Matt, your Dad and Tony's Dad need to have a think about 1-3 for Supporters' Player too.

That's a classic. I feel like going down there just to take part. Typical effing ginge to take offense as well. And a smart move too cos now when he goes to away grounds all the fans will realise their actions are upsetting and will therefore pipe down and lay off the poor guy. Prick.

Check this out...


http://www.football365.com/news/nationwide_news/story_108277.shtml

Yes I have - but if you aint got it, just pick 1-3 for Players' Player, 1-3 for Most Improved player, 1-3 for Clubman (can't vote for me) and goal of the season from:-

Matt v Cold Ash on first day of season
Sills v WKD a good passing move
Sills v Shalbourne whistle down the wind
Me v Long Whittenham that really good goal
Neil v Shalbourne the last-minute winner after we'd been 3-0 up and then 4-3 down with minutes to go
Lewis v Long Whittenham where he twatted it in with his head in extra time to spark off a bit of a rout at last

On you go...

have you sent me a voting form shane?

Votes are going well gents. Keep em coming...

Yeah, it's difficult to avoid the school holidays without it impacting on the season, plus it'll be busy whenever we go over the summer - as long as we avoid Bank Holiday weekends we'll be fine.

Does anyone have any mints? I was in a rush this morning and forgot to brush my teeth so now I'm paranoid I have morning breath.

They weren't so much definite dates - more "let's plump for a date so people can make sure they avoid putting anything else on those dates" dates, if you catch my drift.

And it means everyone will be striving to get fit over the summer cos those wetsuits aint flattering if you're carrying a little extra weight...

If we give Newquay warning Ghengis may be coming, we will have the beaches to ourselves...

And a fuc*ing great link shane!

Newquay Dates all seem fine to me For the presentation, I wont be able to do July 3rd. Ill be able to do the 16th/17th, but i would have been on a stag do cruise to and back from france the night before, im hardcore...

Shane, were those definite dates? I can do both dates if so. Rock on. I dont think tgoo many kids will be at newquay, its more of a late teenage/twenty something kinda place (sorry shane/paul). And to be fair, blackpool is always full of kids. And we will be going at the weekend sothe beaches will be busy anyway.

Hey all, really enjoyed Sundays game and for all those that played 5 aside last nigt, my god to I ache.
Shane, either of those dates are good. Well up for the surfing thing Newquay is a quality place.

Hmm. I see your point Paul as Genghis will be there. Providing Sven doesn't call him up.

http://www.ryano.net/iraq/?73336

Check out the link!!!

July 10th for Presentation Evening

30th July for Newquay

Just grow the sides and back long John, everyone will think your wearing one of those hats with the wig attached.

Oh and I can do blonde but not sure about the long hair.

Can't do the 24th July for presentation as I a in Newcastle for a Stag Do and can't do 6th to 8th August 'cause i've got two weddings to go to.

Yep, time for a fry up, then off to catch the perfect wave. Everyone has to grow their hair long and dye it blonde first.

I'm ok with the dates, would prefer it not to be the 17th July for the presentation, but can still make it if it is.

Definitely up for the surfing, think thats a reasonable price as well, I doubt we'd want more than 3 hours and with a 10am start will force people to get up in the morning!

Yeah Sills, John, I also tried but it started giving me hassle too. So I've sent a txt to Radio 1 instead saying "Vote Tom The Shop".

Hope that helps.

No friendly this weekend, we can't get a team together, too many people away for Bank Holiday.

In terms of Presentation Evening, how do these dates sound -

June 19th
June 26th
July 3rd
July 10th
July 17th
July 24th

And in terms of Newquay -

30th July to 1st Aug
6th Aug to 8th Aug
13th Aug to 15th Aug

Let me know... Try to be flexible as at some point we're just going to have to go with the majority.

Yeah Sills... John, I tried to log on to that web site and vote for your fella, but the Screen names are always taken, tried about 10 times, but can't be arsed to try anymore.

Just played up front for the work team again,lasted the full 90 minutes worked my socks off,and wait for it....................
scored again! This time a strike into the top corner from just outside the box.Hang on a minute thats my 3rd goal in 3 games 2 for work and 1 for the mighty Shefford watch out Lewis.
The scary part is where im playing up front for the work team im starting to feel a bit fitter.

Sillsy dont take the piss out of any of us at least we bothered to turn up saturday.

Lewis? Pass? Corner?

Browny? Control?

This is too much.

I need you boys to do one of my mates a favour, he did a lot of voting for us for the Radio 1 gig. If you could go to the following link, register, then vote for 'Tom the Shop', I , and he, would be ever so grateful...


http://forums.nonleague.com/showflat.php?Cat=1,5,181,393,394&Number=270067&page=0&view=collapsed&sb=5&o=&fpart=1

No I haven't emailed the voting forms yet. I had a virus, so you'll be glad I didn't send them too. Need to write them up again and will then email them. Probably tomorrow now.

Been looking into Newquay. Doesn't appear to be anything in the form of gentlemen's venues (Megan will be pleased to hear) but it does have surfing lessons from 10am til 1pm including wet suit and board hire for £25.

That and an afternoon on the beach, in and out of the water, sunbathing, surfing, few bevvies, a nap (for those of us who need it these days) and then back out in the evening. Cool.

Oh yes! Johnny "Ole" Lamb was caught in an awkward position in the box where the 6 yard box meets the touchline. He's got a big heavy defender steaming in towards him. All he needs to do is shift the ball and make sure he gets himself out the way too and he's clear. Does he do that? Does he fuck. He steps over the ball one way, then steps over the ball the other way, basically not moving himself or the ball, but instead moving the defender, who second-guesses his final position and flies on by in a Top Gun stylee, allowing John Lamb clear path to goal where he powers the ball wide. Probably the best result as any man with any pride whatsoever would have been ready to kill had he been made to look so stupid and conceded a goal at the same time.

and I ran 'round the keeper and up messing it up!

Oh yeah, one of our other goals was me on the edge of the area laying the ball back to Browny, who was also back to his old self and played very well, he got it under control (see) and listened to a call from Matt to lay it back, did so perfectly so Matt only needed one touch to drive it low and hard into the corner. Nice goal.

Well, within the first minute their leftback (my mate) scored one of the best volleys I've ever seen, trouble is it was into his own net. Then Neil ran through and deftly lifted the ball over the keeper and it all looked like it might be quite embarassing. So we switched off a bit and they scored, probably because I was in defence, but we just didn't look like we could defend corners very well, they had a string of 2 corners and scored on the 2nd one.

Then I can't really remember how the goals went in, Dave was causing them all sorts of problems, but tended to just not get the run of the ball like he normally does. Then I feinted the keeper to score a peach, then some other people scored, then I swapped with Smurf in goal so he could have a go out on pitch. Now, sit down, cos you won't believe the next few lines.

I hoyed the ball upfield from a goal kick and Lewis attached himself to it. Then he, er, well he, only one way to describe it, passed. And a good pass too, to Smurf, putting him clear, one on one with the keeper for his first outfield touch. And he missed. Never seen so many people all wanting to win but still breathing a sigh of relief to see the ball go wide.

But true to form he picked himself up and a few minutes later Lewis took a corner. I know. And it sailed across for Smurf to rise like a keeper at the far post and absolutely power a header into the corner of the net. I had the Sky camera angle view of the goal and in all fairness it was a peach.

Then Adam wanted a piece of the pie and I think again from a Lewis cross he did a Zola-esque back heel jobbie to flick the ball up and into the net. People were stopping on the road cos they thought it was a fruit stall there were so many peaches.

So there you go, no goals, but a good old Lewis contribution. Neil could have had a couple more himself too, he was back to his good old self running absolute rings round em. Matt Atkins also went on a few searching runs around players too.

Then they got a scuffed deflected shot which I didn't even bother to dive for. And that was pretty much it.

Cos im fuc*ing brilliant

So what happened Saturday? How come Smurf scored? And How come we scored 7 (or 6....) and Lewis didnt score?

Have You emailed the voting forms yet shane?

Talked your dad through your goal last night Smurf. He's got a big bash on his nose from where he fell of his bike whilst completely off his head.

I've just been reliving the opening-minute own goal that my mate down here scored on Saturday. What a finish.

I SCORED Lewis didnt Ha Ha ha

I will email around voting forms later today, but if you all want to start thinking then votes are required on:-

1. Players' Player (1st, 2nd and 3rd)
2. Most Improved Player (1st, 2nd and 3rd)
3. Goal of the season (there's a selection and descriptions on the form)
4. Clubman (1st, 2nd and 3rd)

Voting form....

I didn't pick up a votong form.... Or didn't anybody get one?

Can you e-mail it? Or let me know what awards I need to vote for so I can think about it!

Was a bit of a damp squib though in the end eh? What with the penalty and only drawing and stuff. Lehman's made a bit of an arse of the champions and so all the celebrations looked a bit forced, which was a shame for them really. Ah well. Looks like Leeds aren't going to dig themselves out of it, losing at home to Portsmouth isn't a good message to send to the rest of the relegation contenders.

We had a good run out on Saturday, thanks for those that made it. They've offered us a return leg at their place later in the summer, so I'll let you know what date we come up with.

AS for Blackpool, for those of you who weren't there on Saturday, it's now Newquay. The idea is to do pretty much the same stuff, but on the Saturday day-time to replace the Pleasure Beach with surfing lessons, boogie boarding, windsurfing, jet-skiing, sunbathing, making sandcastles with moats, that sort of thing. I think I can book up an hour's surfing lesson for a bunch of us, whether that's everyone or just those who want to do it is up to each individual.

I'll take a look through a calendar in a second and suggest some new dates for that and for the Presentation Evening.

How was Rob's night out in Reading on Saturday?

Bit of an anti climax to be honest though. I mean, its brilliant and all, but because we have been expected to win it since september, it is more a case of relief from not failing rather than joy from achieving the win, if y'all see what im sayin'.

Still, all credit to those who compile the fixtures... seeing as we did indeed, win the league, at White...Hart...Lane

We won the league, at Old Trafford....We won the league at White Hart Lane...
We won the league, at Old Trafford....We won the league at White Hart Lane...

We won the league, at Old Trafford....We won the league at White Hart Lane...
We won the league, at Old Trafford....We won the league at White Hart Lane...
We won the league, at Old Trafford....We won the league at White Hart Lane...
We won the league, at Old Trafford....We won the league at White Hart Lane...
We won the league, at Old Trafford....We won the league at White Hart Lane...
We won the league, at Old Trafford....We won the league at White Hart Lane...
We won the league, at Old Trafford....We won the league at White Hart Lane...
We won the league, at Old Trafford....We won the league at White Hart Lane...
We won the league, at Old Trafford....We won the league at White Hart Lane...
We won the league, at Old Trafford....We won the league at White Hart Lane...
We won the league, at Old Trafford....We won the league at White Hart Lane...
We won the league, at Old Trafford....We won the league at White Hart Lane...
We won the league, at Old Trafford....We won the league at White Hart Lane...

We won the league, at Old Trafford....We won the league at White Hart Lane...
We won the league, at Old Trafford....We won the league at White Hart Lane...

On me head son.

is this the most northern blog so far?

I'll kill you if you like Matt.

No Matty im going to make sweet love to you in the shower

So does that mean you not going to kill me?

I was a bit pissed last night

Yeah, or I could ring that scouse ref and see if he fancies it. If everyone could bring a first aid kit with them that'd be great.

Aparently im too slow! Matt has already rung dave to ask him the same question! Anyway Dave will find out later when he gets home.

Afternoon all,

I think dave L's dad is doing the refs course at the moment. He might fancy a go. Ill ring dave and ask him.

Graham Poll? he's been taken off the Man U game. You could promote Brownie to Ref from Linesman!

Anyone know any budding refs who want to practice in a friendly tomorrow?

No, I didnt mean you're wrong about the GMail thing Genghis, all that is right. I was just generally saying that you're wrong.

Right, Im off to sheffield for the weekend. Good luck tomorrow lads, don't miss me too much. Matty, you'll probably have to do some running down the wing seeing as I'm not there to do it for you. But seeing as the voting forms are handed out tomorrow, I think youre a great player and have had a fantastic season, I really feel me and you linking up together got us through some tough games...

Bye!

Yeah should be good. No idea what the weather is meant to be like, and they never really know anyway, so we'll just have to wait and see. At least it won't be quite as bad as that Westwood friendly we had last summer at Henwick...

If the weather stays as good as this we're be able to sit outside in the Lock Stock after footy tomorrow, exciting ay.

Heh Heh!! Got too tell other people so they can help!! He'll be running around in long socks and boots, how stupid will he look!!!!!!!!!

Arrested. Not my problem. So that's agreed then.

Can do, although he'll probably get arrested!! We should definately have something planned!

The bucket of water trick always goes down well.

Hopefully he'll hang around for a few beers after as well. I expect Brownie will be driving.

As he doesn't blog, if he scores shall we strip him?

Cool, we've gotta make sure he scores so he leaves us with one final cry of "Who's The Daddy" !!

Rob's coming for his farewell testimonial tomorrow, which gives us 12 so we can have rolling subs. Cool.

Genghis, You're Wrong.

Correct about the football tomorrow though.

Spot on.

If you're looking for a reason in the world that is Smurf's mind - you're already a blind man.

Was
Smurf
pissed
when
he
wrote
that?!

Good to see Smurf's in a positive frame of mind then.

Mike I'd like to know what you email people about that would interest the Police or maybe I wouldn't.

It's a good job you mentioned henwick 'cause I was going to turn up at Northcroft. Are we meeting at 11.45?

Great. I'll look forward to seeing you then Smurf. You'd better let me put my votes in first.

I want at least 20 minutes up front

anyone know thr mdm score

matty im going to kill yiou and your friend
get your votes in smurf player of year most improved and anythimng else you want to vote me for president pm chancellor of exchequer manager of shefford fc im applying for fash fc next year 3-1 smurf scoring saturday 900000000000000000000000-1 lewis passing thr ball in opposition half

FUCK OFF

Feel about guilty about that last comment actually, bit harsh to call what Mike said 'bollocks' Sorry Mikey!

That bollocks about Gmail Mikey, it doesnt send you junk mail at all, its simply sees stuff you write about then puts relevant small adverts on the right hand side of the screen, much like when you search on Google. It gives far more space, a better sorting service, and matches up emails you have sent with replies, giving a 'conversation' feel.

I was in my exam Matty, but did turn my phone off in case some 'joker' thought about phoning me. Good One.

Let me know if you're coming up to sheffrield on saturday for those 10 pints Johnny. Ill go to York.

Jonny S must be in his exam. Someone phone him 'just in case' he's forgotten to switch his mobile off!!!

Heh heh... Now that would be funny!

Probably worse than ours, he's been at uni so hasn't played in ages. But typically is playing tomorrow night as well!! A game in which I'm going to miss, due to my back, dedicated to the Shefford cause you see!

LOL. What's his fitness like? I get the feeling most of us are going to suffer...

Yeah thats probably a safe place to put him, it's not as if he ball ever goes out there!!

Not unless it's windy. But even those games are taken up with Jonny Sills hit n' hopes.

Hmm, interesting indeed.

Well in that case you can go on the right and John L can carry Browny in the middle. Paul Curtis can make sure Rob's well fed.

Well he's 100% left footed, his right foot is as bad as Brownies. He can probably play anywhere in midfield, although I suggest a wing.

Left mid. I can actually now switch John L back to right mid. Where's Rob's favourite position?

He actually looks pretty simular too Jonny S, and is also likely bottle every header.

So where am I playing if Jonny L in in the middle?

At the moment you're starting centre mid. So yes, your wish is granted.

Can I have a half in central midfield? Matt will need a rest by the time the second half starts, especially if he is covering Brownie!

Classic! It's just hard working out which one of you plays the straight guy!

Oh mikey mikey mikey. Fucking miss you mate, will buy you a pint on Saturday.

Does he look like you as well?

Well I've already warned my mate (Rob) that he may only get half a game, so don't worry about not using him etc, play yourself and our regular players (and Colin!) before him. He's not great and pretty lightweight when it comes to tackles etc.

Yep - pretty normal stuff to start with, then we'll see how it goes.

Smurf in goal

Back 4 of Paul, Genghis, Me and Adam (or maybe colin in there somewhere)

Midfield of John Lamb, Matt, Browny and your mate

Neil and Dave up front

If Colin comes along that frees up Adam to play midfield and if both he and your mate come along that frees me up to ref when I get knackered.

After that we'll see how it's going and then I can maybe swap things around.

So have you got a team/positions in mind for Saturday?

Mikey - possibly the worst blog ever in terms of spelling and grammar - and yet you still got your message across. Who needs boring old English language eh?

Ooh! 68 new messages! Mum I got 68 new messages today! And I've still got a girlfriend.

Which explains why Sills has it. All the junk mail makes him feel popular. ;o)

Smurf Taylor number 9 Id bet anyone that id score at least one and pass 100% more than Lewis

At least Smurf will pass the ball!

Is Gmail any good, what is it and why should I spend my time signing up to it.

Megan's only been in her job for under two months and she's just got a massive pay rise! How unfair is that not only will she be telling me what trousers to wear she'll also be buying them for me too.

John glad you'll buy me ten pints cause I was planning to come up to Sheffield after the Shefford game....

Or you could do a straight swap.... Lewis for Smurf.

If Colin decides to play he will be unfit so chuck him in goal and stick me in the heart or defence,midfield general or up front with Lewis

Oh and by the way im on penalties saturday

Do you mean the new email service being offered by Google? I hardly use my personal email address for anything so the google service doesn't really represent any advantage for me. Therefore I'll be giving it a miss for now at least. I don't know anyone else who has signed up - where did you sign up, cos the Gmail home page isn't taking registrations...

And from the stories Crabbmans told him about him, your not kidding!

I got someone that will play, typically he'll prob have to play on the left wing, he can probably play anywhere in midfield, but is 100% left footed!! Don't expect miracles from him thou!!

I sang that to Nigel once, walked into the bathroom and caught him ...

On your own, on your own, on your own....

The old ones are the best.

So am i the only one who has signed up to GMail?

Yeah Matt can play left back, in the changing rooms...


hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Old ones are the best...

We only need one or two players, not fussed about how good they are, I get the impression the team we're playing aren't going to be up to much. Just get someone who's not going to start a fight. So that puts Lewis' brother out of contention really then.

A midfielder should be enough.

Yeah I should be able too, I'm not saying there be very good thou!!

If you want to make sure we score loads of goals, I expect Lewis's brother will play, but that doesn't really solve the problem in defence, just gives you three forwards!! Otherwise I can prob find a midfielder or two. I can play in other positions if need be...

Ok I'll buy you several pints on Saturday mate, you can take my word for that. This Saturday, I will be in the pub after the match and I will buy you 10 pints, this saturday, and only this saturday, when I am in the Halfway or the Hogshead or wherever I will buy you those drinks. This Saturday. In Newbury. After the match.

And Mikey, what do you mean 'History has its uses after all'?? I did my fu*king degree in History thank you very much!

Matty you'd better get one of your mates to come along on Saturday if you can - Neil's working on Colin but even that will only give us the bare 11. Doesn't really matter where he plays cos I can juggle things around easily enough, especially with Adam, John L and Paul playing, who can all produce the goods in multiple positions.

Too easy.

Reckon you can get someone?

I believe it also appears as Genghus. Genghis Khan's older uncle who attacked villages with his werthers originals...

John L, John S isn't coming on Saturday so he won't be able to buy you a pint. Go careful with him cos if you don't chase hard you'll never see that pint, or you'll get it in cheque form.

Sorry John, I did say on Blogger a bit ago I couldn't make it. You'll just have to buy me a pint on Saturday! (don't know how that works but it sounds good to me!)

On my profile can you at least spell write correctly. Megan's been laughing at me since she red it! (Sic.)

I know a gay black bloke who's retarded. How pc am I?

He called Totti a twat as well didnt he? I liked his line about 'I cant be a racist, Ive bought loads of Black Players', its a bit like the 'I dont have a problem with Gay People, one of my best friends is Gay' etc....


In case you're wondering, his initials are ST.

Actually one of my best friends IS gay, he lives in belgium with his fiancee and a dog.

I think he should have stuck to his guns and gone with the "I didn't even realise I said it" line even stronger. If you listen to half the shit he comes out with it's clear he's got absolutely no idea what's coming out of his mouth.

Apparently Millwall have offered him their manager's role already.

So we're not going for a kickabout tonight then Mr. Lamb, if you're off 'having a curry' for your'leaving meal'?! Very suspicious...

Ive signed up to the new G-Mail thingy.....

Everyone see that Ron Atkinson has resigned?! Crazy, no more ronglish...He will be on channel 5 soon.

Nice profile on the website by the way, Mr Lamb and Mr Williams. I presume that when I have my finger on the pulse it's cos I'm checking my own heartbeat after my first sprint...

Genghis you even spelt Genghis wrong.

Don't put that on the blogger mate, Browny'll be on the phone before you know it.

"Need any IT people mate?" "IT people, bought and sold" "Any spare IT people pal?"

I had a curry last night, Prawn Balti. Fucking awful.

I definitely wear the trousers in our relationship, she just tells me which ones to wear!

We're off to have a curry tonight as a leaving do for me, although it's just kicked off at work as a girl in the office has handed her notice in (giving only a weeks notice). So with me leaving, another guy leaving last week and her leaving next week I think they might be short staffed.

So Lamby are they having a night out to send you off or are they a bit hacked off that you're going? Did you lie about your reason for leaving or did you tell them the truth - that you're fiancee wears the pants in your relationship and when she says move, you ask where to...


p.s. that's not a derogatory comment at all - you think I'd have chosen Newbury as a place to live if it was just up to me?

Morning Shefford

It wasn't me guv'nor, I was in the Back Ally wiv me mistress...

And, come to think of it, one of them kept saying something about throwing me down the apples n pears...

One of them did keep going "ooh my back!" and "maybe ten years ago that would have hurt you a lot more" while he was kicking me...

Was the pen they stole blue as they might know Paul?

Still brings back fond memories of Vicky Park versus Arlington...

"Get him Smurf!"

*!!**$%*!

"S'not what I meant..."

Matty, wait a while cos Neil's gonna try and persuade Colin to make an appearance. In which case we'll have 11 - I'd hate to draft in an outsider and then not give them a whole game.

If you want someone to make up the numbers I'm sure I can get one/two players without any hassle. I'm not saying there going to be any good thou!

We can swap for a while if you like mate sure. The other team I think are bringing 11 players so we might just play 10 v 11 as we're the more established team. Should be a good run out either way...

Do you want me to play centre back saturday?

None planned mate, let's all have a chat on Saturday (those that are there) to see what we want to do about training over the summer. Things like what times are easier for people to get there? Where is there? Who is there? Why did they go there? Who the hell is this Susan?

Long day.

There is a second team of course, Wycombe Wanderers. I just wrote it down and tried to colour in the letters. 12 ninjas jumped out from behind the blinds, in drawers, behind the door (should have looked) and beat shit out of me. Stole my pen. So there you go.

This I could answer in full, but i really cant be arsed to type it all down on here....not sure the Shefford F.C. blogger could handle suce issues...if Matty read it, he might fall off his chair.

Im revisiong theory side of things more...

Im assuming you used a blue pen...?

Vicky will break up with Davey boy, and she will write a beautiful, hertbroken song which she will release amidst a furore of publicity. It will get to Number 23, being beaten by Busted and their new single 'This one isnt about Skateboarding and Teenage hormones', which will be about skateboarding. And Teenage Hormones.

Did you get your direct debit sorted?

Kidderminster Harriers has 5...that has the most

If you don't fancy that question how about:

What was the WKD score?

Im bored.

Hull City is correct! How about which team has the most r's in their name?

I think he "did" her but I always like the consipiracy theories that come along with big stories.

Ive got a question, What is the only team in the football league that you can't colour the letters in?

Can you not colour in the letters of Hull City?

Is it Hull City

Hull City

Hull City

Not as though Becks needs the money though is it? He could give that dizzy cow a million and not notice it missing. I don't buy it Mr Lamb, I'm all for the fact that Becks got his end away and I don't care either way. I don't mean up the arse.

What is the only team in the football league that you can't colour the letters in?

Can you tell it's my last week and I have nothing to do?

Oh and their friend who happens to have stopped working for them because she is homesick gets fame and fortune, it's just a thought.

I smell a rat. Mmm.

Anyway, how come non of the papers have mentioned that no Real players are allowed to go on holiday during the season. However, should they be suspended and a rumour start from somewhere then they are allowed to go on holiday on compasionate grounds...

No one else smell a rat or is that just the lot who don't have showers after the game?

Yeah, dead giveaway. I hear Posh Spice has tried to get her own back on Beckham by having an affair - or at least claiming to. She reckons she slept with Michael Jackson in London last week, but Jacko reckons that would have been impossible cos at the time he was already in Brooklyn...

How naive were the alleged terrorists in thinking that six people actually living in Manchester and having tickets to Old Trafford would not raise suspicion?

Yeah, I live by the sword, which is why i cant bring it to games. Its stuck in the ground next to my house, people keep coming along and trying to pull it out of the ground but with no luck so far. My friend Arthur is visiting this weekend though, he is convinced he will manage it, apparantly some woman at a swimming pool told him so or something. He is a bit of an idiot though, goes around with loads of his mates dressed in medieval clothes, keeps talking about knights who say 'nee' .... ?

I wasn't looking to be honest, I certainly don't claim to be remotely clever, hence why I'm employed by the government. I'm far too lazy to proof read everything I type on here, and I guess it shows!!

You live by the sword? You never bring it to games. You should have because then maybe that Blackford chap wouldn't have been so mouthy. "I'll kill y..." CHING! No head muthafucka.

Kill Sills.

Dammit, I have been checking what I have been writing carefully, I knew I would make a mistake somewhere which someone would pick up on. Oh well, you live by the sword....

Saying that, I notice Matty didnt pick up on it...

Oi.

It is normal practice to avoid missing out whole words as parts of sentences too Mr Sills. "It not a case of starting..." is not the way one would expect an educator to express himself. Plus "To busy..." is another grammatical pitfall made by all too many people. This, according to recent findings, is particularly evident in the London, Essex region of the country.

It can be done, but gramatically it is best to avoid it if possible. It not a case of starting a sentence with but and then having to leave the country out of embarrassment, however, there should be a mild amount of mocking.

Didnt go to the zoo today Matty, to busy studying The Analysis of Exchange Rates, The Analysis of Interest Rates, Monetary Policy, Financial Intermediaries, Personal Sector Finance, and various issues surrounding the forthcoming EU Enlargement, ready for my exam tomorrow.

Anyone want to swap...?

Wondered where you were this morning Mr Sills, assumed you'd gone to the the zoo or something on your day off.

Left back... Arr. what.... And I'm left wing. Only kidding.

Do they have to be a centre back? Haven't actually anyone in mind yet, but I don't know any more centre backs. Only Jamie Taylor, but I already know he wouldn't be able to make it!

'Spelling mistake must OF been down to you my spelling/grammer is too good for that. but I will review...'

Of? Where is the comma in this Mikey? And you should never start a sentence with but, especially one without a capital B!


Enough of Education for the Berkshire Boys..


Im pretty happy with my profile, especially the bit about me being the missing link...see, without me you boys would be nowhere...! Ok, I'll get my coat...

Mr Curtis Senior is already down to start in the left back position, Mikey at right back, me at centre back and no fucker next to me. Stevie T can't play cos he's working. So we're down to 10 men. If anyone knows a mate who fancies a game then he's more than welcome.

As for Sky covering the game, I'm afraid my negotiations with them fell apart yesterday. They were offering £20k a man but I wanted more so I told them to shove it up their arse. Hope that's cool with everyone? It's great to know you guys can trust me with these decisions.

For the centre back position. Interesting... Think it's fair he has a profile, I still see him as part of the squad, I bet he's trained more than most this year.

Certainly not moaning about the comparison to Le God, I bet track back more than he ever did!!

Also we need to have a new team alcoholic for next year... That's a title I want to lose!

Was that Stevie T? because he has a profile or because you think he should play centre back on Saturday!

Has the game been moved to Saturday lunch time because of Sky? I just need to know whether I have to polish my head or not.

Joe Cole must be gutted about last night, a centre back playing right wing back, a centre forward who can't cross for toffee playing right wing, and Veron just being his general shit self. Although I think we are forgetting the major result of last night. Huddersfield's away win at Northampton last night put us 5 points clear of the play offs with only 3 game remaining.

Matt blame Mike for your profile he published it, I just wrote it! He gets compared to Le Tis and he still complains!

Sorry... 3 links. Smurf, Mikey and Paul. And I s'pose Shane counts as another.... So 4.

I'll get my coat.

Stevie T ??

Profiles are good, not too happy about my letting down the defence with not tracking back!! Thought I was improving!!

Only one link from the Iron Curtain on Sat then.

Anyone know any centre backs who might like to play in a friendly on Saturday? We have no Tony, no Hilly, no Beeny, no Frew.

Aaagh

Mike, there are a few spelling/grammer mistakes in there (don't know whether they are my fault or yours) but apart from that it's a pretty good read. I notice you've changed the one I did for you slightly and you took out my swareing at Dave Lewis!

Never forget about Frew. He will turn up when you least expect him too and concede 5 goals, before getting into a fight and stealing some hub caps.

No beeny either? Where will the ladies look at half time?

I already is a cockerney in' I?

No Beeny for Saturday. Anyone heard from Frew or should I just be forgetting about him?

Very impressed you spelt that right....a secret Dick Van Dyke Fan? You watch Mary Poppins every night, dont you? DON'T YOU?! You're clearly the real Wannabe cockney...;-)

Can see all the Colchester fans now springing around the stand with your chimney-sweep brushes and blackened faces... Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious...

Consider yourself our mate, consider yourself one of the family, we've taken to you so strong, it's clear, we're, going to get along...

'On your own, on your own, on your own...'

Wanna whelk? Jellied eel? Small shiny pin to stick on your jacket guv? Whack us a lady godiva and bobs your uncle.

Maybe it's because I'm from Colchester, that I love Landan soooo....

Oi.

We could skate, down the avenue...

No. Because that would be cockneys' who sing that. And I am not a cockney. As you well know...

How about "I am the music man?" Not relevant to the game at all (you'd have to hope) but a real crowd pleaser and something that all the family can join in with. I guess you'll all already be pulling out the "My old man said follow the van", "Knees up mavver braan" and "Doing the lambeth walk"?

Oi.

It was definitly something about Number Two...

A bloke did that once at a match I was at. Everyone took a step back. Steve Tab took a step forward, and slightly to the left...

Yeah, thanks for that Paul, I'll suggest it...I'd imagine it would quickly be followed by a rendition of 'On Your Own' from the rest of the crowd, though...

yeah, that is a far more plausable suggestion. Any suggestions of chants for hillsbrough on saturday? Bearing in mind there will be very few of us, and its a very meaningless mid table second division match...

I think it's getting worse. It's prob just my spelling and grammar, but I still blame the schools.

When I was there they just wanted to teach me new swear words and how to spit properly while walking at the same time.

John, you were just lucky that they were teaching you how to sniff glue properly in Essex, you learnt how to read off the side of the pritt stick.

Or just, it's Matt.

Surely Eduacation is what it used to be, as I am younger than Matt and corrected his error. Therefore, it would be more accurate to say that either there was a lull in education before it went back to how it used to be, or just that there is a difference in education in Newbury and in Essex...;-)

Could you use the change from your pound to buy an abacus?

Should that be a 'run-in'? If its a running, lewis will lose because he is slow as fu*k.

That must seem weird, you've been in pubs with a waiter service, although they probably didn't have any windows, carpet or running water.

At least Lewis isn't barred from the Hogshead yet, although he has had a running with the assistant manager, so it won't be long!!

Waiter service? In a Pub? You're a posh lot in newbury aren't you? Ive been to a few pubs that do waiter service, and they are all to classy for the likes of Atkins, and especially Lewis to go into. I only got in because I knew the WKD score.

I remember that role well, it was the first time I met him....

Yeah the Hogs do table service now, it's a lot better in there these days due to that and because they want a late licence have had to improve things to get it. The waiters usually take so long to get your drinks it's quicker too go too the bar because it's empty now!!

Played a similar role once, in Blackpool, while everyone else was stood around the bar laughing and joking and enjoying their first Blackpool beers, I played the role of "Guy sitting in bay window pretending to listen"

I added my own feel to the role though, I wanted to play it as a nervous guy anxiously watching the pints being poured, knowing that none of them were meant for me. Sadly, only got a Grammy for it.

Only you could get beaten by Danny DeVito.

By the way, I did once get nominated for an oscar. It was for a role I played earlier in the year, in Brannigans, when I was having an 'interesting' conversation with Steve 'whatever it takes' Tabraham, and I told him if he worked hard, and drank lots of milk, he could become 3rd choice striker at Shefford F.C. next year.

I got beaten by Danny DeVito in the end, apparantly he had managed to convince Houllier that Liverpool were going to challange for the title next year.

They were 1-0 for a while, but the fookers couldn't hold on to it. I don't think MDM are good enough to beat Cold Ash unless some squad jiggery pokery has had to go on cos of the day of the game. If I were Cold Ash, player or manager, I'd want to win that game more than any of the others because otherwise they'll have a 1 in their LOST column in the league table rather than the all important 0. We were held to a draw by MDM, they were lucky to get a point out of us, no way are they good enough man-o-man to beat Cold Ash. Scatty cow.

Hogshead sounds good to me. What's this about waiter service in there now as well? Does that mean I don't have to stand at the bar for 45 minutes like normal?

Ok, fair enough. First one was wind assisted anyway.

Im sure rob did the whos the daddy thing more than once. He is visiting his dad in the Turks and Kakos (spelling...?) islands at the moment, will be back this weekend I think, then off to Aus about a week.2 weeks later.

To be fair Matty, Cold Ash dont hav anything to play for noiw as they have already one the league, a thursday night, players might not turn up....remember Hermitage vs Millhouse...on a thursday night...was a mauling...

Cool, the hogshead will probably be the liveliest pub at that time of day, they have a new big screen and two plasma screens. Hatchet will prob be ok too.

The bird thats seeing one of the MDM players is back in today. She thinks WKD were winning 1-0 last time she heard.

(They think there going to beat Cold Ash on Thursday and get promoted..!!)

Halfway will be shut (or shutting) just as we're ready to go find a pub. I think their team are up for a few beers afterwards and I'm certainly happy to stay around for a few and watch the results and stuff. Anyone think of a decent pub? AFC probably a bit dull and crap for watching the scores. There's no live game on. Hatchet?

Only one of your goals Mr Sills because you already had two on the top scorer list and the Shalbourne one that was on there was better than the other Shalbourne one that blew into the net so it would have been daft to put them both on wouldn't it cos you'd have only been competing against yourself, spreading the votes across two goals instead of one and therefore opening up the chance for someone else to win. You've obviously never won an Oscar have you?

What's the story with Rob, has he left yet?

Rob's who's the daddy goal wasn't against NTS cos I was away for the NTS game but remember seeing Rob do that.

John Sills I can't make Thursday I've just remembered it's my leaving do at work (I must be really looking forward to it!). Also sorted out my direct debit thing.

Mike did you get my player profiles? You obviously weren't impressed, is that because I called you Robocop and the Terminator because of your bandages?

To be fair one was a lot better than the other, although they were both great goals, it was just the shocked look on your face after the first one that gave it away!

How come your not playing on Saturday Sills?

And where are we going after the match? And is anyone staying there for a few? Watch the footy scores etc.

And although I need a laugh at this time in the morning, lets not put Ghengis on the score sheet.

Oi, how come only one of my Shelbourne goals is on the shortlist?! Is it to stop me getting the treble.... ;-)

Thinking about it, was it the NTS game where rob scored and ran off shouting 'Who's the daddy...?'

Yep, they said Genghis did.

Did they tell you who scored against NTS by any chance?

Thats because they dont have enough customers. Probably charge you for direct debits and standing orders. I know they charge for printing you a statement. Disgusting if you ask me. But you're more than welcome to bank with them if youre happy to be over-charged and under-served...

Called Barclays. They told me the WKD score was 4-0 to WKD.

Im not in until next week. We can give you most of the information by contacting the direct debit dept in HSBC, we can tell you where the money is going to and the referance number. But we cant always tell you the exact dept in Halifax where the money is going to, for that you're best to contact Halifax and they can do a searchj for your name to find out what products / services you have with them, or try giving them the ref number to see if it helps. It might just be a one off payment going through as a Direct Debit. Send my regards to india...

If it's direct debit can't you just cancel it and see what service you stop getting? If it is porn then you'll know within minutes.

Okay, so all I need to know now is...

1. Who scored against NTS? I've been able to work out from the league tables that we must have beaten them 4-0.

2. Who scored in the cup against Cold Ash?

Cool.

Dave Frew might be on holiday as I've rung every f*%k$%g Halifax branch and he's not at work today, they've emailed him for me so he might ring me back.

John S how do I tell what a direct debit payment is for? I spoke to some guy in India and because it said it was Halifax PLC I was told to contact them. I rang some guy named Dave Crabbs or something and he said I had to ring HSBC. When are you at work next cause I'm gonna kick some ass and it might as well be yours! Seriously though, how do I find out who's robbing me of my money and no it's not my porn site registration money, that went out last week.

Sills is right it was the first against MDM at Henwick. Lewis got the second.

NTS, 2nd match was at northcroft? Lewis must have scored against Norreys at brimpton.

either way paul scored against MDM! I scored 2 against shelbourne, 2 against wkd in seperate matches, one against cold ash in the league and one against Hampstead Norreys, so i didnt score in the cup...

Paul Curtis got the first against MDM at henwick.

And who scored the 2 goals against Cold Ash in the cup when we lost 7-2?

That's all I need to know.

Paul got the second goal in the MDM game, thats the one that hit him in the nuts and went in, or did he get kneed in them in the celebration?? Either way it hurt.

I'm still thinking about the rest!

Along with the request below I also need to know:-

Who scored against Hampstead Norreys up at Brimpton? - I know Atkins got 3 and John Sills got 1

Who scored against MDM in the 2-2 draw? - I know Dave got 1

Oh yeah, meant to ask, what was the NTS result the second time we played them? And who scored for us?

Is that where you take a girl who used to be a bit of a bike but has settled down and turn her back to her old ways?

At the moment it looks like the end of season Presentation do might take place some time in December 2006. At least we should be fairly hopeful of hearing the WKD result by then. I'm taking bets on the result if anyone's interested. 1-0 to WKD is going at 100-1...

should be result, and not reslut. Thats something very different. You can tell I went back to Essex at the weekend...

So you sit on Coal, AND Eat coal? Your picnics must be easy to organise up North...

I'll be in contact by phone on saturday to let you know if I can make the end of season do, if we could avoid having it on the day of Cats graduation (first week of july) that would save me eating two restaurant dinners in an hour like I did last year...

Shane, as Im not there saturday can you email me a copy of the form and ill email you it back?

Oh and we cant have the end of season do on the 22nd June, apparantly the AGM is on that day. Got a feeling the WKD match might be on that day as well as I havent heard the reslut yet, must have been postponed.

Does anyone know the WKD score, when does their/everyone else's season end?

adjective filled? much better than full of verbs...

Sitting on coal might be nice and warm I s'pose. But I wouldn't worry, I asked Smurf to bring sausage rolls, so by the time he arrives we might have a few crumbs left...

Oh yeah and stop sending adjective filled emails to my fiance Mr Bellamy!

I think the AGM is on the 22nd June day after my birthday, that's what it said in the hand book.


Blanket, we had to sit on coal up north

WKD lost 2-1, no news on the WKD score though.

Cool nice one. 22nd June is no problem at all. Right, looks like we might have to have a different date for the Pres evening if Dave, Adam, etc can't make it. That's impedement. So I'll need to find a new date. Let's have a chat about it on Saturday. I'll bring a calendar. Smurfy you bring the sausage rolls, Johnny Lamb a blanket for everyone to sit on. Nice.

Voting forms printed out and ready. If you can start thinking now then you can fill em out and give em straight back.

When is the AGM? Is it still the same as it said in the Handbook? And has anybody found out the WKD score yet?

No no, there will only be 5 of us at hillsbrough, but when Colchester are at the mighty Layer Road, the crowd can sometimes top 3000! In fact, a massive 3008 turned up on saturday, including 77 (yes, i counted them) from Wrexham....sheep, sheep, sheep shaggers...ah, the wit...

Aha! An anti-relegation device, a reserve team, clever.

"The whole stand did it!" - so that was you and your mate who started it, and then you got the other 3 blokes to do it too?

(rich coming from an AFC Dons fan - their championship parade is just two minis going round a roundabout beeping their horns)

Had a great laugh watching Colchester on Saturday, best Ive ever seen them play incidentally. Wrexham had this full back with a great Mullet, so everytime he ran past the 'barside' me and my friend shouted 'Mullet' at him, and from then on the whole stand did it! Then, their keeper started shouting at the ref so the handbags chorus' went on for about a minute, but the best thing was that Chris Armstrong was playing. Whenever he had a go at the ref the handbag noises started again, with plentyof laughter, and a massive cheer when he spat in our direction. Twice. So when he got taken off, the bench is opposite the barside stand. We all started chanting 'armstrong, give us a wave', and to his credit, he waved, so then we started chanting 'lets all wave at armstrong', and 1000 people, including the wrexham fans all started waving at chris armstrong! God knows what the score was, though...

Ill be looking for more of the same next week, as me and two of my mates are joined by about 5 other colchester fans in the away end at Hillsbrough...!

Crabbeman played in a friendly against Travellers Friend and reckons they were quite good. But if you think about Div 2, all the quality dropped out of it. The better teams last season were Hermitage, Monument and Mobile Streams. This season we saw the Hermitage squad with most of their better players on the sidelines cos they're getting on a bit. Monument and Mobile Streams battled it out to come bottom, so it would have been a much easier division to play in.

I have no idea what'll go on over the summer with regards to the league set up. It's been known before for 4th place to be promoted, but I would seriously doubt that will happen. If WKD fold then they might even keep TVS down, that's also been done. It all depends on how many other clubs drop out and how many clubs of legitimate quality have applied to join. Have to wait and see what the general census of opinion is at the AGM - Mikey have you got any idea when that is this year? Usually June some time. I'll have a look through my stuff.

Who has the kit? Is it clean and will it be ready for Saturday?

Yay, we have the Curtis boys, which gives us a full squad even without Frew and Rob. Still working on them though.

I thought there Banks game was yesterday? Or are they not availible for another reason?

I think Tony had already booked next Saturday off work but is playing golf, I assume it's been arranged for a while thou, otherwise I'm sure he'd want to play.

If we're short, or need subs I'm sure we could draft in a player or two.

Dunno, no fooker is replying to my txt messages. We should have 11. Bloody Ilsley's more worried about his 'job' than playing. I think Hilly and Beeny will be there, it's only Rob that I'm worried about - just thought about the Curtis brothers actually and as our game is a Saturday, we may be able to have them there, which would be ideal. Just checking.

And while I'm checking I'll try and find out the WKD result from Sunday cos for the life of me I can't seem to find it out...

So if WKD fold, how will the league replace them? Or won't they? Travellers Friend look quite good, they have walked Div 2, I'd imagine they'll give a few teams a good game, obviously we're thrash em.

Have we got enough players for Saturday? Assuming Hilly and Beeny are playing. Can Rob and Frew make it?

Does anybody know the WKD score?

WKD lost 2-1

WKD lost 2 -1.
Sorry

Right, the bad news is that MDM won 2-1, coming from behind in the process, so that puts them ahead of us by 3 points which means we are officially finishing 4th in Div 1. Not a bad effort at all.

Other news is that apparently WKD are folding and a lot of their players are joining TVS next season. Don't quite know how that works, but it could take a lot of the quality out of Div 1 - you never know.

Has anybody spoken to Beeny or Hilly about the Friendly on Saturday? I can't get any reply from them.

It doesn't look like she's bloody in!!

I'll try and get someone to text her.

Come on Matty, what was the score? If WKD won then MDM will be beneath us on goal difference (we're ahead at the moment on goals scored) and they only have Cold Ash left to play...

Smurf can't we have bald bastard of the season otherwise I'm not getting any awards!

Damn right Im gonna disagree with Mr. Atkins about the fitness thing! Matty, you know those parts of the matches when you are standing by the touchline desperate for breath whilst I am running up and down the pitch and covering your ass on the wing...? Thats the fitness aspect coming into play....And as for all of you calling my Goal of the Season contenders wind-assisted...you were all on the pitch as well that day and, although we scored 11, I didnt see any of you score goals of that quality! Besides, I think my one against WKD, the team moving and passing goal, was better...To be honest though, the reason I really like those goals against Shelbourne was because, 2 mins before kick off, Shane had been telling his mate who was visiting that I couldnt shoot (which is fair comment)...good to see the manager knows his players! ;-)

By the way Matty, who do you bank with? If its HSBC, you better keep a close eye on your account....

Didnt get to have the promised piss up with Cottee, McAvennie etc. I did sit down with them and Billy and have a drink after the match whilst my mate interviewed them. McAvennie said he was going on the piss in London, Cottee was going for a meal with some bloke, and Billy, well Billy's Mum lives in Jaywick (tiny place down the road from Clacton) so he was going back to hers.....hardcore.

Dont think me, Tony and dave will be available on the 5th of june. Watching the England game in manchester.

Ha ha. Beeny gets a few there eh? Can't wait to see the trophy for the half time hard on award. Think we'll let Megan present that as she was first to clap eyes on it and apparently had noticed it before...

You missed out linesman of the year.
Half time hard on award
Pissed up player of the year
Most falling over player of the year
Old git of the year
Non headerer of the ball of the year
Most bandaged player
Best sun tan
Best wheel trim thief
The i dont pass award
Johnathon Woodgate lookalike award
The Colin Holmes pie eater trophy
there most of the team should get a trophy this year now

Goalie - Smurf
LB - Paul
CB - Beeny
CB - Hilly
RB - Genghis
RM - John L
CM - Adam
CM - Browny
LM - Matt
ST - Dave L
ST - Neil

Sub - Shane

That's it. Hope Rob hasn't left yet...

I don't really mind if we lose (we won't) - but without checking everyone I know we have no Johnny S, no Crabbeman, no Neil, no Paul, maybe no Dave Frew, no Tony... Doesn't take many more out before we struggle to have anything resembling a team and I don't want these boys to drive all the way up from Southampton only to find they've got 6 guys there to meet them. We should be fine, it's more likely that they'll turn up with 6 players, but we'll all do our best. Plus I want to give out voting forms as well and will need them back quickly so I can then faff about getting trophies engraved and stuff.

So everybody starting thinking about your top 3 for Players' Player, Most Improved Player, Clubman and your Goal Of The Season. Goal Of The Season is sponsored by Sills Wind Farms. "Sills Wind Farms: If you're lacking power, use the wind, Sills Wind"

And can anyone let me know who got Most Improved Player last season? Can't for the life of me remember who it was.

That's what I keep saying, doctors are f 'n useless and is bound to say rest it. But my mum reckons here friend has been referred to a specialist by hers without any tests etc, mind you she is Pauls sort of age, I'd imagine there more likely to refer a 50 year old more than a 22 year old.

Jonny and I do agree on some things...

A) That Lamby should continue playing for us.
B) See.

Nice one Smurf, we can't afford to lose a member of the shower brigade yet either. Obviously goal-keeping comes before shower gel.

Anyhow, we need you for team spirit/moral/abuse etc.

I won't be in Liquid at al this weekend, typical that we haven't a game!

- and your never see me dance or even attempt too. But if you did, I'd be a lot better at it than Jonny S.

I'm getting the impression this friendly is a game you really don't want too lose... (obviously we always try and win) Or are you just generally short of players?

Anyone watching the Arse in Newbury tonight?

And I don't mean Atkins dancing in Liquid.

Well I'm glad that a) you were serious about it and b) you've decided against it - one more season shouldn't hurt eh? But I know how it feels when it starts aching a little bit more after each game. Why not just give your knees a complete rest over the summer and see how they heal up? Other than next Saturday cos we need you and it'll be a laugh. Then we'll see how it goes through the season and if after Christmas you're feeling like it might be your last season then we can start eyeing up other keepers for signing for the season after. You'll obviously still be reserve keeper even then eh? Would be a big boost to the squad to know that if our normal keeper can't turn up then we've got you as stand in.

Glad you changed your mind mate, like I said, you were the first new player I brought in cos I knew that goalie was one of our problem positions holding the whole team back, so it sparked the meteoric rise that has become Shefford legend, forever to be talked about in Thatcham, Reading, Basingstoke and Taunton. Pretty much anywhere except Shefford.

Plus I've already lost Rob and John Lamb (?) so I don't think the squad could take losing the keeper as well without serious consequences. I've got Adam and Neil back which should balance things out, but we've all seen how some weeks you're left without much in the way of squad.

Had no contact from Partick so no game this weekend, but next Saturday 12.30pm kick off at Henwick. Smurf's return debut.

Was going to give up due to me knees im struggling a bit and they are giving me a fair bit of stick now,had a long and serious think about it last night and i want to give it another blast this year ive had a go in the premier league and id love to try and help you boys get there.

P.s i wasnt blagging it i was genuinely going to give up

Not much they can do for backs (without it costing a fortune) but I can show you some stretches that may help. The only other solution I've found works is a really decent back massage, proper one done by someone who knows what they're doing. Probably cost you about £30, but can have good results if you combine it with rest and the right stretches.

Reckon Johnny S will disagree with you about the fitness stuff - but then do the two of you ever agree about anything? Swear you two are married.

Well the easiest way to judge my fitness last year is to look and Jonny S, he was one of the fitter members of the team, and I was fitter than him, not bad going, eh.

Crabb just edged it thou.

I think the facial expressions we're to do with Saturday night, I was probably getting the headache kicking in, or when I looked really bad, flash backs. I am (and have) cutting down, so this year it won't be as often. Just 3 weekends out of the four.

Might go and see a doctors about my back, just to make just it's nothing major, had it for a while now. Obviously if he says rest it, it's nothing serious.

You're certainly not unfit. And I think toward the middle of the season you were the fittest I've seen you. But you can be fitter. You need to rest that back though, but not next Saturday cos we'er a few players down and I need you.

You have the unfortunate afflication of an unfit face. That's not the insult that it appears to be. The condition is where your legs and lungs still have plenty left to give, but you just look completely fucked. John Lamb suffers from it from the 1st minute of any game, yet he can run for the entire match. I however, look like I have bags of energy, whereas they're all safely stored away in the loft somewhere.

However I intend to be fit for next season, as it's easier for me to lead by example in training - I don't mean to be the fittest, but if I'm pushing you lot to breaking point and I've already conked out 10 minutes ago it doesn't really seem fair.

Fitness and agility, so we'll all be flexible and able to keep it up all night. You'll thank me for it. Your girlfriends will thank me for it.

We already have a set play. Free Kicks - Argue with Dave and try and get the ball of him. First person to get it takes it. Unless it's in our area, then he doesn't want it.

What... That's the fittest I've been in the last six years!! Covered more ground this year than in the last six put together I think, although most of you wouldn't agree.

I was used to being one of the lazy defenders (excluding Hilly!), I almost got fit the year I played up-front with Dave, but that was the first few matches I chased him screaming for a pass, then when I realised that he doesn't, I went back to standing again.

And at the end of a season where I improved my fitness, I now have a completely fook back and can hardly run. Summit tells me this pre-seasons going to hurt.

By the way. I've been thinking.

The only thing that let us down this season (and bizarrely probably cost us promotion cos no way are TVS or MDM that much better than us) was fitness. Sounds weird? Work it out, football-wise those teams weren't better than us, we beat TVS and held MDM to a draw when we'd had much more of the game than them. But we lost to both those teams too, and got pounced on by Partick in both games. At no time did they outplay us though, we were never holding on for dear life against them, we gave away sloppy goals and in the two defeats to TVS and MDM, we ran out of ideas, steam and motivation. That comes from fitness. If you're feeling sharp and willing then you're better prepared to fightback when you go a goal down, something we fell foul to in both those games. I'm convinced of this. So, the upshot is, that in pre-season and in-season training throughout next season, as well as the five-a-side which I think worked wonders for us this season, there'll be a heavier emphasis on the good old fitness stuff. I'm already looking into this and finding smarter, more effective ways of training, but we'll all be fit young men through next season. It might hurt a bit during training, but you all know that you feel better for it afterwards.

There, I've said my piece, now I'll go.

No, he'm got heemself a job in Taunton, Summerrrrrsat! He be selling apples and jam tarts to folk on tractors outsoid they'm houses in the summertoim and then playing tambourine in a pub when winter draws in. "OOOOOOoooooh, Oi am the Johhny Laaamb, Oi comes from round you'm way AND OI CAAN PLAAAAYYY...."

I can only remember Jonny S wind assisted goals for goal of the season.... and that was crap.

Will you still be working in Reading and commuting from farmer land Jonny L?

Good stuff, and we can help you move too, by drinking beer and waving you off.

Change of venue, game will now be at Henwick. 12.30pm kick off so let's get there at 11.45am so we have time to get changed and put the nets up. I should imagine I'll ref a half and one of them will ref a half.

Mikey what do you need from me for the website? I can't give you the MOTM results as there's a trophy for that so I can't give it all away.

Voting forms will be handed out on Saturday. Oooh.

I'm moving my stuff from Reading to Bristol that day so I might as well stop off in Newbury and play a game of footy.

It's at home, they're coming to us. So we can have a drink afterwards. Hooray.

Figured Tony wouldn't be able to play, that's why I'm keen for Frew to be there.

Tony said he won't be playing. Is it at home or do we have to go to Southampton?

John I don't want to put Dave's number on the Blogger, but I do know that he works on a farm. And on his farm he has 0 sheep, 7 cows, 8 chickens, 1 hen, 0 dogs, 3 cats, 7 horses, 2 tractors, 9 bales of hay, 6 ploughs and 8 um, let's say, ducks.

Thought you might find that information useful.

Saturday 24th April - Friendly versus Dibden Harriers. They're a new squad but have a large catchment area so they might be quiet good. I don't know. The bloke I work with is okay, he wouldn't get in our squad.

Can you let everybody who doesn't Blog know - Dave Frew, Crabbeman, etc? Few beers afterwards. Looking for a 12.30pm kick off. I know John Sills won't be available but I'd like to go out with my strongest squad anyway so no matter.

Anybody got Dave Lewis's mobile number? If you don't want to put it on blogger and have my number can you text me it? Thanks

Right, come on then Smurf, obviously I need to know if you're serious. If you're offended by me asking then it's your own fault. Once upon a time there was a little boy who cried wolf. Then Aha wrote a song about it and everybody had to suffer. So, if you're serious about retirement then I need to know now cos I obviously need to get a new keeper in and I need to start looking now. But, if I go to all the hassle of getting a new keeper in then that means you'd be out on your ear, cos I wouldn't want to poach somebody and then at the beginning of the season turn round and tell him that you're in goal. And I'd rather have you in goal, so that would be very awkward and if news got out then I can't guarantee that Aha won't write another bloody song. I wish I could. If you're just looking for some love, then please stay, the whole change around of the team began with you going in goal so it'd obviously be a shame to see you go, but if you're going for 'family' reasons, then that's fine but I need to get a new keeper and we're back to where we were above.

Personally, I can't see why you would retire now, you're fitter than you've been since I've known you, slimmer, in better shape and not as old as other players in the squad who are still going strong after a good night's sleep. But obviously it's up to you. If you want more persuading then fine, let me know, I have a whole host of arguments for every eventuality. If you're stuck on the moon, you may have got me there, but I'm sure we can work around it. You'd be able to throw back some of Dave's shots for a start.

But seriously, I'll need to know now, and I'll need to know why, not just "I'm retiring".

Found it, some guy who's getting kicked out of his club at the end of this season cos no one really likes him or rates him. Lehman or something...

I am at the official end of the season so stick that in your pipe and smoke it,and start looking for my replacement

Thought you'd retired anyway?

Re Sunday - haven't heard from Partick yet but may do tonight. I'll post on here in the morning so check then but if there's nothing then assume there's no game. Next Saturday (24th) there will definitely be a game, just trying to find out a time for kick off.

Ask Dicks what it's like to try and be a hard man in football and fail miserably, being ultimately forgotten by everyone in and around the game. In fact, after that, half way through his answer, ask him who he is again.

Then run.

Ask Billy Mitchell what his brother is up to now,his brother being ex spurs defender Terry Fenwick.
Congratulations Mr Lamb.
Matt cant wait to see you i owe you so many punches
Is there a game this sunday or what?

Now thats fifty quid I wouldn't gamble for. He'd teach you how to head the ball Sills, problem being it'd be your head he would be practicing on.

Billy might burn the place down if you're not carefull. Tenner says you can't out drink Julian Dicks. Fifty quid if you tell him Julian's a puff's name!

5th June sounds good, lets get those voting forms out quickly before everyone forgets in which order they are going to put my three goals for goal of the season.

Turns out I might be going on the piss with Tony Cottee, Julian Dicks, and Billy from Eastenders tonight now. They are all staying over in clacton and have asked my journalist mate who is interviewing them to show them the best pubs in Clacton. There arent any good pubs in Clacton, but it is free entry to Rumours tonight, and a pound a pint...

Haha

Crabbman might? I'd imagine he'd want to get out of his own house now Browny is living there.

Congratulations Jonny... Now thats even more reason to stay playing for Shefford. Isn't it. I'll even buy you a drink mate, just need to consult The Frew man first.

I'm assuming it was planned and not some drunk slur which resulted in her saying.... Pardon?

Surely we can take you out an engagement piss up? Also, if your not planning too get married for a few years, get her pregnant, then we can go out for that as well.

Megan Lamb... I'm sure I've seen that some where before..... Tesco maybe?

Does anybody know anyone who wants to rent a room in Reading?

zzzz

Blackpool wont make me miss first game im in retirement

You think she'd have consulted with me first. But as it is, congratulations mate. I was near Taunton at the weekend by the way, um, there you go.

Just cos you're not getting married for a while, doesn't mean you can't have a stag night. And just cos she's got a ring on her finger, doesn't mean she has any more power over you when it comes to availability for Blackpool...

If, in the future, we go paintballing on your stag weekend, can you make sure if they say we're going round to a tent for some Stella, that we actually get beer? I can't take the look of sheer disappointment on Crabbeman's face when they brought a stripper out instead.

Oh by the way, just before Smurf kills me I thought I had better let you all know I got engaged to Megan on Thursday. Don't get excited about a stag do just yet, we're not planning to get married for a few years yet. (I've got to pay off the engagement ring first!)

I bet Smurf would love to do Lamby each way. However, John's actually right Smurfy I was talking dates for the Presentation Evening rather than Blackpool. Blackpool is looking like it's going to be another August jobby (avoiding the first game of the season of course). So many nights out, so few weekends. But you're right, we'll avoid Blackpool on bank holidays, place is tacky enough at the best of times.

So, to clear up, 5th June for the Presentation Evening? Everyone okay with that? Ask those people who aren't here. I guess Rob will have gone by then, but let's face it... Does anyone know when he's actually going to Australia?

Genghis do you know when the AGM is this year? Usually some time around June isn't it?

Fight, Fight, Fight, Fight....

I'm putting my money on Smurf doing Jonny...

£5 e/w.

Matt's put presentation night so that would suggest to me......

I think they are on about the Blackpool weekend being the 5th june John you fooker

If it's for the end of season/piss up/night out, 5th June sounds good to me.

5th june sounds good. Fuck Blackpool on a bank holiday weekend it will be a nightmare journey and heaving with people.

P.S Ghenghis are you driving? If so book my ticket.

Okay then:-

Sat 29th May - For = just after payday - Against = Bank Holiday weekend

Sat 1st May - For = just after payday - Against = Bank Holiday weekend

Sat 5th June - For = not too long after payday - Against = Effing ages away

Let me know your thoughts...

Any news/dates for the Presentation night/end of season celebrations?? I'm unable to do the weekends of the 14th/15th and 21st/22nd May.

Need something too look forward too, 'havent' taken the piss out of Browny for ages.

I shall work it out for you. In the meantime, had a quick look at the league tables last night and MDM are now actually above us on a goal difference of 1 more than us, so we're in 4th place, but cannot be caught by anyone else. Not a bad effort all round really.

Sillsy you could try asking them if they fancy you. Not your typical journo question but it'd make a much better piece to read than what their favourite goal is etc...

"Cottee replied 'Er...' "

Ghengis - Have you lost you kid? I saw him twice yesterday, once eating the food in Marks and Spencers, which I'm sure he didn't pay for! And once running around in the road in town... Neither time did I see anyone with him!

So your be pleased to know he's still in Newbury.

The cup final is a good story - Browny scoring our only goal, especially if you print a picture.

Shane - Have you worked out how many goals I have scored this year? Unlike Lewis I'm not going to pretend I don't care!! But I want to know if I scored more than last year.

Wont be able to play in either friendly, Im in the middle of a football fest. I watched the Reading vs Norwich match from the HSBC corporate Box (waitress, free programmes, sky TV, shirt and trousers...didnt feel right at all!), then Im off to watch Clacton Town vs West Ham Oldboys on thursday night with my journalist mate so Ill get to chat to the players, any good questions for Cottee, McAvenie and co.? Then Ill be watching Arsenal vs Leeds on Friday night, to be followed by Colchester vs Notts County on Saturday, and Sheffield Wednesday vs Colchester the saturday after! 5 matches...4 divisons...

AFC Wimbledon are champions. There was dancing on the streets of Merton on Saturday. Well, on one street. Acacia Road, that's where the fans live. And just numbers 27 and 59 actually. But boy, did they dance...

I think training has been cancelled as no one was ever turning up and the one that did wasn't enough to cover the cost of hiring the hall.

Paul - Blame Dave for not telling you, bet he had a right laugh at ya!!

Was it just you then?

I guess it's safer to check on here on a Thursday or text Dave L to see if Thursday's are on each week during the closed season.

Haven't heard about this Sunday yet, but Partick wanted a friendly, so keep Sunday free if you can. I know about the Curtis brothers Banks Reunion Match so if we have no friendly I might pop up to Brimpton to hurl some abuse at them. Always wanted to do that but with being on the same team it's always felt a little awkward...

Okay that's cool then, that means we'll probably finish 4th behind MDM but I think that confirms that Vodafone now can't catch us so 4th will be as low as we go. I reckon MDM are now 1 point behind us with 2 games to play, one is against Cold Ash though so it would only take one more slip up and there's a chance we'd hold onto 3rd.

But that's the best result cos if Vodafone had won then they might have both been able to overtake us.

The friendly would be against a new team, a bunch of lads from Southampton. They're a decent bunch of blokes but from the quality of the guy that I work with I can't imagine it would be much more than a run out for us lot. They'd prefer a Saturday too, which I know means Ilsley might not be available but yes means we can go out on the lash afterwards.

4th in Div One eh? I know Beeny and Lewis have done better before but I'm dead chuffed.

Cool - Who's It against? Can go on the lash afterwards - Or stay in the Halfway and get lashed afterwards.

MDM 4 - 2 Vodaclone

Score line not confirmed cause he fella dislocated his shoulder!! HA ha. But MDM won.

Anyone up for a friendly on Saturday 24th April?

Comic Relief was March 16th 2001

Radio One was the Nemone Show

Amusing stories from Blackpool was Genghis falling over with his hotdog

Nights out was me getting me head kicked in by the bouncers in Liquid for not getting in a fight and Lewis being offered a job in Liquid for getting in a fight.

Matty any results from the weekend?

Mikey, how about having a bit on the website for our history, encompassing such great moments as:-

Children in Need / Comic Relief (whichever it was!)
Radio One
'Amusing' Stories from Blackpool (early morning hardware trips etc.)
Nights out etc.

Would be good to have that kind of stuff on the website I think, Im sure there are plenty of tales you scamps have!

A lady friend? Is that like a ladyboy but hangs around for longer?

I went to Blackpool for the weekend with a lady friend. Wasn't that same, but still had a good time

They should have been, they might have done better...

Cant believe the palace has gone bankrupt, guess it means we can all go to blackpool now knowing it will be a bit of a change from last time.

I have had quite possible the worst day of my life, last night within 5 mins of the final whistle i got 15 texts from people, some i didnt know liked football, some i didnt know had my number, and some I didnt know! But they all said the same thing...it started with 'ha' and ended in 'ha ha'. Then I went into work and people had PHOTOCOPIED THE BACK PAGE OF THE NEWSPAPERS and put them all around the building. Then customers laughed at me.

Strange though, I didnt even realise Colchester were playing...

If you think about the amount of coal they had to burn to generate the electricity for all those lights, probably a contributing factor. And the fact that at a pound a bottle they were competing with the luxury end of the Blackpool market.

What were you doing in Blackpool Neil?

Thats strange, quite worrying when you think a place with so much class and potential can go bankrupt.

Hey all, I went to Blackpool last weekend and the Palace has gone bankrupt. There's a few new clubs including one where the barmaids are topless!! and another lap dancing club.Other then that it hasn't changed much.

That's cool, they're only friendlies, no pressure to attend as long as we have a team out.

Dunno mate, couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye. Can't wait to see the fixture list for next season with his name up against half our games. Next time we'll all have to turn up in scouser wigs - reckon he'd find that really funny.

Obviously Frew can just use his normal hair.

Yeah I thought it might be a little quiet from the so called Arsenal supporters today, but I expect there all walking around in there Chelsea shirts, obviously claiming they've supported them 'all my life'.

So when are the trials for 'Shefford Ladies FC' ?

This may be a slight delayed reaction... But, does anyone else think the Ref from our last game looked like the bloke that ran the B&B in Blackpool from last year? The post-man.

Just wondered.

If they keep getting relegated and we keep getting promoted, in 3 years time we could see Wimbledon v AFC Wimbledon. Now that'd be a day out.

Or are we just not talking about footy today?

Rob's Surname is Stronach, Mikey...

Mike are you sure you've got the spelling right on the site. The one I noticed was next to Brownie in squad profiles, you spell it L-i-n-e-s-m-a-n!

Your retirement my arse. You've never enjoyed your footy as much as playing with this bunch of retrobates. Alright so Genghis and I can't promise you and Audi TT at the end of the season if you win the viewers' vote, but you've still got a few years in you yet and what's the point of retiring just after you've brought a new MiniSmurf into the world who's gonna wanna come watch his Dad play? You'll retire when your body tells you to. And it aint saying nuffink right now. I reckon mid 50s you'll still be getting sent off.

He go, he come back. First time some Bristol chav scum tries to stamp on his head even though he's on the same team and Lamb will be welcomed back to the fold (see what I did there?) Bristol's all very nice for decent places to eat, but it starts to drag when you have to ask the waiter for the bill and the police each time cos your car's been nicked again. Bristol to Newbury aint that far when you can make a good day of it. Wherever you play it takes up half your Sunday, no matter whether you have a 45 minute drive or a 15 minute drive. Plus it'll be nice for Megan to get out now and then.

Plus we'll have to find someone with the initials JL for his training top...

What about the news of my retirement?

That would only be a possible 'loan' move thou, and thats worse case scenario, never would the club let him leave on a permanent basis. Personally I don't think the move would suit a player with his qualities, I think it would leave him unsettled and home sick... (Reading is your home now...)

I like the little song about the news... "News goes here, news goes here, a-news goes here, a-news goes here..." Quite catchy. We should get Fatboy Slim to do a mix of it. "Or you could go with this, or you could go with that..."

It's you.

Web site looks pretty nice mate. Credit where credits due. Obviously needs more on it! But like you said we need to come up with ideas etc.

A nice draw with Vodafone would leave us 3rd in the league. Assuming Cold Ash beat MDM.

Was that yesterday?

So that puts MDM 3 points behind with 2 to play, I think that's one against Cold Ash and one against Vodafone... You never know...

TVS 0-0 MDM

A point i didn't think MDM would get.

TVS and Vodafone drew 0-0 last week which was the 2nd best result we could hoped for there. A TVS win would have been better. Vodafone are now 5 points behind with 2 games left to play, but one of those is against MDM. MDM are 4 points behind with 3 games to play. So the likelihood is that MDM will go past us but if they win or draw against Vodafone then it means Vodafone can't so we'll finish 4th. At the moment we're still 3rd. Not bad.

AFC Wimbledon have a goal difference higher than any other team's goals's scored. Wimbledon somehow managed to beat Wigan to stay up for a few more days but they play Sunderland tomorrow night so they'll be down then. I think they've applied to change their name next season, which will leave the name "Wimbledon" up for grabs, so I might have to consider the name Shefford rather seriously...

Anyone see Fash FC last night, the opposition played in Arsenal kit but one player had the badge taped up cos he was a Utd fan. They still suck. If we were in their league we could win it even with the type of hangovers we all had last Sunday...

So the rumours about your "Peanut" ball are true, I thought it was just a vicious rumour started by Brownie's Mum after you turned her down again.

Ok... Maybe it was 'slightly' short. But one short ball in a whole season isn't bad... At least i left it to the last game, one that we were losing in at that.

Well first there was Megan and then, what's your wife's name.......

It was all different in my day. People used to have respect for each other. Didn't use to bicker like children. Had to go and fight the war. No time for arguing. Not now, oh no. All you fancy dans and your swiss watches. Use to have to hold a potato up to the sun to tell the time. Quarter past four. Oh yes. They don't make em like that anymore.

Shane, I know you don't want to have the end of season night out just yet but do you think we should get our votes in for awards. The thing is at Paul's age he may start forgetting things like how often I had to carry Mike through games!

Nothing wrong with my passing Mr Curtis, you were obviously too slow to get there... Must have been counting your bus tokens or something, trying to figure out if you could get there any quicker!

I would have been training but I've spent the last few games carrying Paul which has consequently put my back out....

Are you driving tonight Chris?

You were good at falling over, now where have I seen you do that before. You weren't trying to ski at Northcroft were you?

Chris mate, you missed a superb weekend away, last minute end of Shefford do in sunny Bournemouth, it was quality.

Every time I picture you skiing I get a picture of a clown on stilts trying to ski.

So you didn't break anything...? Tut.

Hey all, so what was the result from the Weekend. Just got back from Skiing ache like hell all over, Im great at falling over!!
Have we got training tonight or not?

So what we all been up too and where did we finish in the League?

With due respect, Paul has indeed scored a goal in the past worthy of the 'John Sills coveted' Goal Of The Season Award. We just didn't have an award for that in those days. Anyone who can score a last-kick-of-the-game (literally) winner, from outside the box, whilst facing away from goal, is a Shefford legend. You just don't get a trophy for that.