though you were saying you must have hit the post in the match or something... It's just clicked. Sorry.

Anyone know how a Quiddicth match starts? Is there a whistle, or a bang, or something?

JOhnny L did you like that QOTSA UNKLE CD? It's bitchin'.

JOhnny S has spotted a potential medai frenzy, with Radio 1 looking for a team to sponsor - I've sent in a request for it to be us...

Huh?

You even had a little penalty appeal as well didn't you Paul... saw your arms fly up in the air - the secret to a good dive is to have at least one arm going to the ground, makes the fall look much more natural. Obviously I don't condone diving in the slightest.

But yes, great game, though the more I think about the game the more I think they might have just been utter pap. Remember the way Matty skinned their players on the left in the second half, feinting a cross then pulling the ball around them as they jumped to block it? If any of you guys had done that I'd have been yelling at you and looking at my subs bench. But, like when we played against 9 men, it's still a job that had to be done, and to give you credit, I think you made them shitter than they were by being as good as you were, so I guess I'm saying well done. And missed chances aren't a problem when you win 5-1. When you draw 0-0 or lose 2-1 then they become a problem, and it was great to see some lovely flowing football and people looking for the right types of balls through to Neil and Dave, the more we get into that habit, the better the balls become.

Quick notes to Dave Lewis (obviously), Neil and Beany for great games. Adam and John S in the first half playing centre mid like they'd played together there for years and Browny and John L for coming on for half an hour and taking no time to settle in and carry on where the other two had left off. Best team performance for a long time.

Mind you I should have had a hat-trick... I'll shut up.

Everyone misses easy chances, Sills just misses more than others, mind you , Browny - you should have scored at least one with your head yesterday... I blame those new boots, you could tell you were in two minds, torn between a header and an over-head. Ha ha ha... Chris attrmpting an over-head, what next.

Serves John right anyway, he should know that the 'No. 7' shirt only works for the great players in football, with the exception of me, better add that, otherwise the blogger system will get blocked with everyone trying to insult me at the same time.

Formula 1.... Who cares.

I've got no problem getting my wallett out when I got some cash, Great result yesterday lads, I think it was an excellent performance.
Welcome Dave, don't listen to john it would be nice if somebody did something different and took the piss out of someone else.

I fucking hate Michael Schumacher, he is such a twat. He always seems to get all the luck, appologies to those who hate formula 1 (shane).

Interesting john! I can't help the fact that you fancy me, also I have a book that teaches you how to shoot! Would you like to borrow it???

Shocking! I dont recall missing one easy chance today! Honestly, You come on here, start insulting me! If you want to fit in, you have to insult Browny, or call Stevey Tab gay!

In fact, you havent even bought me the pint I was promised for helping you get your job!!

Rant over.

Browny, you have been saying that your money is awesome and that 'the rounds are on you' for about 1 1/2 years. I bought far more rounds than you, and I was a fu**ing student!!

Get your wallet out. If you can find it. Under all the dust. In your old house. In a coat you wore when you were 12. And cash in those coppers to buy a 2p sweet. Selecta.

Emile Heskey's son and daughter witnessed an armed robbery in Birkenhead last weekend, their description of the robber was enough for the police to arrest 64yr old Martin Rivers earlier today. Mr Rivers was heard to claim that he would have got away with it too, if it wasn't for those Heskey kids...

A man goes into a dentist's. The dentist asks, "What
seems to be the problem, sir?"

The man replies, "I think I'm a moth."

The dentist patiently replies, "Well, sir, I think
you need a psychiatrist, not a dentist."

"I know," replies the man.

"So why did you come here?"

"Your light was on."

Thats that sorted then, next Shefford outing is in Nov. Then obviously the one after will be Christmas...

I lent you £12 last Xmas Chris, have you saved up to pay me back yet??

thats just my field mate, if he is looking get him to send us his details.

a weekend out sounds like a good shout to me, but I ain't paying for all of ya, just got an e-mail from Hot Shots, offering us 15% discount if we were to go before christmas. Worth a thought, it was a good crack last time.

Good point... All 3 pieces were LOVEly... See what I've done there.

I'm going back for a forth bit after lunch. Gotta get out of them what I can... I mea, 'well it's all for charity'.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't, but you get a deal of satisfaction knowing that you have helped somebody's career. If you know anyone who is in IT and looking send them my way and ill sort them out.

I only ment one weekend not all!!! you'll skint me out before i even start. Im taking my Mrs away for a nice weekend in Paris for her b'day so gota save up.

Here that boys... Drinks are on Browny for the whole of Nov. Superb.

Im earning lots now mate, just takes a while to come through, I only get the money when the contractors get paid so drinks will be on me in Nov.

Thanks all the same matt.

The doctor prob said the same he said to you.

Potential to earn money... In other words you haven't been? I'll give it a miss thanks Chris. Cheers for the offer, but there's no way I'd get a job there if you were to benefit from it!

Ok Paul, I'll take that on board. It gives me such satisfaction.

Chris - Who asked you? He was talking to me.

I get the joy's of both it's great. placing people in jobs and making there day.
Just gome some twats alot though, who think they are beter than everyone else.

poor bloke matt, you can have a job here, I get £1000 if I recommend someone to the comapny. and the potential to earn money is awesome.

Why u get shouted at everyday? Now paul you kept that quiet about you having AIDS, what did the DR say???

That is it, I'm looking for a new job. Shane plays computer games, Paul drives a company Lexus, Browny goes on holidays (there prob only buying him a one way!), and i get shouted at everyday, and once a year I look forward to getting cake.

Yeah i did, mine but they sent me an e-mail saying the system had crashed and that I had to do it again, bloody technology.

So how are all our fridays going today guy's, is it just us? where is John (fooker)lamb and both the Curtis's.

Just supping on a nice cold bottle of Budweiser as I type. I love this job, Im going to Madrid in 2 weeks tim coz we hit our holiday target, going to watch Real Madrid, easy life.

I enjoyed last night too, thought Mikey had some great touches... Enough about our personal life thou.

You and your missus have a bit of a problem with 'itching' lately Brownie....!! No beers going around here either... Just cakes.

Prediction for tonight: 1-1.

Has everyone done there predictions for that league??

I know I respect him for that too, well done Matthew, Looking forward to the game on Sunday, itching to play after last night, the more footy the better.

Good prediction shane, but unfortuntely I see it being 2-1, because we always concede.

Got a nice cushdy afternoon, with the bottles of beers going round at 2pm, lovely jubbly.

LICKY LICKY BROWN NOSE MATT! APPLE FOR THE TEACHER MATE? WHEN MATT SAID "SHHHH..." HE WAS ACTUALLY TRYING TO TALK PROPERLY BUT HE STILL HAD HIS TONGUE UP GENGY'S ARSE...

AND SO ON AND SO FORTH...

Shhhhhhh....

P.S. Did anyone notice how Matty last night won the "First person to touch a goalpoast..." thing and then still joined you on the run round the rugby pitch even though he didn't have to? Roy Castle would be proud of him, and if you're a friend of Roy's, you're a friend of mine.

Yeah, but you take what you can get. If it's cakes it's cakes. Cash it's cash. Kylie...

For those of you who are interested. AFC Wimbledon won 6-0 last night after going in at halftime at 0-0. Shows how important fitness is! We're now 5 points clear after 7 games, having won all 7. In fact we've only lost one game so far this season, in the cup, admittedly that was 7-2. But it looks like this season we are in fact going up, to somewhere in the Rymans, to start it all over again. How much more exciting than the Premiership is this? Much more, that's how much more.

Mystic Bellers prediction for tonight: - Arsenal 2 - Newcastle 0

I just had the shot, the Ref decides if it's a goal or not, not me, I totally respect the referees decision, if he had said it was the post, I would have walked away and continued the game.

Just because you lost!

Well it's not dress down day here (and when it is it cost a quid!) but we're taking part in the worlds biggest coffee morning so we get to eat shed loads of cakes for charity. Worth coming in today. Don't get to play computer games thou. That's better than cakes any day!

Every day is dress down day here mate. God bless ad agencies. Just pumping out a bit of QOSA UNKLE Remix before I start any work.

i agree with you there MR Sills, we were robbed. Should have gone on a bit longer, then we could have seen more of my poor touches and ball control. IT WAS DARK.

Are you saying that I bore you Michael. im hurt.

Got a dress down day to day so I plan to sweet FA.

Ive invited Steve in. To the Gay Bar.

Im still fuming that that 'goal' by Mr. Atkins was allowed tonight, I have never seen a shot hit more of the post in my life. Cheating bastard.

Well perhaps you have been dropped.

Nobody really gets dropped, I've never not played someone cos they were sh*te the week before. (We'd end with 5 people on the pitch some weeks). I've taken players off cos I thought they weren't having their best games on just 3 occasions that I can specifically remember, otherwise it's all about who else is available to play/go on. Nobody should take offence at not starting, being subbed off or not playing at all, I know it's annoying cos you just wanna play football, but you can see already we're down to the bare 14 on Sunday, so it tends to work out well enough over a season.

Smurf should really play the Sunday after he gets married on the Saturday eh? He should play in a tux. (Just trying to ensure that I don't have to play in goal that day with a post-Smurf's wedding hangover)

I didn't mean it to sound like I'd been dropped!!

Baggsy not going with Genghis for the passing exercise... Otherwise it'll turn into blo*dy fitness training just going to get the flipping ball.

What do you mean "get your places back" I only put you as sub for one half!!!??? Neil, when you say 'play taxi driver' I take it you mean dressing up in a chauffeur's outfit and letting her tell you where she wants to be taken?

Fair play.

We'll be doing ballwork more than fitness tonight, if that helps to stop anyone else dropping out... I think we showed we could match the best sides for fitness on Sunday, we just need to show a bit more speed and quality on the ball, passing, controlling, etc, and a bit better agility. Agility is my buzzword for the season. Watch me use it in every pre-match pep-talk...

You need to have a word with these people dropping out Shane. I mean, how are we meant to get our places back if they don't turn up to training so we can injure them?

I proberly won't be there either as I have to play taxi driver for Mandy tonight. I will see what time I get back.

Did what work?

hey all, hows we?

So what was that all about last night Shane? did it work?

Whats the news about Tony adams and the reading job?

Well the FA have well and truely thrown the book at Arsenal, £500,000 fine, and six players been charged, mainly with violent conduct. not good.

Oi Grandad, I've got a cold and still going tonight.... (I'll wear my shinners)

No bloody write-up again in the paper. Bloody new system 'post your write ups in with these pre-stamped envelopes'. This week I shall go back to good old fashioned faxing.

Shall we rotate the write-ups, rather than me doing them all? If anyone else wants to do one/some during the season then let me know.

I think Taylor's been scared off higher profile roles after his disaster at Leicester. They should have left him in charge of the England Under 21's he was flying there. Still, at least it looks like they're approaching proper managers rather than Hoddle, etc. Shows they're looking in the right direction. They'll seek out Kinnear, he must be in their minds. I'm going to do some Uri Geller-style positive thinking about it. Nnngggg....

There you go, your new manager will now be either Joe Kinnear or Rachel Stevens (just keeps popping in there).

Peter Taylor turn down Reading after they approached him on Tuesday because he wants to stay at Hull?? OK?

Didn't see that program I'm afraid... Was watching Reading stuff the Oxford. Didn't get drunk either.

John - What time does the JohnSillsWorld PLUS 10 minute pre/freeview start?

Check your e-mail address for some more e-mail addresses.

John you're fooked, some guy called Teflon Don has come straight in and is on 32 to your 31. You're gonna have to work hard to fight him off. Can't you get all your branch buddies at HSBC to register for you? And pick your feet up.

Did anyone see The Pilot Show last night? They had people auditioning for a "The Truman Show" style show (fake), and told them that they probably wouldn't see their family or friends for 12 months. There was a guy on there who was saying about how much he loved his kids, but they got him to agree to it. Then later on they said depending on how the show went he might not see his family again, but they'd be able to watch his life, right through to his natural death. He said he'd do it! If his kids were watching the show they'd be mortified. Thanks Dad! Thanks a f*cking bunch.

Then I got drunk.

Anyone heard the UNKLE remix of No One Knows by Queens Of The Stone Age? It's on the SSX 3 soundtrack (check the website for details - ssx3.co.uk). It's bitchin', or dope, or phat, or loose, or stringy, or whatever you kids call decent stuff these days. Wack. Bad. Beans. Why can't you just talk properly? And pick your feet up.

Couldnt be bothered to read all that had been written on here today, so Ill just write some nonsense.

Matty...I do still need some email addresses, but I think this guy (who I am now 30-all with) will just always get one more than me. If you got the addresses, Ill take them though, If I add them tomorrow, Ill need you to sign up qucikly, it finishes friday.

Arsenal - 6 players charged, and the club, and Wenger. I feel I should do what all the MP's are worried about and copy my idols. TVS better watch out on Sunday...

Got my haircut today, and had 2 sandwiches for lunch. Those wishing to know what was in my sandwiches can subscribe for just £3 per month to JohnSillsWorld PLUS!! A new service offered by myself to allow true fans to get in close with me. A recent free trial in an Essex club proved very successful.

Off out for a drink with Cat, John Lamb and Megan now. Crazy.

I had a 3 iron lying around at Mum and Dads from ages ago, but I have taken on board what you said and I will looking at buying a set.

Paul is a 3 iron a good club to have. Another words can I hit a ball over 100 yrds with it?

Afternoon gentlemen,

Well there could be worst things than getting Glen Hoddle!!

You could have Tony Adams!! Or Glen Roeder!!

Hmmm, a bible bashing buffoon who hires witch doctors and john Gorman, An alcoholic Tw*t that finished with Caprice and has the nickname Donkey or a bloke that was a shite manager before he had half his brain removed!!!

Bet you fancy Frank Bruno now Matt....??

I don't mind. You made me fitter than you!

By the looks of it were gunna get your blo*dy cast off at Reading now?? Hoddle is being strongly linked apparently? I'm blaming you Mike.

(It's ok, I know that means more running at training, but I feel I need it)

Sorry Mr B, only messin... Init.

Lets hope you have more success hitting the target first thing on Sunday mornings then Paul...

Otherwise your your Sundays must be pretty sh*t.

Anyway, didn't think you did that sort of thing at your age.

Hu Hu Hu.... ello arry.

cheers mate, can always rely on you to be frank.

Probably the same plank that invited you....

I got the balls to make a prediction, i think it will be 4-2 to us.
Oh who invited Genghis!!!

I wouldn't mind playing either, I need to get my score tally up and running. Need to beat my tally for last year of 6.

Na it's not, it's gunna be easy. Are you brave enough to make a prediction?

I need to play at some point, gotta keep up my 100% goal per game league record.

And I need some assists. And I must be struggling in the MOTM points table. Thats all. Last 5 minutes will be fine.

I agree mate, it will be a close game but I think we have got enough in our sqaud to shock them.
As long as we don't give them to much respect.

Couldn't believe to hear about Colin's broken toe, he played really well considering. Hope he comes back soon, he's gota be the most unluckiest guy.

Just on lunch munching through a minted chicken baguette. YUM YUM.

It's gonna be a close game on Sunday and we'll need to be right at the top of our game. But if we are, there's no reason why we can't take all the points.

No Crabbeman limped away from the pitch on Sunday. He's got one of those niggling groin strains that needs a good couple of weeks to strengthen up or it can last all season. While we have cover it seems silly to keep pushing him. At least he can take 2 (or 3 even) weeks off and not suffer too much with his fitness.

Coppell is a waste of space, Lawrie Sanchez is a football genius. Used to play for Thatcham Town you know. Kevin Dillon sounds like a book shop. I think Sanchez could do well, he's a clever guy and knows the game well, I think he'd be a better manager with better players. Down the divisions you just need to wind them up, but if you're top half Div 1 and looking to go up, you need tactics and strategy and he's your man for that. He was a sh*te footballer and they can make the best managers. If he's your manager I might even come to a few games myself. If Kinnear is I will too. If Dillon gets it I might pop in and see what he's got in hardback.

I'd love to see Venables at Reading, can't see it cause he's a dodgy geezer. Mind you, Shefford signed Jonny S. Kinnear isn't a bad call. I'm pretty sure it will be someone with a bit of experience, or Kevin Dillon, but I don't think he'll get it. Steve Coppell is one of the favorites, I'm just preying they don't give it to Lawie Sanchez.

Is Crabbmans injury still playing up? Or is he just unavailable? I'm looking forward to Sunday already, there a good side and I think this could be our chance to put a mark on the 1st Division.

Shame about Colin? He's been playing really well this year (again). I'll nip out at lunch and get him a get well soon card.

Crabbeman and Colin out for Sunday, Stevie T going on loan to Post Office Res, if I drop me again that leaves me with 11 players and 3 subs on Sunday. And with John L and Rob coming back from holidays it makes my team selection one of the easiest I've had for a long time. I just hope it doesn't get any easier than this...

I heard that on the radio this morning. Bit of a risky one, better to let him prove his managerial skills at a lower club first before taking him on in a role where you have genuine Premiership aspirations this season. Still, consider your other options. Hoddle. Roeder. Venables. Reid (soon). Tell you who you should get and he'd be a godsend at Reading, Kinnear. Ideal experience of running a successful club on a tight budget (Reading will be big bucks for him) and an easy one to get out of the job if you get promoted and don't want him in the Prem. " Oi Joe, BOO! You alright mate...?"

Tony (yes the pis*head) Adams has been linked with the Reading job... What is the English game coming to... I blame the Labour gov.

Spokesman Steve was probably still in shock after only conceding 2 goals at 5v5 last night, and actually played very well between the sticks.

Have you informed the police with regards to your stolen head warmer?

DESKTOP BELLERS:

A thief has stolen the hat of Shefford FC Manager Shane Bellamy

DESKTOP BELLERS:

Shefford FC squad news. Colin Holmes out for 2 to 6 weeks with suspected broken toe. Defender Colin Holmes has been ruled out for between 2 and 6 weeks due to a toe injury which could be a break. Early x-rays were insufficient for club doctors to decide whether there was a fracture to the bone or whether the injury was just heavy bruising.

A spokesman for the club said "Ooh, hello."

Manager Bellamy said "Thats what you get for giving Steve T a role as spokesman. Colin picked up an injury in the first half of the home cup tie against St Barts. He was able to play for the remainder of the game but the toe became bruised and swollen. It doesn't appear that an operation is necessary, so Colin will be out for between 2 to 6 weeks. Our thoughts are with his family. Oi where are you going with that?"

Oh, Lambo pipes up now eh?

Yes, Angel got a hattrick last night and still didn't convince me that he's a natural striker. 2 occasions at least he didn't even want to shoot when it was the easiest option he had, including one on the edge of the 6 yard box, with 2 defenders and the keeper on the floor. He just stopped. But Villa did pull Wycombe apart very well and didn't let them have anything at the back. Lovely pitch down there, but naff ground, right in the middle of an industrial park and no pubs.

AFC Wimbledon won 1-0 on Sunday afternoon, putting them through to the FA Vase 1st round proper. Um, yay.

Forget Villa's result what about the mighty Huddersfield away to Sunderland.

It wasn't until the afternoon I realised it was you John, when you phoned back and apologised, and agreed you owed the money.... I always knew you were walking in Bellamy's 'big and tough' shadow... Your just soft. (Mind you I did think it was Brownie at one point just because of the amount of times he said 'Fu*k')

Is John getting thrashed at this game now? If it's close I'll get him a few more, (if someone tells me how cause I never actually received the e-mail).

Brownie - That spider in Kirstys apple catchers doesn't count as a web designer ya know?

A few goals for you last night Shane. I take it Wycombe were absolutely sh*t if Angel managed to score a hat-trick?

John send that mail to my mail box when you can and I'll log on to it at home, when I can get on. Can't have that bloke beating you, then i'll get of this lot to do it aswell.

How are we all this cold autumn morning? had to put my heating on last night it was that bloody cold.

So what is gona be the topic of conversation today? where is smurf these days and John Lamb.

Shane Bellamy, so good on the Web that he cant even type a web address properly...

I dont know anyone who does Media skins. I know guy in Essex who deals in Human skin, people buy it to cover up their scars and cuts.

That tosser on freedom fighter is blatantly cheating. Ill settle for the game (and maybe a console...!)

Just got back from a free piss up and buffet at a golf club. Luckily no golf was played, I just talked about football all night. Result.

Sorry about that call yesterday Matt, but you were very rude on the phone.

I know shit loads of web designers mate, what you looking for? Funnily enough its my job.

whats that web address mate coz it didn't come up?

Look at http://www.ssx3.co.uk/ok.html

I wrote all the competition stuff! Don't enter, it'll be well obvious if all the prizes start going to people in Newbury or Reading...

it was good for the fitness mate, that is on the footy pitch.

If anyone knows any webdesigners, specifically people who design media skins, then let me know.

Browny, next time just say mate. If a bloke has run you ragged for 45 minutes and then you have to get up in the morning and play footy it's fine to be a little tired.

Hey all, I just wrote the longest Blog i've ever written and I fucking deleted it.

So this is going to be short and sweet. If you were all wondering Kirsty is feeling alot better now.

So what have I missed? nothing much by the look of it, everyone talking about bloody council tax, sounds well exciting.

Just gota say great game on sunday, I thought we played really well and gave a good account for ourselves. I thought Neil battled hard all through the game, and Smurf pulled of some fantastic one handed saves to keep us in it. To say they won the league last year, Just means to show how much strength we have in the squad. With Shane making 2 substitutions at half time when I was fucked coz that bloke ran me ragged for 45 mins.

Council Tax Discussion Board?

Right I'm off to find a fuse for my subwoofer at work, not right playing all these game demos without the floor vibrating.

Matt I like the idea of pissing on their fireworks by making them finish by going "hello?" after a good old rant and rave. I suggest you now start saying you're going to put them through to your boss, Chris Brown, then put on another voice, call them a c*nt and follow up with "my address is..."

Paul how much do you pay for your council tax, as im a little concerned as I pay £99 a month. Mike from work who has a 2 bed pay £60 somthing

But maybe he was and thats how he knew she wasn't dead?

It's up to us at what stage we cut them off. I always hang on for ages, its funny. Haven't had one say there gunna pi*s on my mum yet... I like winding them up by just staying silent for ages... Then they just stop and go... Hello... Hello...

Matt I had someone saying they were fucking my mum while they were talking to me an she was real good. I thought I would get one over on him by saying my mums dad. Didn't work, he proceeded in saying he was skull fucking her and pissing all over her dead corpse. I just put it down to an insane american cold caller.

The last meal I had when I ate out was a big bag of chips.

Do you have guidelines for at what level of abuse you're allowed to cut someone off or give them some back? I used to work at a place where they had a call centre and they started giving counselling to people because of all the abuse they were getting. If they were working on Christmas Day they had training in how to handle suicide callers! It was only a BT Cellnet customer helpline as well, no joke.

I reckon Browny's been kidnapped and is now a dancer in a club in Soho. Well, when I say kidnapped...

On Saturday night I had scallops and chorizo for starter, shin of veal for main course and then the English cheese selection for desert. It was all nice except for the veal, which was a bad choice by me. Tonight I will be sampling the Adam's Park catering, probably a chicken and mushroom pie. At lunchtime today I'll be having a tuna and cucumber sandwich and a yorkie. Until then I'll be effing starving.

It's Ad's horn... I'll get him to toot it at 8.30pm again. Your still hear the bloody thing in Wycombe!

I've just had this bloke on the phone that gave me the most abuse I ever had in my life!! I got told off for putting it on loud speaker... Just as he screamed 'Listen you tw*t'.... I thought it was funny!!

It was almost like he knew me.

You've been a bit quiet Brownie? You even failed to tell us what you did for your lunch yesterday?

I went out for a meal last night... Prawns for the starter, Mixed Grill for the main and spotted dick for desert.... Anyone else had that lately?

By the way Paul, none of us can make it Saturday night anyway, we're all out with Lisa.

Boo, replay shit. Won;t have FIFA 2004 by this weekend I'm afraid, not sure it's even finished being programmed yet.

Genghis, apparently they sacked Hoddle after he said that he knew he could keep Spurs in the Premiership for the next three seasons. Autumn, Winter and Spring.

I hope you boys were happy with all the rain yesterday to water the pitch. I got Stevie T doing a rain dance on the pitch. He wasn't keen til he found out that it involved rubbing bovril on his buttocks, wearing nothing but a grass skirt and dancing slowly around an abandoned puppy shelter. And it rained bloody hard!

Matt, I should have got your air-horn off you on Sunday cos Julie and I are off to Wycombe v Villa tonight and it's the main commentary match on Radio 5. Ah well. Villa won at the weekend and Wycombe lost 5-2 at home to Oldham, so it's all set up for a 0-0 draw. Does anyone know whether this Carling Cup games need to be settled on the night or could it go to a replay?

Don't need life jackets... One of our balls is bound to be floating around in there, can just cling onto that.

Smurf's got no PC. He was saying recently that now he's going to be a father he wants to make his relationship more mature and responsible, but then he realised that it's nearly the conker season...

Dunno mate, but I do know that Neil pissed all over their defence for the last 20 minutes in the first half yesterday and they didn't do anything about it.

I'm thinking about rigging the weir at Northcroft so if we're a goal up but under the cosh with less than half an hour to go I can just press a button and flood the pitch. Got the idea from the maylasians who kept turning the floodlights off. All I need is 400,000 litres of water and a big foot pump...

hey that prediction league is good eh? We all seemed to get 0 points. Can't even remember my predictions anyway, seems that we don't all predict the same games? Still. Fun.

Did anyone see the Man City v Villa game where at half time Man City watered the Aston Villa half of the pitch but not there's, to make the ball move better when they were attacking? Cheeky...

We should all water it before each match... Then the other team will wear trainers thinkings it's gunna be rock hard and will end up slipping over all the time.

Absolutely... I think if we had gone into the game thinking we had a chance and believing in our self a bit more, rather than telling ourselves they won the Prem Div last year and wondering how many there gunna score, it could have been a total different score line.

The midfield did well in the first half by just breaking down there normal game play, which probably had them wondering at half time, and we also managed to play a bit of our own football, played some great balls out wide that certainly wore Brownie out! Who again had another good game. Worked really hard. It shows how strong/good we are as a squad/team, we can pretty much play anyone anywhere and no-one looks out of place or needs time to settle in.

I'm convinced we will be a lot better when it rains and pitches are a bit softer !! Then the ball will sit better for Dave to shoot. The ball will role smoother and will be easier to control for Neil when he's on his mazy runs. And Crabbman get back to his crunching sliding tackles!!

We did do ourselves proud but has anyone else been left with a sense of wondering of what might have been? We can hold our heads up high for the performance we put in, especially considering who we were playing against, but it's not the best we've played is it. A few people not on top of their game yesterday, certainly didn't let us down, but what could it have been like if they were at their best... Particular note of credit to Dave and Neil up front, working off scraps for most of the game but still managed to create a fair few chances.

Still, not a bad result to get seen in the paper, lends a bit more credibility to our Div 1 status. TVS next Sunday, so another chance for us to assess ourselves and show the others what we're made of.

Training at Henwick on Thursday as usual, I'm hoping to be there for all of it this week...

Thought this is a good way to start the Shefford Blogger Week...

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just fuck off and leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.

3. The darkest hour is just before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's milk, that's the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

6. No one is listening until you fart.

7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Now get to work, you lazy slags...

Morning all. My head is pounding, got paid yesterday, went out straight after work for some lasses leaving do. It got messy.

Looking forward to the match tomorrow, it will be hard, but I think at our level of football if we stay well organised then we could nick it. Noone is gonna read this until after the game though, so I wont bother writing much more about how we can win as Ill look like a twat if we get stuffed...

As for the blackpool thing, I think it would be a good idea to try somewhere else. I think it could more of a team trip if we are going to new clubs etc. together, rather than people going to seperate places because they know what they are like. Its good to have a novelty factor to a trip away, even if you do have to sacrifice the traditional side of things. Also, perhaps ging to somewhere a bit closer would be good, bournmouth etc., could have more of a friday, and not have to be hungover in a car for 10 hours on the sunday (although I think all of us in Shanes car would say it was a great 10 hours, Steve got his tits out for us)

I think Smurf enjoyed him trying to go down, as a Shefford legend. I think it was when he attempted to firmly thrust himself into the anuls of Shefford history that Smurf finally drew the line.

Night out sounds good, it seems like ages since Blackpool. Maybe early October, after September pay day, or maybe end of October, after two paydays! What's everyone's thoughts on somewhere other than Blackpool next season? Just food for thought, not a recommendation or a preference, just wanted people's ideas...

I don't under-rate myself, in fact I consider myself too good to be playing this standard of footy. That's why I don't play myself much. Just waiting for the Chelsea contract to come through.

:o) Very well put....! Your right thou, he's a quality lad, and at the end of the day all he wants to do is play footy like the rest of us (Except Shane, who's either too lazy, too old or under-rates himself).... So you can't blame him for considering it, or fault him for the effort he puts in, in training etc...

Certainly can't question the bloke for bottle... Anyone that sleeps in the same bed with smurf for two nights in a row will always go down as a Shefford legend.

Either way, I'm still expecting to see him on the Shefford nights out etc... Speaking of which, one must be due within the next month or so?

Lehman was so distraught after the Inter defeat he walked straight out of the stadium and threw himself in front of a bus. Fortunately the bus passed right under him...

Not a particularly public subject, but yes Steve T does appear to have an option for getting some first team footy with another club in Div 2. As with anybody who's playing for us at the moment I don't particularly want to see him go, but though his chances of getting first team footy have increased with Harry going, they've also taken a knock by the fact that we won't see too many comfortable victories this season, or shouldn't see too many bad defeats either, either of which would have been ideal opportunities to give him a run out. As most games are going to be hard fought and close, the chances of me subbing Neil or Dave from the striker positions are limited at best, as both can conjur up goals from nowhere. Steve is considering the option of loaning himself out to get some actual game experience, as we all know how valuable that can be. If that happens, he will still be considered a part of the club and will still be welcome to training, drinks after games etc. Whereas if any of the midfield leave, they can go fook themselves. Tough decision, so I hope you'll all respect whatever direction he chooses to go, I wouldn't want to be facing the same decision myself, but to be part of an improving squad you need to improve and it's tough to do that when you're not getting games.

I suppose you could say he's considering playing for the other team. Cannot believe I just wrote that.

In all seriousness, try to give him your support while he's coming to a decision, he's a good bloke in a tough spot. I'm going to stop writing now

Afternoon all, how are we all?
good to hear that we got a game on sunday, means i can keep my fitness up, runing the line.
My mate played for them last season, they are not a bad side, but apparantly their defence is a bit dodgy. Should be a good one. So if Dave can pass to others and not have everyone shouting you FOOKER, then we could score a few.

Im predicting 3-0, I reeckon our defence is good enough.

You lot any plans fo the weekend?

Shane did Steve talk to you about joining another club yesterday?

I have a mate who plays for Kennet and Thatcham, so he played against them last season in the Prem Div. Plus I've watched a few Prem games and I've always been surprised at how lazy the teams seem, so if we really take the game to them then like you say they're organisation goes up the spout and we drag them down to our level, which we've been playing for longer, so that makes us favourites.

Getting them bitching at each other is a good move, we should play the divide and conquer tactic that worked against Room 3 in Blackpool. If you're defending and you win the ball against an attacker, as you walk back up to the halfway line I wanna hear things like "dunno how he ever expected you to get to a ball like that..." and "christ you're patient, if I played a ball like that to one of our strikers I reckon he'd have a right pop at me..." And the midfielders need to be telling their midfielders "you'd at least expect the strikers to put a bit of effort into getting to a pass eh..?" and we'll have em fighting each other by full time.

"You're keeper just told me you're a poof..."

I'm looking forward to it, as Beanie said last night, on our day we can give anyone a game. They may be well organised, but we have two players who are superb at un-organising teams in Crabbman and Neil.

Plus, you usually find with organised teams, if you don't let them play there football and un-organise them so to speak, they start getting sh*ty and argue with each other. All we can do is show them how we play our footy, and prey.

Where'd you get your info from then Shane? You been sending scouts to check them out??? Don't get excited Smurf... I didn't mean boy scouts.

All day mate, and still get my work done, and still play computer games, and still get paid, and still go to the pub for lunch, life's great. I reckon it'll be great to take on St Barts, we have nothing to lose and I've got a feeling we're gonna win 4-0. There goes any prediction reputation I'd built up. Apparently they're just mega organised and have a big lump up front who scores most of their goals. Sound familiar to anyone?

Sorry about the weekend plans Smurf, had plans of my own too, but I think we've got a week off the week after next, unless they rearrange the Vodafone game or put our Berks&Bucks Cup game in there.

Don't mate, cos whoever you get as your lawyer Browny will just try and sell him some IT support.

Phoned the ref and he asked who we were playing. When I said St Barts he went "oh dear..."

Great.

Paul - I was just implying that Browny should watch the game in Wash Common with his buddies....

Cause the footy team were talking about watching it in the Cross Keys. But AFC Newbury sounds good, haven't been there since we gave the local residents a decent game to watch.

I was scrolling though all the pages yesterday, it's amazing how many entries are on it. Hundreds of pounds of all our companies money - Superb. It fact you all pay my wages... Even better.

I bet Browny doesn't pay... Might file a bankruptcy on him.

What about watching the game at AFC Newbury on the big screen in the cheap bar? They do grub too...

Trevor Brooking.

9.45am at Northcroft on Sunday for a cup match against St Barts. The only people I know can't make it at the moment are Rob and John L, so if anyone else can't you'd better let me know.

Yep - St Barts in the first round of the Bowness Cup. 9.45pm at Northcroft.

Theres a match on Sunday (St Barts) now Chris, obviously you haven't turned up to training for the past six months so you miss out on a lot of things.

We're also watching the Arsenal game Sunday afternoon in 'The Gun' Wash Common. 4pm KO apparently. I might not be going cause some of my mates are watching it in the Cross Keys which is closer to me.

Did bugger all my arse. I did the 2 miles warm down that Genghis thought we'd all enjoy, not everyone took part. And not everyone enjoyed it.

Who's not available for Sunday then? Jonny L....

morning all, how are we? Don't know mate, was that the day that the years they each had a go on your mum.

Whats this about having no midfielders available, are we doing any sort of training session on Sunday?

Morning fella's, all feeling good after training last night? You should Matty, you didnt do bugger all.

So Shane (I didnt mean to call you a slag last night by the way, Rob asked me to text him your number so he could try to seduce you and send you erotic texts, but I text your own number to you instead...), you must be feeling better about picking a team on Sunday now that there are no midfielders available! Who would have thought it eh?!

Ok, Quiz Question...

Sunderland did it in 1979, Villa also did it in 1981...who did it in 1980?

Plus, of course, Bellamy is big and tough, whereas Atkins is big.

i did indeed. then i decided who ever reponded first... Honest!!

You bottled it... Bet you thought about putting Bellamy.

Atkins is a w*nker
Atkins is a w*nker
la la la la
la la la la
Atkins is a w*nker
Atkins is a w*nker
la la la la

What?

i know another song with a lot of la la's in it...

Na, I said I wouldn't talk about my lunch break.

You could do with a Gay Bar.

Our systems crashed so I can't do any work, shame. I could be like browny and tell you all about my lunch break, but I won't.

I could do with a Milky Bar.

Did it end with the line " the Milky bars are on me"...??

But he is. They wrote a song about it you know.

Im going to pretend you didn't just stitch me up 'good an pwopa'.. but only cause your the manager right not cause bellamy is big and tough!!!

And Egil Olsen was big into his stats and he got the Dons relegated and started the whole slide into nothingness. They're bottom of the 1st Div and suck big time - Got no fans, got no ground, Wimbledon are going down with a la la la la la la la la la laaaaaaaaaaaa, Bellamy is big and tough.

I know the last line doesn't really fit, but it's true.

Wrong anyway, it was when he scored for Tottenham against Man City. Great mazy run in the box it was too.

Reckon the NWN is wrong, St Barts are supposed to be playing against Herm Res this week and then we play the winner in the next round. I'll phone up and check, but I tink oim roit so oi do...

Yes training is at Henwick until further notice, which will probably be in April when it's light enough to go back to Vicky Park.

Sent in a write up using the NWN's new postal system, obviously shite, so I'll go back to faxing them next time. Didn't put your name in anyway Matt, our 7th goal was a wonderful chip from outside the area by a guy called Bellamy, who's big and tough.

Afetrnoon lads,

Villa were last in the F.A. cup final in 2000 losing to those tossers from stamford bridge 1-0, i was there sat in the middle of the stand behind the goal. WITH THE CHELSEA FANS!!! That italian crock Di Matteo hammered one in from about 30 yards, TOSSER!!

But the last time we scored in the F.A. cup was when we last won in in 1957 beating Man Utd 2-1, The scorer of both goals was Peter McParland who scored in the 66th and 72nd minutes.

Im ready for my Anorak now!!!

That goal that Dalian Atkinson scored was in the Coca Cola Cup final in 94 when we beat Man Utd 3-0.

Is training at Henwick...?

Just looked in the NWN. And we a our picture in it ! Well, Rob has his picture in it with Neil just stood there in the back ground doing nothing, which is a rare sight I will add.

No, write up thou... 'Shane' would have got my name in it!!!!!

ALSO... It says we have a home game against St Barts this week in the Bowness Cup...? By the looks of it, it's cup week and everyone has a game?

Cool - Statistics never lie... - Apparently. Will certainly be interesting reading.

We're be calling you Fergie soon...

'Big shout out to the main man Sha....'

The footy manager Chris.

There will certainly be more football than last week, but Matt's right, just footy is no good for anyone. Anyone would think you don't like running John...

Something a little different this season. Because I'm keeping better notes than ever before, this season we're not just having top goalscorer but we're also having Highest Goals per Game Average. And we're not just having MOTM score either, we're having MOTM Points per Game Average. This stops Crabbeman winning it just cos he plays pretty much every game. And it means if I get one game in at centre back again I win!

Slackers... I think they should all have to wear sweat bands against TVS as punishment... Browny could use it as a flag holder.

Not a match for the whole time thou... Wastes have the session just getting the ball when Dave shoots!! - Pick on Dave week this week.

As we haven't got a game this week and Dave C, Chris and Rob aren't coming can we play a bit of football tonight? Why would you want to know when Villa last scored in a cup final? Was it Atkinson, the player not the boss, who scored in a win over Man U?

When did Villa last score in the FA Cup final?

I was thinking that yesterday ! You should start gambling.

Gotta start predicting that extra goal, said 4-0, it was 5, said 0-2, it was 3. We'll beat Thames Valley Sport 0-0 then.

I'd stick with Colchester Jonny. Your obviously not cut out for this glory hunting malarkey.

No surprise there then Browny.

OH dear, oh dear, oh dear, well that was a good night. NOT. We pl;ayed god dam awful last night. Oh well as John said there is always next season.

So how are we all? Shane don't think I'm gonna make training tonight, working late yet again.

Piss of Dave L, I only miss to make you look better.

As for the friday night game, who were the first team in english football to play a friday night game in the league, and have it on Sky? One Colchester United, vs Manchester City. And I was there. (yes, all the camara's broke...)

Arsenal are now 3-0 nil down...there's always next season.

Watching football on sunday is a good idea, not sure what state Ill be in, big night out friday and saturday. In fact, im not doing anything in the day sat, so I might go all the way through...

Mystic Bellers' prediction - Arsenal 0 - 2 Inter Milan. I'm sorry, the wise one has spoken.

Who? Whooooo? Effin ell Matty... I take it you used up all your budget on your attack then? Blake? Ndah?

But you do have frank sinclair in defence and matt murray in goal.....

But smurf does think that bartez is quality!!! Enough said!!!

WHAT....

I want a re-count, I can't be losing to Tony.... The only thing he knows about footy is to blame the midfield every time we concede a goal?

Smurf demonstrates his expert knowledge of the game then...

Position Team Name Manager's Name Supporters Points

1 Hit and Hope David Lewis 205
2 Lewie's Lady Boys Gareth Lewis 172
3 Killer Woods Mike Wood 150
4 LEAH'S LUCKY DIP Leah Barlow 141
5 HELLO MOTO !! Adam Davies 140
6 Scotland in Europe!! Jenny Cairns 137
7 The Monkey Boys Paul Green 135
8 Shed End Blues Jenna 135
9 Top The Lot!!! Stuart Alderton 133
10 Hoof it like PARKY Anthony Ilsley 131
11 Bean Houllier's XI Andrew Moore 131
12 Rusty Balls Matt Atkins 129
13 Smurf's Select Steve Taylor 114


Matt you waiting for a late charge???? DU DU DU DU DER DER..............CHARGE!!!!

That just means he'll pass even less in an attempt to make sure he beats 30 !!

The way I see it is, if you pick up a snake you're gonna get bit, you know its a snake so don't pick the fooka up. Same rule applies if you're shouting at Dave to pass. Save your breath. You can't criticise someone who scores over 30 goals a season consistently. But if he only gets 29...

Bet you can't dodge 10 buses Browny...

Dare ya.... Pint per bus...

2 pints per bus on 1 leg....

Bastards, I paid for 15 taxis...

Dave - It's not about embarrassment....

Your footballs like your eating habits...

Your just fooking greedy....!!

Hey all, Hows we? Still in bloody London, nearly got run over by about 10 taxis, this place is mayhem.
Im off to the Arsenal V Inter Match tonight so I hope that we don't find the same form as we did last season. Should be a good one though.

Matt that joke was appalling, as Shane said just go mate don't bother with the coat.

Oh well better go back to work. Laters.

The reason i never passed to John L was because i had my ear plugs in so i could not hear him... also i was saving him the embrasment because if i did pass to him he would of hit the river at the back of the goal then wot would his girlfriend think of him!!!!!!so thats why i dont pass very much i am saving all of you the embrasment of missing a sitter... like John S last season againt Monument... sorry John S i had to mention it.....

Browney are you actually going to turn up to training on Thursday??????

She must have had something in her ear...

I definitley said fooker and Megan didn't hear me, so what were you up to at the time Shane?

He only wanted to score in front of his girlfriend Dave. You should have heard what he called the bar when he hit that. "Bar ya coont ya!"

Megan was horrified. I comforted her.

(I thought he'd called him a Bugger)

Dave you Fooker!

It's common knowledge that the team play better as a whole against the better teams.
I seem to get the ball a lot more when we're playing against tougher teams because we try to play better football and pass it more (or just panic and hoof it) which means we actually use the midfield !! And sometimes (and only sometimes) use the wingers and the width of the pitch as I'm sure Jonny L will agree. Which means I get more involved.

But if we're playing pants teams everyone trys to beat players and go alone and try more difficult things and shoot from everywhere. Not saying thats a bad thing, just means we rarely pass to each other!

Unless Daves got it, in which case it doesn't matter who were playing, who out of us is playing, where we're playing, who's watching, whether it's sunny or snowing, if they've got 10 men behind the ball or even if he's playing... Cause you know he's not gunna pass it.

"You Fooker!!!"

Matt, just looking at the MOTM results from last season and it's clear to see that you only play well against good teams. When we've thrashed teams you've always come way down in the voting, when there were closer games you've always been up there in the top 3. Good news for this season then, cos we'll have no more easy games, especially if RBL pull out which I'm positive they will.

Your joke sucked. Don't bother getting your coat, just leave.

Cross Keys might be okay, I guess anywhere with footy's gonna be busy eh? See what people reckon on Thursday.

Well your 4-0 prediction was a lot closer than Pauls poxy 2-1. Blo*dy glory hunters are clueless !

I'd imagine Shanes theory is right or it's just sky using there TV rights and squeezing a few extra games in. As long as they keep the Saturday morning slot I'm happy. They have nationwide on Friday, but I think that's because it's a better standard of football.

I wanna watch the match on Sunday, don't really care who wins, but if your watching it in a pub, I'll be more than happy to keep you all company.

I here The Monument have just got sky... Some drunk bloke cut a hole in the roof. (Very poor, I'll get my coat)

Gutted that Djemba Djemba got that sneeky 5th goal last night, although I had no money on the 4-0 prediction but would have won the respect of family and friends. Now they just point at me and say "4-0 nyaaah you twat"

Friday night games Neil, no idea mate, I can only imagine that one or both have a European tie on the Tuesday or Wednesday night the week after so both clubs agreed to move the game forward to the Friday to give them that vital 12 hours more rest before the next game. Could be wrong, but lets face it...

Are people going to be watching the game anywhere on Sunday afternoon? Cross Keys? Catholic Club? Hatchet (GAY BAR)?

Can anyone tell me why premiership games are played on Friday evenings I have just read that the Arsenal v Newcastle game is Friday 26 at 8pm. Anyone got any ideas?????

Browny - I've just been reading that some nutter attacked David Blaine yesterday... Was it you?

The papers said he ran like he had two left feet, broke into a sweat and had a nose bleed as soon as he got close to the box.

Was a bit unsure because he didn't fall over?

That's probably because your strange Paul.

Anyone else seen the new Nike ad? They've followed up the 'musical chairs' ad with a 'tag on your way to work' ad which I reckon is better. I saw it on Football365.com as a pop up.

Aaaaahhhh...

...with all those pillows.

Without Bartez, Man Utd are not the team they used to be, so I reckon they'll keep a clean sheet tonight and win 4-0 cos it's too early in the season for them to realise they suck yet. It's hot and sweaty in my office and it's all blokes. That's no fun. It's just like the mornings in room 9 at the Gynway...

Unfortunately I predict a 3-0 Man Utd win... Wan*ers.

Apparently Browny was gutted when I told him we were playing Westwood and a footy team turned up.

John, that you can't spell thing. My granny does live in a tree. Dropped.

Na, that was just browny doing 'A big shout out, and give it large to the boys from Sheffield' on Kick FM this morning....

You have imagined it my friend, just like you imagined Steve T creeping into your room at Blackpool... We said (your idea I seem to remember) that we'd ge together at Henwick, Vicky Park or Stroud Green and have a 7 a side match or something...

Shane did I read somewhere we have a game this Sunday, or have I imagined it?

Sway's nice Browny, you'll like it.

The building itself was built during the 18th century and the restaurant is open planned and decorated in blue with an open kitchen.

Food: Mon-Fri 12:00-03:00; Sat 17:00-03:00
Pan Roasted Salmon, Soft Herb Cous Cous, Red Pepper Chutney £10.95
Roast Rump of Lamb, Sweet Garlic Mash and Red Currant Sauce £12.95
½ Spit Roasted Free Range Chicken, Smokey BBQ Sauce & Coleslaw £11.95
Char-grilled Fillet Steak, Fondant Potato and Green Peppercorn Jus £14.95
Roast Mediterranean Vegetable Tart, Taleggio and Oregano £8.95
Fusilli Pasta with Snow Peas, Pesto and Creamed Chestnut Mushrooms £7.95
Booking: Necessary to book
Dress code: Smart / Funky - No trainers or hats
Music: No Live music. DJ's on Thu, Fri, Sat - 70's, 80's, Commercial Dance, Funky House, R n' B.


Enjoy it yeah.

Afternoon all,

Just been to the world championship strawberry picking competition.
A woman with no legs won it!!!!
JAMMY C**T

No I didn't lob anyhthing at him, but there are plenty of people munching on MCd's and waving at him. quality.

Just bout to have a lunch time beer, in a rather plush place called Sway. No its not a gay bar before anyone asks.

London is great, but I wouldn't want to live there. Worked there for just under a year and had enough. Can understand why people like it, but I'm happy being a tourist. Did you lob anything at Blaine? Did anyone notice that I was right about lack of footy at training correlating with a superb performance on the Sunday? This Thursday at training I reckon we just sit down for an hour, we'll be brilliant!

Sounds like great fun, I think that Genghis would be in his element a bit more, you know how he likes his little boy's.
Have to say London isn't anything special, just seen Blaine in his box. He looks rather bleak. why anyone would want to go 44 days with no food, i'll never know. P.S I am w*nking as I write this.

Paul I hope you havn't shagged my mum, that would just be sick!!!

Come and work here Paul. Your be in your element, the average age of the women must be about 45yrs old. Right up your street. That ole splint will get plenty of use. Plus you never get bored cause you just get loads of ass-holes shouting at you !

And you Chris, your love it here too... Theres a creche.

sounds painfull!!! Like wise business is boring to, not a lot happening in here either.

Suprised you can still get it up at your age.

thanks mate, doesn't mater weather im loged on or off you lot can still talk bout me. Never stoped you before.

Well log off so we can talk about you then. !!

Morning all, this sounds like a bloody mothers meeting in here.

Good evening Jonny S... Didn't want to leave you out.

Jolly good morning to you all.

morning mate, hows business?

Cheer smurf, and the abuse starts. Im off to London to day and tommorow, so i'l be writing to you lot from there.
Nothing wrong with being linesman of the year, it got me a trophy.
Oh shit is that the time, I need to go and catch my train.

Ok, I honestly do have better things to do with my evenings than type in this little white box,but check these links out, aiiiit.....

www.b3ta.com/youcantspell/
www.yourallgay.com/
http://www.b3ta.com/buffyswear/

All need volume, and all will probably require flexing your mouth muscles...

Oh, and if anyone fancies coming for a curry in Reading Saturday night, let me know. Ill probably tell you to f**k off. Try me.

Hello Browny. Just spoke to you. Thought I'd let you know.

Good job im still signed on and slaving away at work, as long as I beat 6 for the season ill be happy.
John as for the predictions not a chance mate, its already in the bag, thats what they call fighting talk.

Well im going home now, at last after my 12 hour day, and im gona sleep, and see you all bright and early in the morning.

Also (Its annoying only coming on here in the evenings, I have loads of stuff to reply to, and noone else is online!)

Shane - I know what effing team you should pick. But Im not going to say, that would be telling.

Adam - Bit worrying that you want to 'abuse Matt all day'!!

Pleased to see quite a few of you have signed up for the prediction malarky, Im gonna kick your candy asses.

Neil - Are you worried Stev Tab could take your place? Apparantly he has been on hot goal scoring form...on Fifa2003

Erm, nothing else to say. Im going to get more people to sign up to freedom fighters...anyone got any email addresses I havent signed up yet? Then Im going to the pub.

Why is everyone being so nice to each other? Its disturbing me. Im worried we might all become like Steve. If you know what I mean...

Dont have anything to say about the match, said it all already. Dont have anything to say about the midfielders goal competition, as I havent scored yet. And I know they werent very good, but I'm still gonna carry on shooting if I get a chance, as I want to score, and it keeps the keeper on his toes (even if he is just running to get the ball).

Whatup style to the Browny massif, whatcha doin here boy yu shouldbe homeboy wit ya niggas and ya rastas an da wacky backy man, innit, aiiiiii...

I knew I was right about daves goal, it could only be a long long long ball from genghis that wasn't ment for anyone other than the corner flag.
Nice to know everyone has got nothing better to do other than take the piss out of me, some things never change. Oh well, looks like I better get used to it.

Paul your ball wasn't that good or I would have scored. They way I look at it was that it bounched to high, so I had to head it past the keeper and you know what im like at heading which is why I missed. Now if it was a perfect ball it would have been along the floor or chest height so I could have taken it in my stride and slotted it home. Only joking mate, cracking ball I just got the impression no matter what I did yesterday it wasn't going in. Please can I join in the assist game, I seem to be doing better at that?

Carry on mate. Browny's so stoopid he was walking through Reading with a mate when he say a sign saying "Tree Fellers Wanted" and he said "what a pity its just the two of us."

no one can remember my first goal!!! it was a long ball from genghis ( no suprise there... i think he was aiming for the river behind the goal!! ) and the kepper came running out and i just lobbed it over him with a bit of left curl into the back of the open net... well thats how i remember it any way......

got some results from our division
tvs 1 hamsted norris 1 who we beet 4-1 last season in the cup...
wkd (five bells) 0 cold ash (wankers) 3

smiler, adam, smurf - football tomorrow night is at 9 against newbury roofing, so make sure you bring your shin pads and crash helmet......

now that browney is on her does that mean you all have to stop abusing him!!! or can we just carry on....

I got no problem with that mate, just want to work as hard as I can to get a regular spot.
Just bout had enough of 2day and wana go home.
That all sounds pretty much right mate, but I think it was a long ball from Genghis, for daves 2nd.

Maybe... But in my defence, last week I spent most the game 'in defence'. And may I also remind all (10) the other midfielders that me and Rob are the only two midfielders that have scored.... So your now the chasing pack!!

Daves only got four and he's up front and all he has to do is score...

If me and Rob were up front, we'd be on double figures between us by now!!

No. But it's a good point. I need to make a note of the assists. Right, help me out, and be honest you bastards...

Goal 1 Rob - assist by Neil, who's not included
Goal 2 Dave - ?
Goal 3 Rob - assist by Browny
Goal 4 Dave - assist by Neil, who's not included
Goal 5 Dave - assist by Adam
Goal 6 Rob - assist by John Lamb
Goal 7 Matt - no assist?

Matt's not even top of the midfield scorers any more, having played 180 minutes against Rob's less than 90 minutes...

(we should all remember that goals are better than assists)

One of Daves was set up my Neil... I'm pretty sure of that because I can remember praising him. I can't remember the other one, but I'd imagine I set it up? !!

Do I get an assist and a goal for my one?

And if anyone can talk me through Dave's two goals (not the one where Adam put him clear and he decided to wait for the keeper to get in his way before he scored) that would be helpful. I remember Matt's and Rob's.

Can anyone tell me what order the goals went on Sunday? My memory/guess is:-

Rob
Dave
Rob
Rob
Dave
Dave
Matt

Any advance on that?

Just getting shot up in Medal of Honour. Got myself a nice little spot in a church tower with a rocket launcher and some git comes and shoots me in the back. Where's the love I ask you?

Browny, um, headache, yeah.

No, seriously, you played well and, more importantly, you were effective. There's a big difference between playing well and playing effectively, then you get to the point where you're doing both. Banks are a case in point, they play very well, some lovely footy, but they go nowhere with it.

But when I tell you to hug the line as soon as we get the ball, bloody do it. You were unfortunate that on the left at Northcroft is where the management stand, so we can see how much room you could have had out there. Still, you did well with what you gave yourself so no problem.

For the record, the reason I left Crabbeman out completely yesterday was to rest his groin. The reason I took Browny and John Sills off at half time was to give the other guys a full half and the reason I waited to do the same with Paul was cos I wanted to give Rob the chance to get his hat-trick and have cover in case anyone else got injured.

You got a problem widat Browny then ya betta not come frunna me coz ah'll git bizzy on ya muthamutha puppy. Rasta! Pushin it out for my man Robsta OG wid da MOTMFM award comin' atcha...

Cheers mate just another headache for you mate for the left side or right. I wont bother next time rob, i put that on a plate for you.
Just on lunch now working my arse off, nice to see that Shane is busy as usual. What game they got you playing today??

There must have been a game in there in the afternoon...? It was fine when we left. I was the last out, and Mike locked it after and surely would have noticed if it was a sh*t hole. Same applys for the showers, not as if we were caked in mud or anything?? Blo*dy moaning gits.

There were some quality balls yesterday, (none of which were from me unfortunately!) but take nothing away from yourself Rob, you still had to put the thing in the net, thats the hardest bit of all, hence why you got MOTM.

I thought we played well again, we were passing it more than usual and looked more relaxed and as Shane said, still had to beat them. Just don't mention they only had nine in the write up, then it looks better when other teams read it!!

Theres absolutely no reason why we should be afraid of any teams in theis league, if anything there be afraid of us, if there getting stuffed by the likes of Cold Ash and we managed to give them a game....

Sorry Browny, forgot to mention your cross for Rob's second. Another quality ball. Makes a big difference eh?

Did we leave the changing rooms in a bad state? Was there some 'horseplay' going on in the showers/toilets? Just had a call from the council saying it was in a right mess when they opened up this morning - I said I couldn't believe it was our guys, or their team, and that I hadn't seen the state of the toilets as I'd not gone in there. Luckily they didn't think it was us anyway as we've been there for 3 seasons and they've not had a complaint before. I crapped myself cos I thought they were phoning up to say someone had seen me kicking the door in...

Hurray, even us northeners can use t'internet! I'm told I can insult Browny and Matt coming on here. What about the great passing abilities of Dave Lewis?

I've swung back and forth about yesterday's game, obviously we were superb, but obviously they were 2 players short. But my conclusion is this - A team with 10 men can be a dangerous animal, can often win but can also be very difficult to break down. 9 men is only one player less, and they still had 4 men across the back. You still need to play your best to beat a 10 man squad, you can hope to not concede, but you can't guarantee scoring. A 9 man squad you can hope to not concede but we guaranteed that they never even had a shot, and we put 7 past them. It's impossible to say whether that team would have played that well against 11 men, but that's not their fault, the point is that they took their chance and played superbly against whoever was up against them. Some of the passes we saw, Neil's to set up Rob, Paul through to Neil and Adam's through to Dave Lewis, left them with no options at the back, even when they had two players chasing our one. I think we saw the difference of having quality balls going forward to the front players, when sometimes that's where we've lacked a little.

It's easy to say that you should have done well cos you were only up against 9 men, but you did do well, and that's the best you could have done on the day. I honestly don't think that putting two more players on their team would have made much of a difference. You know how good you can play now, so in future games you just need to work to have the right to play that stuff.

Next game is at home to TVS, a very good side, but a team who we know we can keep down to limited chances even though they may have a lot of the ball. Good defence, but they'll need to be.

Anyone got any ideas what effing team I should pick?

I'm doing ok for insults so far today... Either I'm playing ok or your all building them up for one massive bombardment.

Mind you Brownies logged on now so we can just insult him... Business as usual...

Wots up Browny, you looking fly today, init.... A big shout out to ya homey...

Yeah... 'A big shout out'..... Wicked... Init... Bo-selecter.....

Morning all, how are we?
Good result on sunday lets hope for another good cup run. Big shout to our man Rob, not bad for a debut. MOTM 2. So this is what you all do all day rather than working.

Hello bloggers, now that im registered does that mean i can abuse matt any time i want???
Sounds good to me!!

Smurfy, did you, in another of your frankly hilarious japes, delete the FPL I set up?!

For anyone that is interested, Ive set up a mini league on www.ukfpl.com. Go to www.ukfpl.com, sign up, go to sub leagues, find the shefford one, the user name is Shefford and the password is Essex, and then each week you predict 8 matches, and we see who is the best.

Great game this morning, I thinkit's good that we have had our first win of the season, a nice comfortable victory. I know they only had 9 players but you can only beat what is put in front of you!!

I think what was better for the season as a whole is that everyone played well, even Matt. It made no difference when the subsitutions were made, and when people swapped positions, which shows again how strong our squad is for this season, and how we have cover (and competition) in all areas of the pitch. Except for in goal of course, so I guess we are stuck with Smurfy!

I guess I should get back to my busy day of playing on Champ Manager now. Ive guided Colchester to the dizzy heights of 12th in Division One, on a shoe string budget. Im after your job Shane...

Youre last Smurf...

Just got back from Clacton, so Ive left a world of sunshine, girls in short skirts and heels in the middle of the days, and crazy golf, to come to, well, exactly the same. Except for the crazy golf. And the Pier. And the Sand. But apart from that, its the same. And the Sea.

If Matt plays well tomorrow, I'll certainly give him my MOTM vote. Especially if he buys me a pint (but why change a habit of a lifetime?!?!)

I dont mind getting the food for the Fifa 2004 party. You all like Cheese and Ketchup sandwiches, right?

Boobies...

Smurf it's easy to use this - all you do is

Grrrrrrrr.....

Perhaps he's just angry with us.

Not got the hang of it yet then Smurf...?

Thats it settled then...

Fifa 2004: Supplied by Mr S Bellamy

Venue (House): Supplied by Mr P Curtis

Food: Supplied by Mr J Sills (No Tesco Value permitted)

Beer: I will provide some... But not enough to feed you a lot all night long.

Time/Date: The next Saturday Pauls missus goes out.

£1 for first goal scorer ??

Boobies....

I was also once a student, but it was different in my day, which wasn't as long ago as Paul's day, but it was long enough ago to be just about the start of the time when everyone realised students were work-shy fops who leave it as late as possible to cut their hair or replace their shower-gel. These people look for cash points that give out fivers. They pay for things by cheque and drink supermarket own-brand lager and claim it's not that bad actually. They reheat kebabs in the morning and can't pass an 'all-you-can-eat' pizza place without feeling funny. They take my taxes, and your taxes, and still come out £12,000 in debt. That's why degrees take 3 years, cos that's how long it takes to write out cheques for no more than £5 each that add up to £12,000. Then they claim they shouldn't have to pay it back. They're the future of the country. The country's f*cked.

Matt won MOTM, nobody can have a pop at him until after Sunday if he doesn't win it again. I know that means I've just lost him the Paul Curtis and John Sills votes this week, but it's not me so I don't care. Last one to post "Boobies" does a murder run on Sunday after the game.

I know I won Mr S cause if it was even remotely close, Genghis would have had great pleasure in making me do the extra running!!

As for my three good touches a game... I have nothing to prove to the likes of you! As for the fitness, fair enough but that's only because I've got more weight to carry, purely because your stuck in you student ways and would rather have sky than eat! (apart from those sour grapes obviously).

Thanks for your comments Paul. Ain't it about time you went home...!! The missus will just be getting the rocking chair and pipe ready!

Good shout, a consumer focus group session. Maybe when I'm more in with the client it's worth asking. I'm getting better on Medal of Honour, though I fear I may be playing it too much. I went into town earlier on and when I parked my car and got out I looked at all the high buildings and for a split second considered moving the car to a position with more shelter from snipers. I need help.

I don't think anyone can question Matt at the moment as you all voted him MOTM on Sunday. And he scored. Admittedly I heard him shout "Smurf" before he connected with it...

So Shane, If you're getting Fifa2004 first, I think we should all have a Fifa2004 night at yours, comprising of Fifa2004, Beer, Pringles, Other food, more beer. You can even put it on company expenses as 'advertising', as if we are all impressed by it, then we will all buy it...clever huh?!

Matty,

1. I'm not convinced that you did beat me, John Lamb said he thought I won it.

2. If you did beat me, it was only because you made the mistake and therefore had a headstart. For some foolish reason I had faith in that you would be able to tell the difference between your left foot and your right foot.

3. If the whole team were at your level of fitness and sharpness, then we would all have about 3 good touches per match, which seems to occur after the hangover has cleared and before you start getting knackered. So that will be between 33mins and 35mins into the match then. Me and Crabbeman do all the running which makes you look good with your one good pass a match. I know for a fact your volley was meant as a cross, I'm sure I heard you say 'Dave, on your head' as you hit it, as I remembr thinking how stupid it was that you were wxpecting Lewis to header a ball. He doesnt have the heading skills of you or I.

I'm shite at the Sims mate, SimCity I can do (have a casino and everything) but the Sims is just too trivial - you get to play with people's lives, and I have you lot for that. Next Thursday I'm going to get you to entertain Genghis with a puppet. (A particular move in the Sims which I've never impressed anyone with yet.)

And f*ck you all, cos I'm just writing the document which is going to translate the FIFA 2004 website into all the necessary different languages, and I've got the wallpaper on my desktop and the screensaver and I'm going to be one of the first people in the UK to play it, at work, getting paid for it.

Couldn't join in last night cos I'm a little ill, but to show that I'm fair I've also sacrificed the place on the bench I was going to give myself this week because of it.

Genghis, people obviously like feeling sick at training, that's a new benchmark we've reached.

Cool.

I thought I was gunna be sick after the first exercise last night, I think I just had to wait for the KFC mega bucket to settle. Then the same feeling came on after the second exercise, but then I realise I was stood to close to Paul and his aftershave.

I enjoyed it last night as well, it's a lot more fun when theres a variety and like you said that benefits us more than a match, I pick up less injuries because Genghis can't hoof me. And I beat Jonny S running around the circle.

Fitness isn't a problem within our team but we still need to maintain it, otherwise were just get lazy. If we could bring a few players fitness/sharpness up to my level, I think we'll have a winning formula on our hands, so extra exercises for Dave C, John S, Neil and Genghis is a fair shout I think....

We'll even let you join in next week if you like Shane? (If your not out with your computer buddies discussing tactics on how to bed your neighbors on The Sims!)

Training was good last night, Genghis did a good job there. There is a direct correlation between lack of football at training and good performances on the Sunday after so we should be up for a stormer this weekend. Good bit of agility, little bit of ball work, but good test of sharpness under duress. When you're unfit/knackered you're getting less oxygen to the brain so you're a little slower and a little less able to make the right decision. Why you all ran away from the goalposts which were right next to you I'll never know, but I guess it showed willingness.

Between Mikey and I we'll be doing more of that sort of thing because it develops the right kind of fitness - short bursts of running rather than overall stamina - and it makes you sharper towards the end of games. It's not a weak area for us anymore anyway but you can always get better...

Liverpool manager Gerard Houllier sends scouts out round the World
looking for a new striker to replace Emile Heskey and hopefully win
Liverpool the title.

One of his scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks
will turn out to be a true superstar. So Gerard flies to Iraq to watch
him, is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Anfield.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down at home to Man Utd with only 20
minutes left. Houllier gives the young Iraqi striker the nod to go on
and he takes off Emile Heskey. The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20
minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the
players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.

When he comes off the pitch he phones his Mum to tell her about his
first day in English football.
"Hi Mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were
4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the
players and the media, they all love me".

"Great," says his Mum, "let me tell you about my day. Your father got
shot in the street, your sister and I were beaten and your brother has
joined a gang of looters, while you were having a great time".
The young lad is very upset. "What can I say Mum, but I'm so sorry".
"Sorry!" says his Mum, "It's your fault we moved to Liverpool in the
first place!"

Really enjoyed trainging tonight, and I feel pretty good after it which is always a good sign!

Right, Im off to sunny Essex for one night, See you all Sunday...

Fair point, I guess there have been good strikers who have failed to score regularly for England, he just doesn't seem to look dangerous anymore. Every time he gets the ball to his feet he seems lost, gangly and uncoordinated. I reckon he's been doing too much training with his head, he seems alright at that, but he just doesn't look natural anymore on the ball. Remember the way he ran around Argentina before his goal against them? That was someone who was completely comfortable with the ball at his feet. Now he never seems to have it under control. And is still trying to get it where he wants it when he runs directly into a defender. How many times did he take the ball round someone last night? I don't remember any. How many times did he make an incisive run through on goal? A lot of that is down to how the team behind him are playing, and the Liechtensteinies (?) had 11 men behind the ball for a lot of the time so it's impossible to find any space between them and the keeper - I was just in the middle of explaining to Julie that the solution was for England to drop back a little and draw them on, to create space behind their back 4, when Hansen proudly announced that England should be piling forwards and squeezing them into their own half. The bastard. My way we'd have won 3-0.

Well I'm beginning to feel like Im the only person in th world who believes this now, but I think Owen is one of only 5 World Class players England have, with Becks, Gerrard, Campbell and Ferdy. I think that people are havng a go at him because of the high standards he has set himself by being great early on in his career. I mean, he is put there to score goals, and he does it nearly every match for England. It must be hard for him not having a regular partner for England, as he must have to adapt his game, depending on if it is Rooney or Heskey or neither or both up front with him.

As Sven said a couple of weeks ago, we dont know how lucky we are!

Venue switch - Henwick tonight, not Vicky Park, not Stroud Green, Henwick. Tell everyone. 7pm on the dot, don't be late.

Woohoo.

Beattie was playing?

He was unlucky with the chest down and shot off the post thing, but other than that I thought he did great running around empty areas of the pitch - sometimes you need a player to do that. Perhaps Sven had told him he was going to have to work hard off the ball...

Good to know you could hear Adam's hooter on the telly. I'd have had Hesky on instead of Owen. Owen's lost it, he now tries to take the ball round people by running through them, like Dave Lewis, but Dave Lewis has the bulk to actually achieve it, whereas the petite Owen just loses the ball. His striker instinct is only there in flashes, he took his header well, but when the ball came to his feet with an open goal he decided against being a professional footballer for that split second. Heskey may not be everyone's favourite, but against a timid and rather feminine defence he'd have bulldozed himself a couple of goals, whereas Owen tickled himself up against them and then watched the ball ping away. At least Neil, who is smaller than Owen, actually gets the ball around people. You play to your strengths, Owen seems to have forgotten what his are.

The Liechtenstein keeper - would you?

Because when Owen and Rooney are playing as well, Beattie was always going to find it hard to shine, but I thought he did the same running and barging that Heskey does, which is importantm but he also was an attacking threat, dont forget he hit the bar!

Im pleased for you Smurfy!!

I thought we played pretty well last night, we created a hell of a lot of chances which is unlike England, and we could have scored a hell of a lot more had Owen not missed the open goal, or the bar got in the way. (Incidentally, we all put £1 in the pot on first scorer, and I had Owen. To say I wasn't happy when he missed would be an understatement. I was considering writing to him to get the money, but then he scored first anyway so I was happy again, especially as the pot had risen to £6 + 2 botles of Bud...)

I would probably go with Owen and Beattie up front again with Rooney behind them against Turkey, as I think Rooney played better in Scholes role than Scholes has been doing of late. The Turks will still be scared of Roonaldo after the last match, and Breattie looked strong throughout. W only need a drwaw though so I would stick with Bridge instead of Cole, and keep Gerrard, Beckham, and Butt/Hargreaves as the defensive 3 of the Diamond. And I would be on the bench.

See you all tonight, except for Neil of course. Sorry to hear about your illness mate, sounds horrible, I hope I never catch it, though I hear it is very contageous...

Now that would be cool. Not sure how they would stand alongside Newbury College, but perhaps they could sponsor our annual trip to Blackpool...?

I guess when you go into a sex shop you learn a whole lot of new stuff, so there's educational value there.

Why am I a BAD BAD man? Is it the banana stuff? I'm not racist, not in the slightest, I'm just trying to get Matt, Tony and Adam humiliated on international TV. That's not so much BAD as cheeky...

Sorry I cant make training anymore, seems I picked up an illness called anti-pro athlete or something. Seems there is an illness againts murder runs (best not let this out though, the whole team will go down with it) Im aloud to training, just not aloud to take part in any physical exhausting sport so I should be able to take part in the matches then.

The only call smurfs going to get from Chelsea is the one where there after someone to taste the Chelsea buns before they go on sale!