What a day Sillsy. Smurfy gets a phone call from Shalbourne in the morning saying "how many players you got?" - turns out the ref has phoned them up saying that he can't get back from Birmingham in time and they were struggling for squad so asked if one of us could ref it.

So I've ended up reffing the game, they've started with 10 men and within the first 10 minutes have had a guy injured, so we played most of the first half against 9 men.

And we were shit. Dunno whether it was nerves, complacency or the bad pitch but we were quite poor. Went 1-0 up when Smurfy's booted the ball straight down the middle, the bounce has done their centre back and Lewis only needed one touch to steer it past the keeper. We showed glimpses of being good but all in all it was pretty poor.

2nd half started much the same and Shalbourne could sense it. They were back up to 10 players now and built up pressure to the point where they got themselves a penalty to draw level.

After that we had a few more nervous moments but began using the extra man to our advantage using the width and spreading the ball around. They couldn't really contain us then and pretty soon Matty latched on to a through ball and passed the ball into the net to put us ahead. We settled down quite nicely then and had a few good moves before Matty got the ball on the edge of the area, turned his defender a couple of times and then drove a left footer right up into the top corner. I hated being ref at that point cos I couldn't jump around like a cock.

We were all over them by now and Matty had a great chance to grab his hat-trick when Genghis ran the width of the pitch trying to get the ball under control and then flicked a lovely incisor pass through leaving Matty one-one-one but he pulled it wide. Then Miller had a one-on-one chance and again pulled it wide. Then they had an attack and their matey-boy's caught it beautifully on the edge of the area to put them back to 3-2. Browny had just come on. Thankfully Dave Screw was running the show by now and spinning balls out every which way. So within minutes he's pinged a pinpoint cross over for Macca to nip in front of his marker and head the ball home.

That made the final 20 minutes a lot more comfortable than it might have been, though to be fair by now we were looking really good and everyone was on top of their game. Shalbourne had been run ragged in the 2nd half and were knackered and gave up hope. Final whistle went and Shefford were treated to a standing ovation - in that we were all stood up.

Then we had some champagne, then lots of beer, then I got kicked out of Liquid for dealing drugs which, in my opinion, puts me on a par with you getting kicked out for "touching someone's hair".

Next time we win the league I'm going for "pimping".