He doesn't mean pit - he's just trying to sound genuine. The nearest pit to him is actually Wookey Hole. He takes guided tours of Japanese people round there.

New John, John. John King this time, has signed for us from Turnpike and is a pretty solid left-back. Not that we needed a pretty solid left-back as JT (though right-sided) has deputised there more then excellently for a few seasons now. But it does give us even more strength as we now have John (King), JT, Genghis and Browny (who has been playing superbly this season) as options for fullbacks, with Ben, Gareth and even Matty if things get unexpected.

Sadly Hilly is long-term out with a dodgy knee but luckily we've got Chris Miller to put in the centre alongside Tony. We've conceded the fewest goals in the division but really I think we should be capable of conceding a lot less. If you'd seen the 3 we let in on Sunday you'd agree.

In fact the only position that we don't have adequate cover for at the moment is that scourge of Sunday sides everywhere - goalie. A particular issue at the moment as Smurf is away next week for our first game against Waggon & Horses, a side who have lost to shit teams but beaten decent teams so far this season. But I'm getting fitter by the day at the moment so am likely to don the old gloves again for old time's sake.

And Dave Lewis has been a revelation recently. Got a hat trick on Sunday (could have had another one but we won anyway) and set up Andy Miller with a beautifully weighted, defence splitting pass leaving Miller clear through on goal. At times we looked like Brian Clough was managing us, moving the ball from our box to theirs completely on the green stuff. Young man.

Looking forward to your stag do by the way - am finding out all the coolest bars and clubs in Valencia so we can trash them after the footy.