Thought you might like it.

Thats wicked

Ive tried that and ive tried looking in program files and cant see anything. Oh well there could be worst things to look at when you connect to the internet then a nice naked lady

Neil, try deleting all your temporary internet files, cookies and history and check in your internet options what your homepage is set to.

Also, both of you take a look at this:-

http://www.liquidgeneration.com/sabotage/seal_sabotage.asp

It's just another funny flash animation thing, quite good. They've done the sound wrong though so you have to have your speakers up a bit more than normal to hear it properly when the music kicks in...

Talking of porn, for some reason ever time I connect to the internet porn pops up and I get about 5 e-mails aday from a porn site. Where ive been off work recently people have been using my computer and checking my e-mails. You can imagine the explaining I had to do......

Yes I have, why?

anyone got speakers or headphones on their PC?

Yeah Matt can you pick me one up?

Cheers

Oi... Explains why i don't head the ball much, maybe.

No probs mate, will get you ticket.

Thats what im scared of!! Although would answer the questions surronding his playing......
Can you get my ticket aswell Matt

Yeah but theres a down side to everything in life, at least you have fun causing the headache.

So thats a definate yeah Paul (2 tickets)? I've been told that they are 8 bucks each. I've also been told that you can't buy them on a normal Fri/Sat night...? But that seems stupid?? If you can't I will get them at some point.

Neil, am I still purchasing one for yourself?

Yeah, I really wanted to get off the sofa but just couldn't. Instead of playing football I had the privilage of watching a double eposode of Eastenders and then watched holiday swap. Now I know why there are so many alcoholics, knowone can stay in and watch TV.....
Matt your idea of a pre match build up sounds good, although by the sounds of it I will have one hell of a hangover

Neil - This is the ideal build up to a Sunday morning match.

Saturday day - Few lunch time pints.

7.30pm - Rush home - shower - change.

8.15pm - Pub.

8.15pm - Onwards drink as much as possible before 2am.

2am - Greasy rank, uncooked, over priced, revolting food.

2.00am - Till you get bored - Take the piss out of everyone you see.

9.45am - Get out of bed, take a shi... Go to football.

Beats the sofa mate.

It's at home mate, so 9.30am Northcroft. Beans on toast or cheese on toast, the ideal pre-footy stomach filler...

Cool, now we have 2 subs and I'm happily on the bench.

Johnny S, how's the leg feeling?

As far as I can see there is no reason why I cant give it ago on the weekend. Where is it and what time?

Training was good, I was particularly strong and skillfull, then I got a little tired and the next 55 minutes of it was hard work.

Now Neil, I don't want to push you, but do you think you'll be up to playing on Sunday? The only reason I ask is that otherwise my squad is as follows:-




You see my problem.

Actually it's not that bad, but at the moment, without you, we only have one sub (who is a central defender) and I have to play 90 minutes and Genghis has to play 90 minutes with a potentially life-threatening injury to his ankle. I think you might have a good game against Shalbourne's defense, they've let in a few goals so far this season. But, if you don't think you're up to it, then that's fine and it's no problem.

MDM beat St Barts, but it was only on penalties and in that horrible weather on Sunday which would have brought all teams down to the same sort of level.

AFC Dons 16 out of 16.

How was training last night? Sorry I didn't come I couldn't motivate myself to get off the sofa

Just to let you all know, I wasnt at training last night.

It's not far mate, well i typed it and i didn't think it came out so, I typed it again and again and again, Just incase.

Where the gun and the old bell are go straight on and it's on your left hand side.

what sort of thing are you looking for mate, and is it perm or contract??
Im sure I can see what I can do?

Does anyone go clubbing on a Thursday?

Is it? Fuckin ell, I need a map.

all your fault browny howcome?

browny howcome you are different?

And browny if it was a system fault then howcome all your messages are different you cunt?

And browny if it was a system fault then howcome all your messages are different?

Thank you, which one is Parkhouse School? Is it the one opposite where Millhouse used to play?

Browny, just the one answer will do this time thanks.

ok there is something wrong with this system, im not being dumb and repeating myself over and over again.

Just incase you didn't get it, Its at park house, just go through the gates and it's at the back.

Its at Park House School mate, in thier sports hall. Just drive through the gates and then to the back, you will see our cars.

Shane - Training is at Park House School, just drive though the gates and its at the back.

its at Park house, just drive through the gates and it's at the back.

its at Park House mate, in their sports hall, just drive through the gates and it is at the back.

Your doctors more accurate than most then Paul.

I've got a really sore shin... I don't need to see a Doctor yet, I'm just asking if I can go on Mikeys team tonight, otherwise I might.

I might be a little late to footy tonight? Although I will do my very best to be on time. Promise.

Also - before anyone else sends me a picture of the home alone kid with Micheal Jackson in the background.... I'VE SEEN IT. Ta.

Anyone else got any unnoticeable injuries? I thought I saw Smurf's left arm fall off midway through the second half but he played on so I didn't like to say anything. I suggest people stick away from bored doctors for now in case they go in for a check up and come out with their own personal air-bubble and oxygen supply.

I know this may sound a touch silly as a manager of a footy club, but can someone tell me where and when training is tonight?

whats happened on Blogger today?! One post? I've deliberatly not gone onto Paul's Ebay thing, in case its a trick, youve all logged onto it and been sucked into your TV screens or something...?!

Went to the doc's today and Ive got a slight tear on some muscle in my right leg, near my shin. He reckons 7-10 days from the injury, but says its good i didnt notice it during the match sunday as it means its not to bad, so 50-50 for sunday. Wont be at training though.

They existed before but have only been in the league for 2 or 3 years. There's a slight chance you played them for AFC Newbury before but I don't know the exact times. Before that they were still called Shalbourne but played in a different league so you might have played them in a Berks & Bucks cup or something. Shalbourne is miles away and I think it's in Hants or Wilts, but they applied to come in and had their paperwork in order and a big bank account so the league pretty much guaranteed that they would get voted in. Oi loiks organoised teams oi doos. Aaand they sleep with they cuzzins in Shalbyourne aaaand so doos oi so oi waaaants em in moi league.

I think Monny lost their keeper during the summer cos they were looking around for one - that can make quite a difference to a team, plus they may be the same as us and have played the top teams for the first few games. Haven't seen whether they've just lost or been thrashed.

Just to let you know, I've tried faxing a report through a couple of times today but I'm not sure it's going through properly, so there may not be a write up in the paper on Thursday, sorry to those of you who would have got a mention otherwise.

Yeah sorry Browny. It's that trick you do that fills me with jealousy, what do you call it.... 'The step over'

I was telling Tony about the Monument yesterday, dunno what happened there, they looked a pretty decent outfit last year??

Are Shalbourne a new team to the league? I seem to remember playing them a few years back? Unless I'm mistaken?

Yes it was. Everyone else thought you were brilliant Browny. Matt was just jealous.

It's Shalbourne and they're shit hot. Very good team, they've had a hard draw for fixtures so far this season like us, but they're very organised and very fit.

Has anyone seen the table for Div2 and seen who's bottom? Poor old Monument...

It wasnt just me!!!!

it certainly is Matt, should be a good one.
Does anyone now how good Shelbourne are?

Shane what were you going on about earlier, thats the longest post that I've ever seen. You got far too much time on your hands.

Don't worry Matt, I forgive you for Sunday, even though I didn't realise it was you, thought that it was everyone, hate those conditions though. Just glad we managed to get the result and climb ourselves up the league.

It's Hennassy Gold Cup weekend.... And Hillys B'day so the two centre backs will be a blurry eyed!! I'm driving.

As far as I know we're here the following week as well? Isn't that Smurfs wedding weekend??

No, I thought you lot were away or something, or is that the week after? I'd much prefer it to be the week after, cos we're up against TVS and have no Smurf anyway.

Certainly was a good idea.... I'd imagine your history teachers will be proud that you even remembered that about World War II, let alone put in into practice.... Maybe it's on a slightly smaller scale, but obviously far more important.

I actually thought Smurf deserved the MOTM on Sunday, made some great saves, two 1 on 1's, and loads of awkward shots that were skidding all over the shop... A goal from them would have made it bloody hard to get back in it. But hey, I ain't gunna argue!

Are you hoping people are going pull out for Sundays game then? Or are you just wondering how many people you have to pick the team from??

Aha! Yeah Nemone must have swallowed what I had for her completely. Basically I sent the photo to a mate of mine who works for another ad agency (so if they checked out the company it'd look genuine), then got her to send it back to me as an attachment with no message text in the email. Then I forwarded her email to Radio 1, but added some text into her email first, saying how she'd just been given a bollocking from her boss who'd found out that she'd printed that poster and got it put up before the proper client poster was ready to go up in that space and that I owed her a big favour for it cos she was off to go and try to keep her job right now... Ingenious? I think it must be getting close to it.

Got the idea from a World War II true story, where the English dropped a dead body off into the sea knowing it would be washed up on a beach controlled by ze Germans. In the pockets of the uniform of the dead man were fake battle plans that they wanted ze Germans to think were real, so they also put in some fake personal letters and some fake nasty letters from his bank manager so ze Germans would believe he was the type of guy who would be careless enough to carry battle plans on him. They completely fell for it and moved entire divisions of ze German army out of the way of the real invasion force. Clever stuff. Me and Winston Churchill, peas in a pod.

Matty I've had nothing from Radio 1 at all mate. Will email them and see what's going on.

It was tough on Sunday the pitch looked really skiddy and it will take a while to get into it in those conditions, especially as you came on virtually cold. But fair play to Browny cos he stuck with it and turned things round, and fair play to the team cos they could see he was having a mare and everyone starting encouraging him. I can understand it was a frustrating game, but given the conditions I thought we looked pretty damn good - like someone said yesterday if you'd got that goal in the first 10 minutes the scoreline could have been a lot more representative. Smurfy's handling was superb and the whole team looked a lot more like last season again. 2 clean sheets in a row in the league, you can't argue with that.

So who's not available for Shalbourne on Sunday?

Yeah I think Smurfs right, your dad might have heard it as us getting fired for the billboard job??

Have they e-mailed you at all RE: the next task? Because they said they were going to e-mail last week about the new task and details on the 'Final'. I thought they might have e-mailed you and not me last week??

Browny - I apologise if I shouted and got on your back too much on Sunday.... Difficult conditions to come on and get straight into the game and adapt to the pitch. Was just getting frustrated that we couldnt get the ball in the bloody net....!!

All they said that someone nearlly got fired over getting the advertising board up and they didnt want anyone to lose there job so you must of blagged them brilliantly Mr Bellamy.oh and by the way im aching all over.Browny what are you saying sorry for that 20 minutes for mate?



You was on for more than 20 minutes

Well I listened to pretty much all of the show, and didnt hear them say anything of the sort...

My dad said he heard on the radio that we'd won the Column Inches round but that we'd nearly got disqualified - was that him making it up or did they say something along those lines? I told him I was a little worried that we might get disqualified if they found out the billboard was a scam so I think he might be getting confused... Anyone shed any light on this fact?

When they raided Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch they found it littered with Class A and Class 3B.

morning all,

Good result yesterday, appologies for the 1st 20 mins lads, I had a shocker out there. Glad we got the goal that we richly deserved though.

Looking forward to Sunday, should be a good one, Crabbeman seems ok was having a chat with him last night, all seems well, just a slight bruising and for him to take lots of paracetamol.

Good to have you back gaffa, its been quiet in here the past few weeks.

Good news about Crabbeman. I reckon on a drier day/less windy day you'd have got a much more flattering scoreline against them and had a more comfortable day of it. Good to see how they reacted to conceding a goal, they pretty much stopped at that point and just saw out the time. So who's not available for the Shalbourne game on Sunday then...?

Swing low sweet chariot....

Great game yesterday lads, another game in which we sneaked the win, but another we deserved. Its good to have some points on the board, and I think we are beginning to move the ball around well. Its also 2 clean sheets in 2 league games now, much more like last season. If we had scored early in either of the last two games in the league then i think we would have scored a few more.

News on Crabbeman...he went to Newbury hospital, but hasnt broken anything, just got some bad bruising on his ribs. Might by fit for Sunday, have to wait and see I think.

How many of you lot are coming out in Reading on Friday?

Morning....

Hey - can you let me know what you boys have been up to in the last
couple of weeks - plus any score lines?

Vicky Marsden will be covering Nemone for the next couple of weeks

Lizzie x

Anyone have a good stories (serious/believable ones, even if they are lies!)
that we can tell them?

Obviously I'll tell them about Smurfs stag night tonight....

What was the score week before last?? Was that the 0-2 win against Post Office?

Morning gentlemen i will probably be at the halfway about 7.There is no set time for getting there just get there when convenient.Stay at halfway for a whille then more than likely liquid have to go in small groups though.Where are we sunday then?

Morning Paul,

Smurf said at the weekend that he will be there from about 6.30pm !! Typical! I don't know if theres a 'set' starting time. I won't be able to get there that early but will aim for about 7pm/7.30pm..... Gotta get an early start to ensure a big session!!

Smurf - You must have more details......

Morning, It certainly has gone all quiet on the blogger front? East Germany... Sounds interesting, better than being stuck in the office all day long, even if it does make ya ill. I'm not too sure that bitter and babycham will mix to well Paul? Make curdle - and if it does Smurf will have to drink it.... Is his stag night!! Anyone know whats happening after the Halfway? Are we going into town or anything? Or are we having a lock in?

Smurf - Havent a clue on numbers. But the 5v5 lot are coming.... Me, Dave, Adam, Tony, Taylor and Bean... And this bloke called Smurf.... Dodgy keeper!

And - I know that Paul is coming. Crabbman is coming. I think you should beat up anyone that doesn't come.

273. No.

Ill bring my passport friday night then .Anyone got any idea how many are coming?

hey all,

that sounds like a damm good idea Paul, where are you getting these cheap flights ideas? Coz i need a cheap flight to paris if there are any.

Bit dissapointing at the way we lost yeaterday, we seemed to be dead and buried, and our heads really dropped as soon as the 1st goal went in. Dave missed a couple of chances, but all in all we didn' really create many.

Just means that we can now concentrate on the league.

Thanks for the symapathy mate, My knee is fucked and bloody killing can hardly stand up, so think I might be a doubt for Sunday, but see how it feels over the next couple of days.
It was a crunching tackle but we both went for it. Training was the best we have had in a long time, it was really good. Especially the two touch, and it really works on our fitness, which I need big time.

Entirely up to you thou Mikey, if your still undecided and wanna think about it.

48p.... Not bad at all, even thou theres airport tax thats still dirt cheap in comparison.

Paul is right - As far as i can remember it was 1st Hilly. 2nd Mr Crabb. Turd, Was Mr Sills.

Nobody was singling Tabbman out, I only gave him a pleasant kick after he hoofed me!! Nothing in it thou. I apologise...

I'm sorry Steven, I was merely caught up in the atmostphere of the game and with the adrenaline was pumping and no wanting to lose, I had the 'urge'.... And had a B'urge'er King on the way home. I'm sorry, I've let myself down, The team, and most of all McDonalds.

16 Players again... Corr blimey... Pauls idea might not be a bad one??

Training was better last night compared to last week, three teams and two touch definately made us play better football.

I thought that tackle/push was a bit harsh on Browny! At least theres no damage...

Paul - Smurfs wedding is in December.

I thought training was better last night. We always seem to try harder when then are three teams. Full marks to Dave Frew for his quite literally crunching tackle on Browny. I bet you are sore today aren't you Chris (and that's just from going home with Dave last night!).

Ive had most of your mums more to the point i could be some of your lots dad

that doesnt sound too bad, actually gives us a few weeks to concentrate on some football! Shane will be back as well, so we dont have to rely on Matty. Only joking. No seriously. No, honestly.

Damn right she does. We were just saying that the other day.

Yeah footy is the same as last week....

E-mail from Radio 1.

Basically you boys will be sitting tight for the next three weekends. We
will announce your next challenge this Sunday, but as Nemone will be on
holiday for the following two weeks we'll be taking it easy.

Just to warn you, the next round includes your mums (Nemone's future
mother in law!!). So if each team can choose a player and their
respective mothers to represent you that would be lovely!

It will be a sort of Mister and Mrs game - much fun!

Cheers

Lizzie x

Browny and anyone else who didnt know,Stag do friday 21st november at the halfway should be fun im sure crossy the landlord will have a few fun and games up his sleeve then probably end up in town,Get there whatever time you can

Hey all, Happy Birthday Smurf, whats happening with your stag do mate.

Sorry couldn't come down on sunday been suffering with this bloody flu thing going round, good result lads and also with the radio 1 thing, still can't believe they fell for it.

Whats the task for this week?? 100% record so far.

Good - Couldn't play if it was away but I'm ok for a home match, just have too shoot off after.

Still no news.

Morning girls i have the mother of all hangovers and ive got a meeting this morning with our agent at work doing our yearly appraisals.Oh well anyone got any jobs going?

We are away to Mortimer (-mor, -mar?) in the Bucks and Berks I think...

Happy birthday Smurfy, you and Paul should go for a walk into town, have a look round at some of those electronic buggies old people drive around, maybe put one on your christmas lists?!

John Sills, Ba, (Bsc, ACIB pending), 4 A-levels, 11 GCSE's, (CRGS), and Ive won the jackpot on the Weakest Link machine...

Essex Boys are thick my arse...!

Paul im only 23 and i have a crack pipe,being measured up for my zimmer frame next week.What model do you recommend?On the Steve Tab issue i would like to join you, 2-0. 2-0, 2-0. 2-0 matty let me know when we get our next task being another year older im bound to come up with some good ideas.

Thankyou Mr Atkins im still i long long way behind paul so i dont intend getting the pipe and slippers out just yet

Happy Birthday.... Mr Smurfy..... Happy Birthday tooooo yooooou!

Three cheers.... hip, hip.....

Its my birthday today and im going to get drunk

Does anyone know if we are home or away this week?

It's because the dog chewed his best slippers.

Paul has being abit emotional have anything to do with a midlife crisis..................

Essex boys are so thick, just look at John? (sorry)

No news on the task as they don't work on Mondays and Tuedays so expect something tomorrow or Thursday. And you will all need your thinking caps on what ever it is... I will need some help!

I've decide not to play in the Essex Boys are so thick game... Just a poor attempted for John not to insult me to much when we play... Council Workers....

Go easy on me, I have the dentist today.

Where was everyone today?!?! This is the least active blogger has ever been!!

John your right I saw Hilly run past me atleast twice and im playing up front!!
I take it from your comment were through to the next round them?

Great result today lads, thought we played really well, good passing football, created lots of chances, attacked as a unit (I swear Hilly ran passed me three times...) and defended as a unit. Off the bottom now, lets get a few more performances under our belt, the season has started as well. And as much as we dont want to be in it, we are on a cup run!

And a great result on Radio One! I thought Id add authenticity by texting in as 'Dan' claiming I had seen the poster, and Nemone read it out! Can't believe they fell for it...

Lost my conker for the same reason, cos of the damage I took into the fight. Stupid game anyway. C'mon Shefford get in there and do the biz.

Anyway im off now too!! Gotta go find a new conker cos SOMEONE broke mine!

Have a good one shane and if you dont come back to 6 points and a semi final.... its all matts fault!!

And youy get to dead leg him in both legs!!

But we will try.

Happy birthday to JULIE Happy birthday to JULIE........

Shane you should challenge Nemone!!

Cos it was a 3er. Beat browny first, then whooped matt!! i only had half power on the left third left when i started. But i wont take the victory away from you!!

Might text radio 1 on sunday. 'Shane broke my conker'.

If I lost to Ad and Shane beat him... That makes me shit.

I've had enough of these punks that don't pay there taxes... So I'm going now, to drink the money of the ones that do. Love it.

Have a great hols Shane... You'll come back to six points and a semi final in the Radio 1 comp.... We'll make sure of it. See you in 2 weeks...

Ad - see you in about 2 hours!

And as accurate! Took me ages to smash your conker...

Yeah. And you broke it!!! Have you played before?? Your conker needed to go on a diet! It was nearly as fat as lewis!!

Was that you Adam?

Bastards

I had a quick flick though it today on my lunch break but couldn't see anything? Thats the weekend edition as well. It was just full of murders and rapes... Usual Reading articles.

Reading Evening Post today anyone? Are we in it?

Thats normal for villa fans, the ones with the bullets usually come from birmingham!!

Only with a bullet.

It'll be worth it to hear how embarrased she was!! She wouldn't hit a fellow villa fan... would she???

It'll be worth it to hear how embarrased she was!! She wouldn't hit a fellow villa fan... would she???

Cool - but whatever happens I'll tell her it was your idea. You'll be limping for weeks.

When your over there shane, go to an 'outback steak house' if you see one, do there meal challenge thingy!! 36oz t bone steak, HUGE plate of chips, onion rings, veg and stuff oh and it also come with a loaf of bread!!! All free if you can do it! goood luck!!!

Also don't let Julie know but tell them its her birthday!! You'll be laughing for week's!!

Your gunna be a lard ass after 2 weeks in America Bellamy... Junk food every night, and the odd white wine spritzer to wash it down....

Ah, for some reason I thought you knew Sheerin. Ah well...

No not him. My mates name is Gaffney, And he definatley wouldn't be starting he's a lard ass!!

I thought he was your mate at AFC Dons??? Obviously not...

Who's Sheerin?? I dont know him!!

Oi Adam! Thought you said Sheerin was on holiday? He's down as starting in Saturday's game... Get him to grab a copy of the programme for us.

Already done it. And I'll grab a copy at the airport and MMS them a photo...

Cool!! How are we going to tell radio 1? Tell them to buy a copy...!?

Hands up who's just been talking to the Daily Mirror.... Just me then! We're in tomorrow's edition. And...

I've had to give him all your names, so the following people may need to forewarn their girlfriends that it's just a story...

Tony Ilsley
Matt
Dave Lewis
Adam
Dave Frew
Dave Crabbe
John Sills
John L
Chris Brown

That's it, that's all he needed, I mentioned Steve Tab too for some reason, he must just be in my mind. I told him about you as well Paul, but he said they probably wouldn't print that cos you're married! Didn't tell him about you Smurf, you owe me a pint for that.

Top notch

Okay, who ever changed my password on the dating thing... Shane or Adam, I've got a new one!! They sent me my details cos I got a message from 'Tam' who claims she looks like Pink.... err.... Nice. Can we cancel our accounts yet? Or is there a possibility The Mirror might still look for us?

Yes the photo will count. So will the match write-up which they completely cut down the bastards (I had sent them about 2 pages worth though).

No luck with the Evening Post anyone? Nothing in the Mirror again today, looks like they may have dropped the story. Probably on account of it being bullshit.

Still, we've got the AFC Wimbledon programme, potential on the Jimmy Hill Sunday Supplement and the 'poster' so I think we'll be okay. I still reckon at least one club will have nothing.

Well enjoy the footy while it lasts cos when I get back I'm gonna be changing training for until we get back outside in the Spring. You won't know what hit you. But you'll thank me for it in years to come.

Personally I didn't think it was that great. But thats probably just because i'm not a fan of just playing a match, and we had too many players on each team!! But Pauls right, they played some good football at times... Our team, didn't...!

Thats e-mail looks superb mate, really realistic, just fooled Hillys mum with it, and still didn't tell her the truth!!

The Vodafone match that we got fined for and lost the points - we got a £20 fine and the cost of an appeal is £25. Fucking FA. Still going through with it though cos I want the NSDFL to be embarassed when they have to explain why they cancelled a game and then fined us for it.

It's aaaallll becoz oi don't loik the feckers coz nun o dem got moustaaaaaaches loik moin... I loiks little boyz...

How was Park House school last night? Sorry I didn't make it, was still here at 9.30pm...

Shane I've received all the e-mails now, looks like our server was having a bad day, cause I had loads come though. It's not usually like it cause I spend most my day sending e-mails!

Yeah, I received the bog standard e-mail and I replied to it? One of my mates said it took two hours for my e-mail to get to him, dunno why it's not usually like that....?

Haven't recieved your e-mail yet mr atkins you retard!!

If we lose we lose mate, could have been in the last round with the results on a different day. Some things you can't do anything about. They do seem to be checking quite hard about stuff, they just asked which edition of The Mirror we were in, so I've told them we haven't actually been in it yet. Lizzie's looking forward to talking to you Matt, but have you had any of my emails yet? I even sent you a bog-standard normal one, no attachments or anything...

Bloody Mickey Mouse e-mail system we have!!
Ad check your e-mails and send the attachment to that address please. Cheers.

I'm sure everyone will help out for the tasks, can I just check that you don't own any guns.... Just incase we do lose... Which we won't!!

SHEFFORD FC MANAGER ARRESTED IN MINNIE MOUSE GROPING INCIDENT - should have thought about this before...

Yeah my sister who is supposedly clever fell for it so I've started the build up with the girls at Radio 1 to make them think it's genuine. I've said it's only up for this afternoon because a client had a poster delayed so my mate at the printers did that for us as a favour and got it up for this afternoon. We'll need to co-ordinate a few text messages on Sunday from people other than us to radio 1, saying stuff like "saw the poster" and "heard Jimmy Hill talking about it" stuff like that.

This round, in the bag, I reckon. Up to you next week Matty - I'll be textable til Thursday, then we're off to the Keys where we're not sure what the coverage will be, but back in coverage the following Tuesday.

Afternoon guys,

Thats a quality e-mail! I think they will, looks good to me. My work mate's thought it was real to!! Im assuming its not...

Nobody injure Stevie T. Want him available...

Is training at Park house tonight?

No it's nothing dodgy at all. I'll try and re-send it...

Yeah, unless its really dodgy and gets picked up by the filter type thing??

I just took your email address from here mate. Can you accept attachments okay?

Still no e-mail. You sure you put '.gov.uk' and not '.co.uk' ?? thats the mistake most people make.

Perhaps they just figured you had no chance...

Didn't swear in the email, but there was a large-ish attachment to it so maybe it's bounced or just going slowly...

Yeah suggest stuff to Mikey tonight, I'm sure he'll be happy to have suggestions.

Don't be too hard on yourselves for the start of the season boys, you've only actually played 3 league games and the performances have only been bad in patches of games, when for the rest of the same game they've been superb. What's in the past is in the past, except our trophy which is very much still with us. So go out and do your best for the next 2 games and I'll be back for the 3rd one if possible, dunno what time we land...

No? No e-mail...?? If you swear in an e-mail to me they will reject it... Just put fu*k, sh*t.....!!

Just wondered if you were coming... If you wasn't I was going to suggust to Mikey that if he gets stuck for things to do I have a couple of exercises, but I'll tell him next week.

The way things have been lately theres a fair chance our clean sheets will get more of a pounding than yours...

But hopefully we're gunna put a stop to that on Sunday.

If you boys get a clean sheet while I'm away I guarantee my sheets won't be.

Yeah hoping to be at training. As it's my last 2 days before a holiday though I could be here til god knows what time - why, did you need to speak to me?

Matty you had my email yet?

There was this girl called Estevetta,
And blimey she could have looked better,
She sounds like a dog, thats been hit with a log,
And even worse Jonny Sills, he has met her.

I'm bored. You at training tonight Shane?

Ok, now I really am off home. Have a good holiday boss, we'll do you proud while you're away!

I'll see the rest of you on sunday, COME ON SHEFFORD!! NIL-NIL BOYS!!

There was this 'woman' in a pub in reading last week calling 'herself' Estevetta, she was very interested in me, asking e allsorts of questions about my job, my home, in fact every single aspect of my life. 'She' found it all very interesting, judging by 'her' reactions. 'She' then started asking me all sorts of questions about how best 'she' could improve 'her' shooting, and saying that she needed to learn how 'her' new team mates played before 'she' could start playing at 'her' best. All very odd...

Sorry boys, I've just had to cancel my C4Dating account, started to get messages from people with photos, but what was worse was I got some messages from people with photos. Fucking glad I'm married already. Bloody hell. So I've pulled out, bottled it and quit, treat me how you will, but as soon as I clicked on 'Cancel' I felt cleansed.

The final straw was a message from someone called Estevetta T who said she plays footy and recently transferred to another Div 1 club but is playing her old club on Sunday... Then she just said "Hmm... Interesting."

Cats got email access but she has already emailed nemone so they will recognise her address

No.1 tourist industry in the uk in the 1950's
Most hours of sunshine in the uk every year since 1993
Most fat londoners in one place.

If i had a case, ive just rested it.

Does anyone's girlfriend have access to email at home on Sundays? We need someone to email Nemone on Sunday morning and say "Is the Shefford FC who are in your competition the same Shefford FC that Jimmy Hill was just talking about on Jimmy Hills Sunday Supplement on Sky?"

I'm serious. There's a chance we will get a mention on there, but it sounds better if I tell Nemone there;s a chance and then someone other than me actually emails or texts in...

That;s cool, I think with some hard work we could be looking at beating everyone up to and including Norreys. Think how well we were doing against Partick before it all went wrong. That said, Newbury PO had a not too bad result against TVS on Sunday, so it just shows you can't just turn up and expect to win...

Isn't a patch on Clacton? Yes I think a patch is on Clacton. If there isn't, there should be. Good shout.

Incidentally, the Reading Evening Pot is a large saucepan placed in Broad Street every evening with various pictures thrown into it to be cooked up. Into a broth.

Im off to Essex. See you all sunday...except you Shane, have Fun in 'Florida'. Isn't a patch on Clacton...

(The table looked a lot better in the text box thing before i posted it...)

We werent in the Reading evening Pot last night, however, our league table was...

Team Played Points
Cold Ash 7 19
MDM Newbury 5 13
Thames Sports 6 10
Partick 5 10
Vodafone 4 9
Hampstead N 5 7
NTS Casuals 5 7
Shalbourne 5 4
Newbury RBL 5 3
Newbury PO 5 1
WKD 4 1
The mighty Shefford 4 0

So if we start getting a samll run together we will shoot up the table.

1-0 to the Arsenal...

Not in the Mirror again today. Boo.

Nice bit in the NWN, any luck with the Reading Evening Post anyone?

we are in the NWN.....

check out smurf's pic... id 1396326

And drop the egg whisk?? whats that about?? Also try and find chris's i can't find his id no but read his profile!! Think his nickname should be prince charming from now on!!!

I read it earlyer. I couldn't find anything in there.

My god I thought she was on here for a second. Still, I imagine she's probably quite easily impressed...

"Hi"

"Wow!"

Fair play for having this out in the open with your girlfriend - good for you. I've told the Mirror that all the team are getting loads of messages to hopefully prompt them into some action! Still haven't bought todays, off to get it now. The Mirror.

You can't look at yours yet paul you've not been approved!! I told her that im on it she was a bit weird about it but i explained that i couldn't recieve e-mails and she didn't mind so much. But i have a feeling that if i argue with her at all in the next 6 months she will bring it up as ammo!! Llike all women do with there super memory when there having a go at there bloke!!

A little difficulty... Half her keys are missing, or as she would say 'halv key miss'

And Paul I think that is just blatant website advertising and I would be surprised if the girl in that pic is called Evette. That's cruel, just preying on poor people who really use these dating sights to meet new people and form new relationships. You, basically.

Adam she seems to be having a little difficulty with her keyboard eh?

You're right. You can easily explain that you've joined an e-dating agency, any girl would understand that, but god help you if you told her you were a premium member!

No photo?

Afternoon guys,

Just got my first message from the dating thing!! Kerry 19 from Stratford On Avon. Profile no- 1382756. Reading her profile, she doesn't sound to clever. You can't actually read the e-mail till you become a premier member!! Guess that means you have to pay!! Wont be doing that! How would i explain that to the girlfriend....??

Yeah I told em that's how we got the story in the mirror - haven't told them that we actually did it though, just that we told the Mirror we did...

By the way, have we told Nemone about the direct dating thing? they might count internet pages towards column inches...

it was just the influence of hearing some guy from luxembourg attempting english which put me off...

You wanna watch that k button on your new laptop mate.

Are you suggesting we cheat Matthew? Im disgusted, im a good upstanding Essex boy! Im just playing around on my new laptop, I appear to have turned on some foreign radio station, and I know cant turn it off! They are looking to sponser a sunday league football team though...

Night John.

As Arsene Wenger said...'We are top of the league, Top of the Fair Play league, Thank you and goodnight'

A couple of fakes might be a good idea, just incase some of our don't come off? There never be able to trace the small papers.

No mate, couldn't get any response from them at all. Though I wonder whether it's worth grabbing them so I can scan something to make it look like we were in there???

Worth a try, I'll grab them on my way home tonight...

I think fun is sitting at the end of a station platform watching the 16:34 GER from liverpool street come in. I still havent seen coach no. 63748, still, there's always tomorrow!!

Just because her show changes times, doesn't mean they're going to drop the sponsorship does it? Plus it's just a bit of fun mate. Half 3 John, time for your prozac...

I'd like to take the award for Mr. Pessimistic 2003...

Just heard that from the new year, Nemone and Scott Mills are swapping shows, so Mills will do Sunday 1-3 and Nemone will do early breakfast. Is it really worth it now?! I mean, Noone will care about it after they have decided who wins the thing, so wont we just risk pissing Newbury Collage off and leaving ourselves without a decent sponser next season?

[Hehe....]



Any of your likely lads would be a treat sir!

-----Original Message-----
From: Shane Bellamy [mailto:shane.bellamy@lawton.co.uk]
Sent: 05 November 2003 14:39
To: Lizzie Buckingham
Cc: Catherine Carey
Subject: RE: Next round


Yes I will. We may struggle with the AFC Wimbledon matchday programme as I’m off to Florida chasing sharks on Saturday so won’t be going to the match, but we’ll get you pretty much everything else (not the radio thing, it’s been on and nobody taped it!!! It was about 21 seconds worth of radio though, but not nearly as fulfilling as my chat with Nemone…



I’ll be letting you know somebody else’s contact details for while I’m away. Anyone from the photo you particularly want to deal with?



SB xx

I wont need a lift to training Browny as Im not coming to Training.

Is it true you are coming to the pub tonight to watch the Arse with Stevey Tab?

hey y'all.

Sent that phot from Cat's email. I worte the email with it, said something along the lines of loads of wives and girlfriends come to watch, they vote in supporters player of the season, that the blokes dont know what the girls get up to when we are on our 'team bonding' weekend away in Blackpool, and that Im not sure if the blokes know I have this picture. Sorted.

Haven't seen it - will nip out in a second and grab a copy.

Tried to get one at lunch but the useless bastards didn't have one?

Nout in the Mirror either then?

Shit...

(Browny can you grab a Reading Evening Post today and tomorrow?)


Ooh, you have been busy! Any chance you can scan as many of the articles as possible into an email and send them to us?

Cheers

Lizzie x

Just had an email from Radio 1 asking how we're getting on, so I've told her about everything we've got and might still get so hopefully they won't even bother to check up!

Happy Birthday mike....did you get a new set of bandages for your birrthday??

yes browney training is at park house it starts at 8.30 so get their 10 mins b4.. i guess you are going to bring the reading lot?? and dont forget to bring £2...

Stevie Tab's playing up front and has been practicing his backing in all week for when he's getting marked by Tony.

Hey Chris.

Happy Birthday Mr Williams........ Happy Birthday too yooooou!!

We'll get Smurf too give you the 'Bum..s' on Sunday.... (Sorry my 'P' button keeps sticking.)

hey all,

So whats been going on with this advert thing, Shane how many places have we actually got in to?

Happy birthday to you Mike, me and Dave will give you a great present when Arsenal whip the sucms on Sat.
Without a shadow of a doubt.

Is training this week at Park House??

And if the Reading lot need a lift then please let me know.

I don;t know when it's going in the mirror, I'll buy it today and have a read through. He said someone might phone me to grab a photo but no one has yet...

http://www.channel4.com/entertainment/tv/microsites/D/dating/index.jsp

I can guarantee that at least one player has already been contacted by a genuine female...

Shane do you know when it's going in the mirror? Or is it just a waiting game for when they have a spare double page spread?!!

Hope they didn't research the story yesterday, Adam changed my profile to say 'I also have a nine inch Shlong' !!!! Changed it back now!

Cheers for that Adam i have now added er on the end of it even us university boys make mistakes oh well must go got more replys to answer.

Attractive and University education Smurf!!! Come on there going to know your lying when you say you were an ex professional football!!!

Think you probably should have put footballer!! Though it would be fun watching you get kicked around every day!!

yea check me out profile id 1396326 do it on the search then go to fast find then type in that profile number

Did you put that you were a goalkeeper too?

I cant change my search to find men so i cant chat matty up and i cant find any of the lads just updated mine im 6 ft 1 now

Do they all have the subject line "Man seeking Man"?

Ive had 6 e mails already from the dating thing i am a stud.Ive used an e mail address my mrs doesnt know i have

Too dark? Racist bastards.

Nice one Sillsy - I'll get it sent to you now...

Maybe they couldnt fit the nose on the webpage matty?

Shane, you can indeed send it to me to send to her to send to Nemone.

Ive updated my direst dating profile. Its good now. They'll be no resistance to my charms.

I got the reading evening post last night and today, I'll buy it tomorrow but Ill be away thursdy-sat, and I dont think they print it in essex...

My photo on that dating site has been rejected because of.... 'Poor quality image' !!!

They said it's to dark, but I can take a hint!!!

Is the Reading Evening Post a daily? If so can people start buying it from today until Sunday? I'll give you the money back...

Just thought of a chant we could have done - One F in Shefford, There's only one F in Shefford, One F in Shefford, There's only...

Can't really chase Charlotte away, not until I get home! Don't really fancy getting caught on a dating site at work, work be quite embarassing.

We need some more on there... Lewis, Lamb, Chris, Neil, Paul - Thought this was your sort of thing, and you have a valid excuse should your missus happen to be surfing this site.

Johnny Sills - as Cat has been a star and listened to the whole show on more than one occasion, would she like to send in a photo on our behalf - maybe get her name on the Radio? I've got a shot of those of us in the Billy Connolly thing half-naked (top half) and I reckon it'd be good to have someone who knows us send it in. Can I send it to you, for you to send it to her, for her to send it to Nemone?

Somebody should contact Charlotte in Reading, she looks kinda cute. She says she's had some bad boyfriends so you don't even need to be that good to be onto a winner! Not you Matt.

Ok, im all signed up. Im bracing myself for a barrage of emails...

Browny keep your missus off the pitch in future please. I don't mind her coming to watch.

Park House is booked for Thursday 8.30pm if you dont know where it is we can meet at Newbury college but if browney goes he should know where it is for the reading lads...and dont forget to bring £2....

Big kick up field by the cat, not sure if anyone flicked it on and if they did, can't remember who! Neil ran onto it about 10 yards into there half, ran it just inside there box, and poked it passed there keeper into the bottom right hand corner... Thats how i remember it, but it was better than I've explained it!! You might need to 'big it up' a bit....

Have you been told about the dog that was on the pitch???????? Would have been a classic one to talk about if it wasnt for the result!!

Can anyone tell me what Neil's goal was like on Sunday for the write-up?

Can't believe the first thing Adam did after he signed up was search for Matt. I suppose a bit of team bonding is always a good thing but that's a bit much.

I ain't that bad!!

"...makes me sound like an absolute drunk..." Can you believe the cheek of the boy???

Dunno mate - just sent you your ID so maybe that will help?

No Adam, this one is no wind up, unlike the dressing up thing last week. This one is genuine to the point that I even spoke to a Daily Mirror reporter last night and I'm 99% positive they're going to run the story at some point this week. Also, whilst telling someone about it last night and the reason why we're doing it, they said they know the producer of the Jimmy Hill Sunday Supplement on SkySports and is going to give him a call today to see if we can get a mention on Sunday morning!

Good work everyone who's on there so far - the reporter asked whether we'd had any feedback yet so I said he should see our players before he realises what a stupid question that was.

Can't believe it costs a fiver just to talk to people!

Cheers Shane - Apart from the fact it makes me sound like an absolute drunk! My profile is alot better than I am! It keeps saying I need to approve my photo but I can't see where I approve it??

Taken one for the team boys im on the dating thing im apparently an attractive muscular ex professional footballer felling depressed as results arent going the way of my sunday league team any one tells my missus and your dead

I just had a thought. I hope your not stitching me up mr bellamy!! Just searched new members for smiler and didn't see him!! Not that im gay or ought!!

No, the reason we're doing it is in case the Mirror checks out the story and finds us on there. We'll tell Nemone what we've done anyway and send them some links so they can see us on there. Nice one mate!!! See, that's captain material for you...

Im on and im even putting a picture on!! That should get us a few more votes!!! Do we need to put anything about Shefford on there?

People I think could and should participate:-

Matt (done) (top lad)
Dave L
Dave F (I know but you don't need to do anything about it)
Crabbeman
Steve T (interesting...)
Beany
Tony (I know but you don't need to do anything about it)
Rob (I know but you don't need to do anything about it)
Adam (I know but you don't need to do anything about it)
John S (I know but you don't need to do anything about it)
John L (I know but you don't need to do anything about it)
Browny (I know but you don't need to do anything about it)
Smurf (I know but you don't need to do anything about it) (though your impending marriage may give you special dispensation in this case)
If everyone else except Smurf does it, I'll do it. Just to show solidarity with my boys. And to pull. Ahem.

http://www.channel4.com/entertainment/tv/microsites/D/dating/index.jsp

Okay, single guys I need you to do this - whether you do anything after this about it at all is up to you. Basically I've got the Daily Mirror to buy into a story that because our results have been pap and morale is so low that we've signed all the single guys up to a dating agency. Didn't really expect them to go for it but they have. I'm sorry.

Just in case they want to check it out, if you're single (as in unmarried, not just with a girlfriend) then check out the link above, it's Channel 4's online dating service, on the left hand side do an online search and then select register. It's really easy to do, takes a couple of minutes. I've just put Matt on there. If anyone wants me to do theirs then I need your date of birth and postcode, quite happy to do it for you. Text other people who don't read this and tell them to either get online or text me their postcode and d.o.b. For this we'll get into the Daily Mirror boys, top notch or what...

Anyone really objects then that's fine it's not a problem, but we could do with at least 10 of us on there. After that you can never have anything to do with it again.

Cheers,

Shane

p.s. Adam I've contacted Reading FC, not had a response yet

Have we (you) tried Reading FC programme? We're there local team in this comp, plus half our team comes from there.

Um, no. But it's not exactly 'the truth' in the Mirror's case... Let's not talk about it now eh?

Shane what are you telling these news papers to get us in them?? I hope its nothing in connection with these roasting stories that have been going about lately!

Shane

Can you forward us a contact telephone number so that we can give you a
call and see if we can do a fun story on your team.

James Mellor, Deputy News Editor, Daily Mirror

(GENUINE EMAIL...)

Some media tips...

If you want to get in the Sun, phone them up, be consistantly hypocritical, and say you dont want to join the Euro becasue you 'like how gold and shiny the Pound coin is'

If you want to get in the Express, ring up and talk about anything you want. As long as you mention the words 'Tax' and 'Increase', you're assured a place on the front page.

If you want to be in the Mail, call them and be as bigoted and xenophobic as you can be. They'll dedicate a middle page spread to you.

Does such a picture exist Mr. Lamb?! Or would it be computerised effects...?!

most of our squad went to school together didnt they? Tony, Matt, Lewis adam, Crabbeman Browny Steve, Rob and Nigel etc. so they must all have some great pics of each other. Also Neil and Paul must have?! As I have only known you lot since I was 20, I dont have any humourous school pics. I have plenty of nude pics of all your wives and girlfriends, but none of you lot.

Also, just got a flyer through the door for a 'Gaylord Tandoori Takeaway' in Twyford. I wonder if they do any special sauces.

That would be quite funny... A before and after sort of thing.

How about a picture of me when I had long hair?

Oh, did I say too much?

If anyone has any old school photos or anything like that that we could 'leak' to Nemone that may put us in a good light... If you can think of anything that you don't mind sending in, get someone else to send it in so we don't look desparate. Or if you have any embarassing photos of anyone else (Browny the Wildman) then please get them sent...

Reading Evening post in the bag...

Perhaps he made him an offer that he couldn't refuse.

Browny, has your missis been giving out favours again? ;-)

Im going back to Essex Thursday-Saturday, so I wont be at training. Matt, you might be able to win a murder run now!

Ive considered the possibility of one of Blackford's henchmen tampering with my Brolly, it happened so suddenly, one day it was fine, and the next, well, I dont want to talk about it. Maybe it was that guy who stamped on me. Im sure he was one of Blackford's Bitches, I heard him say 'yes sir, I'll try harder sir' at one point when confronted by the Lord Of The Newbury Gangland about his defensive capabilities.

Browny - how? I've already contacted the Sun but any assistance is greatly received. Even from your Mrs.

Matt - good shout on the posters I know exactly where you mean.

John Sills - do you think Blackford had any hand in the demise of your umbrella after those threats in the last game?

ok really pissed off now, just wrote a really long one of these and it didn't work.

So this is going to be short and sweet. Dublin expensive, and drank lots of guiness. My Mrs can possibly get us a small article in the SUN, and unlucky for sunday chaps at least they are out the way now and can concetrate on getting up that league.

Theres a massive one on the side of a building in reading, I think th company is call blowupmedia.com or something like that. Would be great for us to be on there, might have to drop some people though. Can you imagine a forty foot Ghengis looking down on the world? Traffic would be crashing all over the place, little kids would burst into tears, Matt might even stop drinking! Ok, that last one is unlikely, but you get the idea.

Thought I knew of one but had to leg it over there to double check!!

Theres one next to the entrance to the train station, next too the fancy dress shop. There might be two but I didn't really have time to run to the top of the hill, but I could see one.

No mate, I'm talking bigger than bus shelters - like the big ones you get on some garage forecourts or on buildings in London... 48 sheet posters they call them, and I want one...

On the side of the town hall they have a big message board type thing. Not sure if people advertise/promote local events there? Or if it's just used to inform people about whats going on in the town hall only?

Only on the side of bus shelters but there huge!

Blimey, you bounced back quick, a new umbrella already? I reckon you're just on the rebound. We'll fidn you drunk in some umbrella bar soon...

Can anyone think of where in Newbury there are any posters? As in big advertising posters?

decided im gonna go get myself a new umbrella, i need to get over this. If i put an obituary in the paper, will that count towards our shefford column count?!

Good to hear the toe is fine anyway. Just be glad you didn't come on earlier otherwise I'd have been asking you what the score was when you came on, and what the score was at the end of the game...

Morning all.

You will definitely need to get a copy sent or get someone to get you one as he's off work this week and in Miami, he might be a bit pissed of if I demand him come back so I can get a football programme!! But it is for the good of the team and the radio one thing so I will ring and ask! ( just hope he's in a good mood or arguing with his girlfriend over there!!)

Toe is fine, Would have had about half hour on it on Sunday, Ghengis told me to warm up ill be going on in three mins, got 5 minutes at the end!! He's must have picked up his kids McDonalds watch or something!!

Just had confirmation that we're going into the AFC Wimbledon programme on Saturday for their game against Hartley Wintney at Kingsmeadow. Adam will Joe be able to grab us a copy or do I need to make sure someone goes up there? p.s. how's your toe?

Did you know that the german word for umbrella is regenschirm? Doesn't help at all but it's very relevant in this case.

Right thing to do, you don't want to rush back, but at some point life goes on. It's what the umbrella would have wanted.

Also, Ive had to take this week off work on compassionate leave after the umbrella incident.

True, but Johnny Lamb was saying that he is geting annoyed at only winning Man of the Match when we lose!

Not sure what it is baout he defence atthe momen...whisper it, but maybe we are missing Ghengis' pace...?

I hear John Lamb got man of the match, again. About time some of you other 'stars' started getting your names in there, Lamby's playing out of his skin every game while some of you are enjoying a nice walk in the park...

Sounds like a Jekyll & Hyde game? If you had them at 1-1 and then got back to 3-2 then it can't have been that bad. But then when you've worked hard and held on and nearly got back into it and then they still score, it's worse than if you'd never been anywhere near getting into the game in the first place.

Still, Lewis took their keeper out and Hilly gave Frew a bloody nose, so all is not lost. I got a mention on the radio again too. Shame Meridian TV didn't come down, but at least the NWN came along. I'll get cracking on more of this stuff this week, so if anyone has any more thoughts/ideas, let me know.

John S is right, let's now draw a line under an unfortunate fixture start to the season. Even whoever comes 2nd in the league wouldn't have wanted to play Cold Ash 3 times already, and unless the Berks & Bucks Cup really hates us, that's it for this season. Lakeside Cup was never something I cared about this season anyway.

Now we'll have a little run against some teams that we can beat, but we will have to play well. In recent weeks we have actually been playing some lovely football - against Long Wittenham and against Partick, and even against Cold Ash, but we've maybe lacked a bit of composure and belief in defence. It hasn't been the same back 4 that were so solid last season, the midfield haven't been lazy, we've still had numbers back, but somehow we're still letting in soft goals, so that's something for me to think about this week and get sorted. PO will be a good benchmark this week as they've had close results against a lot of the other teams in the league so far, so if we can put in a good show against them we can look forward to the rest of the season with a bit more confidence than we might have at the moment.

An umbrella is a good thing to have and a sad thing to see die John, our thoughts are with you and your family.

Yep - After a piss poor performance like that we owe it to ourselves to pull a decent result out of the bag this week and start playing like we know we can.

Sorry to hear about your umbrella John.

Bollocks. What a shit day. And my umbrella broke. Arse. At least we have the cold ash games out the way now, we can concentrate on getting our league season going and starting to play like a team again, try to find some form.

Bring on Post Office, Im baying for Stevey Tabs blood...