Yes I can Beeny, but I keep it quiet as I wouldn't want to show off or be disrespectful to any opposition!

Hello gentlemen, just wondering if any of you can do what these guys can do?
http://www.killsometime.com/Video/video.asp?ID=260

Forgot Colchestah v Saaaffend is a local derby. Imagine all those second hand car dealers all in one place.

Did any of the Arsenal players have Genghis gloves on? Would have thought they wouldn't be allowed in the Premiership as they might be considered to be "air brakes" where Henry would sprint full pelt into the box and then just hold his hands out to stop immediately and change direction.

Do you know, on Sat only 2 of Arsenal's players DIDNT wear gloves, whilst seven Blackburn players wore short sleeves...

Let's not forget it's a local derby, there will be all kinds of vicious name calling and possible hand gestures. Hell, bottle lids may even have to be removed at the gate, it's that serious...

The words "League One" let you down there Sillsy. Unless you've got the word "Premier" in your division title then you're nobody. If it's preceded by "Ryman League" then all the better in my book.

Me too, I had a special chant and dance prepared ready. I'll be away this week, off to Essex for the big one - Colchester vs Southend... and before you jokers say it isn't big, have a ganders at the League One Table.

Ok - so who have we got next week then? Gutted about this week.

I have had no confirmation either way yet i will make a call tonight and as soon as i know anything i will pass the information on

A bird I work with, her fella plays for Henwick. And apparently all games there have been cancelled this weekend?

One eyed Jacko is a Blue Ball official,secretary i think

LOL - he was probably reffing the game. "Stick with me lads, I'll make ya famous..."

Who the fuck did they beat? And how embarassed must they be? It still sticks in my memory when we played them at Henwick and after we'd scored one of our goals and we were all ready for the kick off their captain was having a right pop at his back four for how they were lining up (before the kick off had even been taken) "You're not even in a line!". Haha. Football genius, I nearly tapped him up to be my Asst Manager.

Looking forward to Sunday lads, get to see a whole game for a change. The dive shop has now closed down so hopefully I should get a bit more time at the weekends for a while. Might even try to get myself fit. And with the evenings getting lighter that just means we're heading towards murder runs, head/catch and mucho shuttle runs again yippee! Might stear clear of the "all you have to do is beat me" line for a while though, could be embarassing.

Lets be up for it on Sunday eh I'm really looking forward to it.

Anyone seen the NWN this week? The Blue Ball are on the 'FRONT' page. They had a booze ban on Saturday night and won there first game in 2 years on Sunday morning!

There's a picture of them and one eyed Jacko is in it!! I'm assuming he drinks in the Blue Ball and was there when the photographer turn up!!

I didn't realise you knew I was injured Smurfy! ;-) But worry not, I shall be making the 50-mile round trip this Sunday morning to support you boys, as it isn't my Nan's 94th birthday or Chelsea - Colchester, which stopped me coming the last two weeks, if that's ok.

And when I said 'Now for Barca', I meant Chelsea-Barca, not that we were through and we are going to play them. I retract my statement!

3rd from bottom in the table gents, by 1 point. Not healthy and we seriously need to wake up now and start getting some points, even if it's just drawing games against teams above us.

We've got no reason to be scared, considering how we played against Hampstead Norreys who are top - but we also have no reason to relax either. If we bury our heads then there's a chance of coming 2nd bottom (bottom isn't gonna happen) and possibly getting put back in Div 2. Even if we stay where we are there's a risk that a league re-shuffle would shunt us down into Div 2 next season.

Nobody wants that and I'm a little worried that the club wouldn't survive that. I know how it feels when things aren't going right - everyone knows that it's an option to just walk away, can't be bothered with it, don't need the hassle and stuff. That's why we need to wake up quick and smell the vaseline...

Sillsy i only send you the group message to keep you in the loop and in the hope that as being part of the team you would turn up if injured to watch and encourage your team mates and overall increase team spirit and moral.

I can see the headlines now if this leaks out Sillsy...

"Londoner puts kiss of death on Arsenal"

"Cockernee boy says it's in the bag"

"Chelsea Pensioner Sills joins Premiership gay orgies - is a fag"

On the phone to my friend at The Star as we speak...

Don't get too far ahead of yourself you aint beat Madrid yet Sillsy

Is that Aaron Skelton, former Col Utd and Luton Midfield player? He had a shot on him...

Can someone tell Smurfy I won't be playing on Sunday? It's too depressing to have to keep replying to his 'are you available Sunday' group texts with 'No, for the fifteenth time, I'm bloody injured'. Thanks.

I hope we all enjoyed the Arse(nal) last night, now for Barca...

Anyone know who we've got on Sunday?

And is everybody aware of the Williams v Skelton fight on ITV on Saturday night? Certainly worth a night in with some Budweiser and hot dogs (even though they're both British). Should be a good scrap cos Williams bottled it last time and didn't turn up, said he had flu. Skelton is a big thug as well so I reckon it's a Skelton win with a nasty knockout.

To be fair we were very unlucky with the goals they scored on Sunday... Penalty - which I didn't think was, as the ball wasn't even on the pitch. A cross that was sliced and flew in the top corner, a tap in after a great save that Smurf pushed onto the post and a Smurf fumble...

If we hadnt lost so many while I was in the team, I'd say you boys couldnt win with me injured.

I'll be coming along on Sunday to shout at you lads, so you better get your asses in gear and start playing the kind of football we used to. How about we plan a celebration for when we score? We havent done that in a while...

Unlucky by all accounts yesterday gents. Yet another 1 goal defecit though, almost as though deep down we're not really expecting to win games, so it seems 'right' when we're a goal behind.

It's all a bit Derren Brown really, simple matter is that more oxygen to the brain will help to solve this - and the only way to get that is to get fitter...

From what I heard though we played some good stuff and just didn't get the breaks, so at least it's not all disastrous. Any news on our league position?

Nips!

Smurfy check the rule book about the £1 per minute thing, reckon that must be against some law or right or something. It's been a long time since I went up against Mr Wild, kinda missed it.

Yoom owes me sexty quid yoom tardy feckers. Oi'll take sexty quid or your arrrse maaaaaster taylor...

Nice one Crabb. Although you might have just saved Miller from a sore arse in Newquay....
Not a lot I can say, as it's all been said!

It should only be £3 or £4 each, so if we all pay for an away game or something the debt will be paid.

Still doesn't wipe away the 6-0 drumming thou, if nothing else we could maybe learn a little from them on Sunday, they played very good football created space for an easy pass, kept it on the deck and used the whole of the pitch, they also gave us no time on the ball, which is how we were playing in the days we were good!

At the moment there seems to be far to much panicking and lumping the ball anywhere, which just loses us possession. If we don't feed the strikers quality balls and support them, goals are always going to be limited.


We need some sort of motivational techniques! A Shefford roar or something! (rather than just Hillys!).

A rally cry from the Captain was perfect timing.

YEAH! GRRR! COME ON BOYS!

Well said allwe all need to kick ourselves in the bum and collective kick each other in the bum, then all kick Shane in the bum, then all watch Smurfy bum Crabbeman...

That is, of course, a sick and wrong joke. We shouldn't kick Shaner.

For your amusement, a snippet from Jeff Winters autobiography...


Jeff Winter on his last game at Anfield:

"I played a little bit of extra time, waiting until play was at the Kop end, before sounding the final shrill blast...the fans behind the goal burst into spontaneous applause. It was longer and louder than normal, even for a big home win. Did they know it was my final visit? Was it applause for me? They are such knowledgeable football people, it would not surprise me."

Cheers Crabbey, my opinion of you hasn't changed at all mate....read into that what you will! I have to say I was more embarrassed by the 6-0 drubbing that followed the kit turning up, as for the fine I'm more than prepared to pay a split between the team if everyone else is in agreeance and show a bit of team spirit. We now have 'I believe' 9 games to try and push ourselves up the table and set up a solid platform on which to start next season, so lets show some passion and get that winning feeling back again!

Crabbeman just wanted to "do a Sol" or, more recently, "do a Butt"

Sadly I can also see Smurf's choice of fine being less financial and more to do with punishing his "a Sol" or his "Butt"

People pay for this sort of quality writing you know.

Crabbeman has been one of the most loyal and hard working servants of this club since the first training session he attended. I had no question in making him my captain and never once questioned that decision throughout my glorious reign as your king.

I think the fans recognise that and everybody feels that it's important to concentrate on our league form rather than looking for scapegoats. Anyone questioning Crabbeman's motivation or commitment should look at themselves first (me included) and then realise that however crap they are in that deparment right now compared to days gone by, they still had a little bit more than Crabbeman did on Sunday morning ;-)

It took a lot of guts for Crabbeman to apologise on here rather than in person. We've all done stupid things after drinking Stella, I once shagged a minger in a mate's bed in the drunken logic that I knew she was too ugly to shag in my own bed. Seemed right at the time. Had to apologise profusely to my penis and my memory the next day. Took a lot of porn to get that mental image out of my head - and porn wasn't as easy to come by in the old days. No pun intended.

In all seriousness - total fuck up but not the cause of a 6-0 defeat. The important thing is that Crabbeman is returning with the right attitude and we all need to drag ourselves up out of the gutter and get on with it. It's a lot harder to do that from this position in the league than if we were in 3rd place, but that's the fact of the matter - you guys need to realise that you're one of the strongest squads in the division, but without the mental push to make things happen you'll never show that on the pitch. We need leaders out there, people with the guts to push themselves even if they don't think anyone else is pushing as hard as they are. People who can pick the rest of the team up by the chinstraps and drag them forward. Then drag them back when the move breaks down.

Smurfy with your permission as soon as it's vaguely light enough I'd like to move training back to Thursday nights and get back outside. I reckon these buggers wouldn't know a murder run if it hit them at the moment. Not their fault, we've all been a little lazy - I'm afraid I've just not had the time for the first half of the season to get involved at all - but I don't want to see the club fall apart and will do my bit, could do with the fitness myself.

As for Sunday, if you need me in goal then just shout - I have my little nieces up for the weekend but will put Shefford ahead of family :-) Just don't tell Julie.

Come on boys, heads up let's get at em.

Well said Mr Crabbe

I am sorry that i let you boys down sunday any sort of fine we get for not starting on time i will pay. I hope no one questions my commitment as i have been a shefford player for 6 years and travelled from reading every week because i love playing football with you lot so much.I no i was bang out of order sunday. i did actually have a knock but i dont think the 15 cans of stella helped!!!! smurf i can understand you being upset and i will accept any punishment you decide on [as long as is it does not involve anal probing!!!!] we really need to pull together now and start getting some results and most of all start enjoying playing football again as personally i have not enjoyed this season at all

Oh fuck that's really not good news at all. Luckily for you guys, I've been brushing up on my goalie training by sitting around and not really doing much at all rather than going to training...

I've heard that Stevie Tab is looking for a glorious return to the game.

We're fucked.

How is Woody? Is he able to walk or is he off work?

Shit!!!!!!

Woody has suffered cartilage damage to his knee. He's got to have more x-rays next week to see how bad the damage is.

Not good news.

What happened Sunday? What was the team? Did Crabbeman turn up? Did Woody get injured?

Smurfy, I start physio (sounds impressive, huh?) on Friday morning. I'll give you a text to let you know what Amanda (my physio, which I start on Friday morning) says. Hopefully I'll be fit again quicker than Matty can run (so thats 2007 then). Only joking Matty. Late 2006. Again, a joke. Seriously, I think I'm ok to run, but not kicking a ball yet, so at least I'll be able to play on the right wing and put in a normal display...

He took a knock late on hoping he should be ok

Who have we got on sunday? So did woody get injured or have i been misinformed?

He text me at 9.25 saying he had taken a knock in a game on saturday and could not play.(He had a house warming saturday night).
Lewis and Browny left Chieveley to go to Reading to collect the kit and on arrival found fuck all wrong with him except hang over.(I had to get Matt out of bed at 9.45 via phone call and he was pissed)
He made no attempt to let anyone know about the kit as Browny could of collected it so all in all im not to impressed.

Matt what game was you watching i was awesome i ran more than Lewis and had better distribution than Beckham and the tackling of Stuart Pearce.
And i stopped one on the line from that big fat fucker.

I tell you what guys despite all the pissing about before kick off that's one hell of a good team on paper, certainly not a squad that you'd think were capable of losing by 6 goals to any of the teams in our division...

Can't believe the £1 per minute fine - Smurf you'll have to check your rule book on that one. I think the fact that both teams were keen to still play the game rather than have it abandoned should count for something.

So does anyone know why Crabbeman didn't make it? Was he just hungover/ill or was it something more serious?

Kicked off at 11.15am - not 11.45am !

Woody, Tony, Grundy, Hilly, Brown man, Matt, Jt, Danny, Neil, Lewis and Miller.

Super Sub: Smurf - Who will no doubt tell you all about the pin point pass he did.... All one of them!!!! It was good to have Neil back, played well considering he hasn't kick a ball in ages, and hopefully he'll continue to play.

Oh, and it was very muddy!

Training has been cancelled. Hopefully it'll start up again when it's lighter in the evening, so we can play outside.

What was the team then? And i heard Woody got injured?

Why did Crabby not turn up? Thats unlike him.

WANKER!!!!!!!!!!

Didn't turn up and had the kit! poor Browny had to drive back to Reading to collect it, so we didn't kick off till 11.45am, got a £1 fine for every minute we were late and typically there was a league official there!!

We had 12 players including Smurf.

What happened with Crabbeman?

CRABBEMAN IS A WANK*ER

What happened boys?!

Sorry Genghis, Jermain Defoe has been arrested...

I'm not sure, it hurts when I walk but nothing too bad; trouble is you can never really tell with a Sprain until you start running on it, and you either fall over in agony like a girl, or the pain subsides and nothing is wrong. Not sure I need physio, I think the doctor ran out of ideas after telling me to rest it (which I have been doing) and offering me a drug that I'm allergic to!

Blimey, so it's a proper strain, rather than a twinge that feels worse than it is. Not good news. How did you manage to do that?

I might not even be a training this week now, my backs playing up again, and I'm still struggling today from Sunday. So if it doesn't improve a lot by tomorrow, I don't think I'll be able to run - don't bother with the jokes!

Sorry Matty lad, I dont start physio for another week so I wont be around for a bit. Still, at least it gives you a run in the team, hey?

Also - There is going to be training this week, as quite a few said they will be there... But only 5 turned up last week.

Westwood didn't play so that's one game in hand used, and 3 points gained which is great.

Chav Friend beat Henwick 5-0. There the only things I know of so far.

Was hard work yesterday and we struggled to actually play footbal for long spells of the game, we seemed to be panicking a lot and just 'hoof'ing it anywhere, then it was just coming straight back at us.

To be fair to them, they played by far the better football, passed it about on the deck, but then we worked bloody hard to break it up and stop them.

They will feel hard done by not to get at least a point, but who give's a fook.

We have the 3pts, job done. - Room for improvement though!

Well done lads that's a bit more like it. I hear that it wasn't necessarily the best footy we've ever played but it's 3 points and that's what we need right now.

Couldn't see any of the game at all in the end, but am hoping to make it to training this week if it's still on.

What have you actually sprained Sillsy? Your note was ambiguous.

Smurfy if you turned up to training, and I did, then I'd give you it then. Either give me your addy or give me your sort code and account number and I'll 'wire' you the dosh...

I've sprained my Knee. Arse.

Oi Shane,if that really is you when do you think you will be able to pay Newquay money seeing as you have ignorantly ignored my text message.

Yeah and there's a good chance he'll hit the window too cos it's right up high on a hill.

Good luck against Bayer on Sunday boys, about time to knuckle down and start running around a bit on the pitch, squeeze the defence all the time and midfield supporting every attack and every defend-ing-bit...

You'll be knackered but it'll make it easier for the next week, etc...

I shall be working hard, not sure whether I'll be in the office or working from home, but if I'm in the office then I shall give you my half time opinion via the wonders of mobile telephony.

...big Charlie potato - W*nker!!

Welcome home.

So if you can see the pitch from your window, theres a strong possibility Lewis could hit it with one of shots - if you can call them shots lately.

R.I.P Fake Shane.......

You'll be sorely missed. You were way better than the real Shane.

Haha well there's not much I can do then. I can talk you through your fluke of a goal against Norreys and then through my belter if you like...?

I can see our home pitch from my desk, and as I may be working on Sunday instead of playing footy then I might get myself a megaphone so I can give you hell if you score early on and wander around acting like Charlie Big Potato again.

ebay here I come...

Nope. Everyone calls me that.

C*nt. Believe me now?

I don't believe your the 'real' Shane.....

Okay I've tweaked the blog slightly - beefed up the security and cleaned up the membership list - logged myself out and back in again and generally messed about with it. The upshot is - now we have an advert at the top of the screen and hopefully now no one can post as anyone else.

Hopefully no harm done.

Sorry about training again last night, I'm pretty much living in the office at the moment. Sounds like attendance has dropped to a pitiful level (along with performances). It's costing Dave money to hire the hall if not enough people turn up each week - he phoned me last night and it sounded like there were only 5 people again.

I guess we should all catch up and talk about it on Sunday to see whether it's worth carrying on with the hall or not...