Mr Curtis Senior is already down to start in the left back position, Mikey at right back, me at centre back and no fucker next to me. Stevie T can't play cos he's working. So we're down to 10 men. If anyone knows a mate who fancies a game then he's more than welcome.

As for Sky covering the game, I'm afraid my negotiations with them fell apart yesterday. They were offering £20k a man but I wanted more so I told them to shove it up their arse. Hope that's cool with everyone? It's great to know you guys can trust me with these decisions.