Wishing all Shefford players, girlfriends, wives, sons, daughters and not-girlfriends-but-still-available-for-a-bunk-up-in-the-bogs a very Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year and I shall see those of you who survive it on the 8th January for a trip to Chaversham.

Merry Christmas, wherever you are.

I'm still here collecting your taxes...

Merry Christmas.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a VERY HAPPY CHRISTMAS! and prosperous NEW YEAR! HO! HO! HO!

It's a home fixture for us Reading boys, getting up at half nine, staggering into the Changing Rooms at 10.20am, then seeing the opposition ut in the pub and getting beaten up. Quality.

Merry Christmas one and all. Have a pretty good New Year.

Nice! I love a nice Berks & Bucks Cup away trip. Some of the best and worst times happen on those and none of the players know where I live.

Berks & Bucks Cup. 8th January away to Caversham Town

Good cos I'm still working like a youth team player who's just shat in one of Roy Keane's boots by mistake.

Merry Christmas gents - Smurfy when's the next fixtured match?

Im still here mate

You buggers all already broken up for Christmas?

Is there some competition going on for the most number of reasons to be kicked out of Liquid?

Fight - check
Pulling hair - check
Bunk up in the bogs - check

It's a good effort from Crabbeman though - if you're wooing a young lady there's no more romantic place around than the Liquid ladies toilets. Forget a nice meal, some soft music and fine wine, just hoik em aside love and hook your foot up on the flush for a couple of minutes...

All got chucked out of Seymours then apparently Crabbeman got chucked out of liquids for trying to shag his 'Mrs' in the ladies loo.
I never made it as far as liquids

So what was the gossip from the rest of Sunday then? Last night I was at a party with Tim Lovejoy and Steve Macmanamanamanaman amongst other celebs (Rachel Stevens and Emma Bunton included).

Managed to stay respectable though despite wanting to start the "Easy" chant after a few champagnes...

I'm ILL

How polite you dont usually ask!!!!!!

Who is this Sillsy bloke anyway?

Sillsy i think and i might be wrong here but don't you need a left foot!!!! Oh and to be able to defend.

Smurf please don't put Sillsy there. lol.

Does that mean I can go for Left Back? I played right back when I was 13...

Beeny! You can't just disappear on us mate we've seen you through good times and bad you owe us more than that. You go, we go. I'd kill you rather than see you leave us. You complete us. You're our life, our heart, our everything. Maybe we can still be friends, you know, go out now and then. Is it us? We can change. We've let ourselves go a bit recently but we can really try. We'll do anything you want. If you can walk out that door without looking back then you can go.

Oh.

Keep in touch mate.

No Smurf... but she might!

Crabbeman if she is not your girlfriend you wont mind me shagging her sunday then.

Me and lewis collided at training yesterday i now no why nobody ever gets up when he nuts them!!!! my head has been killing all day thank god my nose didnt go into his head or i would be looking as bas as browny!!!!! looking forward to sunday if you wanna bring cat along john katie will be coming along but she isnt my GIRLFRIEND. I am trying to take over the beeney roll but the women i sleep with are actually good looking!!!!!

Smurf Just to let you know I won't be available for the rest of the season, What with commitments on Saturday's and playing Mondays and Wednesdays it's all a little to much for my frail body so I have to give one of them up.

Good luck for the rest of the season guys and have good night on Sunday, hope you all have a great Christmas!!

Frew, youve stolen that straight from F365...

What happened to him? Surely he didn't actually take a punch for once? Man if Lewis starts getting beaten up then my hold understanding of life is turned upside down. First One True Voice split up and now this...

Yeah, he couldn't decide if it was broken or out of shape, got home and his missus said 'what have you done to your nose?'. So there was his answer!

He said he just has a lump at the top, not badly out of shape. No black eyes etc.

I told him he's going to have a nose the size of mine... Just to help keep his confidence up.

Other halves have always been welcome in the past - Beenie usually brings some feisty female along who instantly becomes our leader and then dumps him. Julie'll be there.

I'm not bringing my other half and i to will not be participating in liquid i will be leaving at pub closing time.

Eh? Kirsten wants us walking around, arms tucked in, picking up corn from the floor with our mouths? How bizarre. Still, if the beer is flowing...

So Sunday, I probably wont be out for the Liquid part, I'll skip on the last train back. Are girlfriends coming? Crabbeman said yes, but I wanted to see what everyone else was doing...

What more news do you want? Lets catch up on Sunday - blogger aint really the place for gossip and stuff.

Halfway is still fine for Sunday though - I spoke to Kirsten and she's still keen to have us in there acting like cocks.

Are we still ok for the Halfway on Sunday then? Anymore news of Crossey?

lol not sure what point you're trying to make their smurfy but I'm sure Paul took it the right way.

Looking forward to Sunday avo - I might be taking it gently though as I'm out tomorrow with the BBC, then out Saturday for my company's christmas party, then out Monday with a client for their christmas party, then out Tuesday with a client for another christmas party. Rachel Stevens might be at the party on Monday night so I want to be in good form for her, so forgive me if I'm not out all night and drinking hard on Sunday. I am not gay.

Will still win a few quid off you all in the "Randomly made up Christmas competition" - last year's "flicking the quid into the cubby hole" was a true favourite, so will shall see...

One of our blokes at work had his done as well Monday night,and he is as thick as fuck!

Fucking hell you were lucky, depending on which way you look at it. So they broke in while you were in the house? That's fucking scary biscuits. I guess you'll be stashing your car keys a little more securely in the house from now on then? Do you get to know the names and addresses of the thicko's they nicked? So many questions. See you at the pub on Sunday.

Paul are you serious about having your cars nicked???

Drinks after the game this sunday. I have my parents coming over so may have to join you a little later in the afternoon - hopefully before the footy kicks off - is it a 4pm match the arsenal one?

Bayer 7 - 0 Monument
Reading 5 -1 Brighton
Henwick 5 - 0 Newthatch

Bayer 7 0 Monument
Henwick 5 0 Newthatch

Bayer 7 0 Monument
Henwick 5 0 Newthatch

Weekend results

Bayer 7 Monument 0
Henwick 5 Newthatch 0

Lewis covered more ground this week than last too, got quite close to the goal at one point.

With me in goal as well it was a stunning performance - never dropped a single shot...

Mr Hills, don't apologise! It was a cracking joke!

My apologies fo that shit joke but couldn't resist

That would have been very aMOOOOsing! Boom! Boom!

Not a problem Frew, just assumed you were trying to bring me down a peg or two for being so smug at the couple of cheeky goals I scored!

Enjoyed last night as well. Lewis needs his system flushed out, cause those smells were no joke. The only time he bothered coming back to defend was when he needed to fart.... I was weezing all the way home.

....oh, and then Ad nearly crashed into a cow on Burys Bank Road!!

Just done the match report for sundays game on www.yellowjersey.net

Coming from a player that calls a good tackle ' anything above the knee'... and uses quotes to the ref, such as: "come on ref, theres no blood" !

Quite looking forward to training tonight - need the fitness.

What the Blimey o' Reilly has happened? You boys drew 2-2 with Bayer? Drew? With Bayer? Could someone please explain!

Cant believe that other piece of shocking news, you wouldnt have expected it. Still, I guess I have to start a game sometimes...

Frew, I've missed you baby. I got the thing you asked for from the 'Dam. When customs asked, I said the 'Classic Plastic Fist' was a toy for a pet dog.

No sorry Frew I have to disagree with you there they would never take any notice.

It would have to be Simple Simon Says........

Best stick to gritting Smurf.

After all the effort of climbing a 'HILL' Reward your self with a pint of man juice.

Shudder.

Yeah I think Kirsten is handling it as well as can be expected but a load of thugs all bounding in going "where's Crossy?" and "where're our fooking chips?" when she has no husband and no chef would have been the last thing she needed.

Frewy your accent would have instantly guaranteed you for the "Deprived Area Discount" - if you'd pushed it a bit further they have a stock of unclaimed giro's behind the bar that they give out to Scousers and Scotsmen. It's considered traditional for the recipient to say "I'll sort you out on payday" - as then it's understood by both parties that considering payday does not exist in those areas, no payback is actually due.

To be really polite, as you say "sort you out" you should have that slightly dead look in your eye (brought on by heroine addiction) which should make everyone wonder what you really mean by it...

Coughing as you walk away is overdoing it, we know you have houses with roofs up there these days.

By the way Shane I've got some preliminary samples of 'Man Juice' for you when you want it.

That was probably their 'bit for charidy' Smurf so don't read anything into it! As for u smiler, your name and bounding don't even come in the same sentence. In fact you can't use your name with anything remotely athletic and that's coming from Simon 'snails pace' Hill!

Wondered why i always got mine for free!!!

I think Smurf had only heard rumors, and didn't know anything for certain. Just had heard that Crossey was currently not at the pub. But I don't think he knew much more than that. Or at least didn't say any more.

We didn't go back there on Sunday, which was probably a good thing as I doubt Kirsten would have wanted us bounding though the door asking where Crossey was - obviously not realising the seriousness of it all.

Mind you - after a 2-2 draw with Bayer no one was exactly bounding anywhere.

Well I'm not sure what Smurf's told you but I may as well let you all know - wanted to explain it face to face but this'll have to do...

Crossy and Kirsten have currently split up. Kirsten is manning the pub and Crossy, I believe, has gone up North to stay at his dad's house. If you're ever in The Halfway then please be diplomatic about it all as it's not been a particularly amicable split and Kirsten is quite upset about it - coupled with that that the chef and the barmaid have also gone (they knew that was happening as they had an opportunity to go and run their own pub, something they've been looking at for some time) but it's put Kirsten under some pressure to suddenly be landed with all that on her own - so go gentle.

As for Crossy, well you can make your own minds up on that one - I'm personally not particularly impressed but that's all I'm gonna say.

Just had a look at arsenal fixtures and we are playing chelsea on the 18th the same day as are xmas do!!!! mind you i may not want to watch it at the moment or we may not be able to watch it if ghenghis gets on the roof again!!!!! whats the news on crossey??? or was it another smurf wind up

Parfume ads don't really use jingles Hilly, although we are targeting the less-affluent market with "Man Juice". I'm wondering whether a more Lynx style approach would be the best route in the "Spray more Get more" type mould...

Man Juice from Hilly. Come on. Her face.

With associated imagery to avoid any confusion in the message of course.

Very good Shane we're on the same wavelength but you'll need a catchy jingle as well and naked ladies at the promotion then I might think about cutting you in on the deal.

"Man Juice" by Hilly - available at all reputable Everything For A Pound shops.

They've already started to benefit from my silky skills as I've played the last 10mins up front in a few games this season, but if the're bright and alert then they will soon be reaping the rewards of playing alongside a naturally gifted player like myself. If only I could bottle all this knowledge and wisdom and get Shane to market it, I would make a killing!

Yep Frewy was right it was all his fault Genghis, he was in a sort of dreamworld. I think he was in awe at playing alongside the legendary Mr Hill which I can understand, but he learnt a lot in the process and listened well so he'll come back much stronger and better equipped for the next game.

I was starting him sunday as well......................

yeah funny how Johnny always come back from his Amsterdam trips a little richer and walking gingerly...

Will do boss.

I'll talk to John....!

When I used to go to Bracknell for a night out I was living in Woking, gateway to London. The counrty bumpkin thing is something I have earned as a privilege - I didn't grow up in the countryside, I grew up in the towns watching all the working class people work. It was great fun.

"You there, what day is it?"

"Why it's Christmas Day m'lord"

"Here's a shiny penny, now piss off"

ah childhood memories...

Matty make sure you bring some warm clothes with you sunday,you might get cold on the sideline

I'm learning a lot about myself today!

I can see Frew in a white suit, white hat and gloves in a HP factory. It's just a shame the white suit he usually wears ties up at the back.

Do you make Brown sauce at HP?

"I don't know what amyl nitrate is..." haha you make me laugh. You and your family - The Frew Brothers - came down here peddling the stuff and now you've made it big with your fancy job at HP you're denying all knowledge! You used to be beautiful.

It's "poppers" - stuff that Atkins takes when he goes to Liquid cos it apparently, amongst other physiological effects it has, relaxes the sphincter muscles.

So what do you do at HP now then? I thought you were in retail banking management...

Sadly my goals:game ratio is now 1 goal in 1.2 games - still better than a certain striker playing Champions League football this season.

I'm not around on Sunday I'm up in Birmingham. The xmas period becomes a hectic time for me what with all the friends that I have. It's typical too cos I thought I might have a go at training properly and regularly to be a bit more of a useful sub option than some old guy who wheezes a lot and gets the odd tap in.

How come you've moved to Bracknell Mr Frew? Have you never been there before? I used to go there as a teenager when I lived in Woking, I remember some guy giving me and my mates a jar of amyl nitrate in the car park of the cinema one night after we'd been bowling - said "Here you are lad, enjoy yourselves." That was an interesting drive home. You look after yourself.

Frew - You've only moved to Bracknell to try and pinch the "Clubman" award off Browny at the presentation night, by showing your commitment to the cause....

A pat on the back though. If I moved away from Newbury I'd still have all good intentions of coming each Sunday, but I'd never make it because there wouldn't be anyone to come and bang on my door to get me up in time.

Smurf - if you pick me this week, I promise not to call you a fecking idiot again...

...and I'll make you look good in the tag team match...

City Playground on Sunday, should be on. All the herion needles dropped by all the freaks up there should help drain the pitch....

What if we lose 6-5 though? Possible with our inconsistency lately! Are you about Shane?

That's the spirit. If it carries on with this sort of weather do you reckon Sunday's game might be off? Where to Bayer play? Are you going to set a punishment for if the team don't score 5 goals or more on Sunday?

Im here Bellers just couldnt be bothered to write anything cos no one else was

All quiet on the blogger since Beeny came on... Has everyone done what we did last time and gone on to another Blogger until he goes away again?