Have I scored more goals than john sills this year can't remember him scoring any??

Well Im off to Essex, Wales, then Manchester. And a land of no internet access.

Merry christmas one and all, I'll score in the New Year...

New Years resolutions for 2 of our players:

1 Ghengis may update Shefford FC web page
2 Browny may let us see the Blackpool photos

Well your officially 49% chav.

MERRY CHRISTMAS everyone see you in the New Year

Makes you a rent boy.

Sunday was a good night, of what I remember anyway. Some fucker bought me a Man Utd Calender for my Office Secret Santa, think they thought they were trying to be funny. Makes a good doodle board though.
If I don't see any of you lot before, have a great Chrstmas and New year, see ya in 05.

It's better than working, and I get paid to do it!

Merry Christmas to you all lads, I'm not gonna be on here till the new year so have a good one!! sounds like sunday was it's usuall eventfull self!! Have a good new year. See ya all on the 9th!!

Hehe - just because you pull yourself in the office doesn't mean everyone else does.

I got fuck all. And I'm the only person in from now until New Years cause the wankers did the Xmas rota when i was off, leaving no spare days! Cunts.

I don't think a secret santa here would have produced anything as good as Shanes present... Or anything as crap as Pauls!!

Shane - I bet you pulled you own name out of the hat...

Office secret santa just delivered me a book titled "A Hand In The Bush, The Fine Art Of Vaginal Fisting". Merry Christmas everyone.

My taxi driver was nice, even offered to drop the price just for the pleasure of having me in the car with her. Think she was taking the piss. I thought I'd left with you lot, saw you getting in a vehicle figured it was a cab not the Genghinator.

Phat boy probably stopped cos neon doesn't shine through torn flesh very well, plus if he'd had to resuscitate you he'd have probably failed the breath test...

I wasn't trying to pull her at all! I was just after a free hair cut. I don't remember nearly getting run over though? He probably only stopped so I didn't dent his car.

You left with us ( Me Tony and matty). Do you not remember Atkins nearly getting run over by a ruuuuuuud boy? He was dancing in the middle of the road though. We were going to get a taxi then ghengis drove past. Matt still stood in the middle of the road so he had to stop!! We commandeered the vehicle! You had already sprinted of down the road cos you saw a taxi. You did wave and stick your fingers up as you drove off as we were clambering into ghengis's car. Your right about the girls, loads of em, all bush pigs! Especially mattys hairdresser he was trying to pull!!

Cock...

Reading manager Steve Coppell has banned his players from Christmas shopping - in case they get too stressed out.
Coppell wants the squad to focus all their efforts on the push for promotion and has cancelled all festivities.
He said: "As far as I'm concerned, Christmas is over and we get on with business.
"In a way it's easier for the players that way as they can now just concentrate on preparing for this very difficult period."
And any footballers' wives hoping to unwrap the obligatory tacky bling on the 25th can forget it.
"If the players have to go off Christmas shopping then it's not the ideal preparation," said Coppell.
"This may sound stupid, but having to fight the crowds in a busy shopping centre, going off visiting or having people visit you can be demanding.
"The wives wouldn't agree but I don't think footballers should be going Christmas shopping."

I thought you guys got a cab? Who did I leave Liquid with then? Ah well. Dancefloor full of girls, not one worth a second look, you know when you're in Newbury. I did like the style of that porn-star that said to Ad "buy me a drink and I'll see you later" and then proceeded to walk in circuits around the club fancying herself for an hour. Good job, cos no one else did. You'd itch for months if you touched that.

Lewis had your driving license in liquid matty. Good Day/night on Sunday boys. I was ok yesterday after I had something to eat, probably cos I had my hang over on Sunday night. Had a head ache all fecking night! The slapping game Atkins initiated ( That means started matty)
really helped in ghengis's Ute on the way home! Think Tony came of worse though.

Couple of ibuprofen yesterday and I was fine, a little tired but better than I expected to be. John, it's Blue Ball. Blue Boar were the nasty boys from Uffington, don't want to be bringing them on.

....and my driving licence is now officially lost!

I had one leg of my boxers left when I got home. I'll forward them to Mr Wild asap. I didn't wake up until lunch time yesterday so it's a damn good job I wasn't meant to be working!!

Superb result, good night. Merry Xmas, bring on the title chase 2005.

Work was tough, but I got through it, always good to be drunk whilst dealing with peoples money.

Good night yesterday boys, bring on Blue Boar...

Aw'right boiys? Jim ere, Jim Woild. Oi'm glad yoom aaaall enjoyed yooms Christmaaas night owt, but sum baaaastard put a pair o ripped up paaaants through moi letterbox at 4am and oi'm not haaaappy abowt it no. Big bugger's paaants too they were n oi likes little boys. Still, a good sniff or two and oi was feelin a bit better abowt things yes. Oi got the woif to sew em baaack together and now oi'm wearing em. Christmas come urrly so it 'as.

Merry Christmas Swan FC of Sheffurd, wherever yoom be.

Genghis 'fixes' the dish for the gooners... 

Dave tries out his new scratch and sniff hat...

I could do with some caffeine right about now. Otherwise I think I may sleep. And cry. I have no meetings. Phew.

Well played yesterday everyone, and a good night out last night, here I am at work, suffering, but happy having seen Matt's pants literally ripped off him and offered to a lady stood chatting with her boyfriend, along with his credit card and driving licence. Jokes over now.

My head is thumping, which was expected, but my mouth tastes like something I've not really tasted before, which scares me. £30 taxi home too, big female taxi driver, long dark roads, never been more scared.

Do we have a goalie?

I'm surprised Smurf was walking with no aids. I thought he was riddled with the stuff.

Tut. 2 dead arms...

Atkins you grass!!!!

Just seen the really poorly Smurf in the Hogs Heads on his works do! Walking with no aids, other than a pint! Ok, I did get paid to sit in the Hogs for 3hrs myself today but still.

Yes Paul, that was yours wages that paid me.

I'll say it for you mate.... Fucking Council.

You heard it on the radio??? How did it sound? "Yeeeeaaaaarrrrgghhhhh! THUMP Ach no!"?

Well I dont think we are having a scoring comp, but if we did, and I was losing, I would just knee Matty in the back. Wouldn't mean that I would win as I would still have to score, but I'd be happy.

Heard about the Jimmy Krankee thing on the radio...is it approproate to laugh at a 57 year old woman taking a fall?

Yes, obviously. Her kids must be so proud. If she has any. Which she probably doesnt. Lesbian.

http://www.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30000-13264864,00.html

Anyway, I think Mr Lamb is planning on getting the last train home, which presumably is after 8pm, so he's quietly confident.

Sesquipedalophobia is the fear of long words

Made me laugh Matty when you said about covering James's ass at left back...good joke.

Id like to be a Lord I think, but Im not to bothered.

Do we think Mr Lamb will make it past 8pm this time?

Oh and Im pleased that you're back James, its like youve never been away.

Literally.

I havent been here for a couple of weeks so I really havent noticed that you had gone.

How Dare You.

P.P.P.P.S I once knew a guy who every one called sir only because he filled the front of end of an ford escort bloody huge bloke, I think I'd also like to be a sir, Sir James Green!! Dreams up so many different aspirations of my porn career!! (In my Dreams)!!

Cheers boys, Appriciate it. It's bloody good to be back!! I'm not training tonight and not available for the sunday as I'm going to centre parks for the weekend but might get some five-a-side action (in the football sense!!). Anyhow have a great weekend lads and I'll see you all soon,

P.S is there any training on thursday before the christmas weekend??

P.P.S can you remember the last time any one put P.S on the end of a blog??

P.P.P.S.................................and so on!!!

Yeah... That's great news Beanie. I'll look forward to covering your arse at left back! Seriously, that is great news. No-one ever wanted you to go, and we're glad that you were going to see out the rest of the season. And I don't blame you for not wanting to be an Essex boy, ruins your footy career.

Although you'd have been the only essex boy with a goal to there name this season....

Unfortunately we're struggling with lifts up to the half way, we have 5 people and four spaces, so I can't help with the lift from the station situation. If we find another driver we'll have 3 spare seats, we're going up there about 2.30pm/3pm, if that's any good to anyone.

It's great to hear Mr Lamb will be attending! If he could get hear for 9am we could give him a run out.

I'd rather be a 'Sir'.

Sir Matty Atkins

Anyone can be a Lord, you can buy a title (I think even off Firebox.com as a Christmas gift these days, or for returning the coupon in a bottle of Laphroaig whisky) and I don't think you can become a "Sir" without allegedly earning it "Sir Alex, ha" so I'm quite happy being an Ubermeister.

Why is that a question you're asking?

Question of the day...

Would you rather be a Lord (not in the Steve Tab way...) or a Sir?

I know you're probably a bit gutted about the two moves Beeny, but it's good to have you back mate, no one in their right minds thought you'd wanna hack it out for long travelling all the way back here on a Sunday morning to play footy, so to know you're back for good (as Take That put it), is great news for us.

As for Sunday, great shout Paul the last time I was on telly my knob was out too - trouble is it was on Today With Des And Mel. That was the end of my career as a celebrity chef I can tell you.

Anyhow - might not be able to make training tonight, but shall see you all Sunday. I am picking John Lamb up from the station at some point so when he tells me his train time I will tell you and if any of you are in at around that time then you can get a lift with me. If you're not, I will be back at the pub getting drunk so you're on your own.

We have to watch tha arsenal match just think how much you can rip the piss out of me and sills if we lose which could well happen at the moment as we have got that dodgey spanish bloke from fawlty towers in goal!!! smurf wont want to miss an opportunity like this!!! Plus i dont really want to see myself breaking someone leg or getting booked for telling the ref to fuck off again

It is indeed time for me to score this season. In my defence, I have been in goal scoring positions 943 times so far, but unfortunately 941 of those times, Lewis had the ball. the other 2 I buggered up.

Beany, how come you're back?! What was so wrong with Essex? I knew it would fall apart if I left. Watching the Shefford match sounds good (although it may reveal some horrible truths...), but I think we shouold watch the Arsenal match as well...

Good Afternoon Gentlemen, Just thought I'd post cos i haven't for a while!!

To keep you all informed I have moved back from harlow to thatcham as things haven't quite worked out as expected, I'm still with my girlfriend but essex is just to much of a weird place to live ( take a look at john sills for meaning of this).

This means I will be available for training again, and such forth festivities.
I'm still away this weekend so unable to play and also attend the merryment that will exsume on sunday!!!

Anyhow in the mean time it's good to be back and will be good to see you all soon.

Ta Ta for now!!

I'm happy to be cameraman for the game, I'm assuming I'll at best be one of the subs and as I'm suffering from a stinking cold and seriously unfit that I'll probably be "4th sub" or "browny" as it's known in the game.

Think I should try and clear this taping of a game thing up. Paul wants me to bring my camcorder to the game this week so someone can sit there and record the game (providing its not raining) Then while everyone is having a few at the half way we connect it to the TV and watch the game whilst drinking. Paul thinks it could be quite funny watching it when everyone's wasted and taking the piss out of each other.

Sillsy - Don't you mean it's time for you to score a goal... this season?

I'm confused about this taping the game thing too. But no-one seems to be answering so I'll just talk to you John (and Smurf).

I don't think so Mr Sills i have checked with the Met office and they are not forecasting Gales this sunday so no goal of the season for you.

Hello? HELLO?! Did anyone read my post or has it been ignored on purpose you slags? Are you talking about taping the Shefford match?! Imagine the celebrations if we score...time for a goal of the season, me thinks...

Is Neil not playing in the match? Sounds like a fun idea but I'd rather Neil played and we pulled off a much needed result!!

Taping what match? Arsenal are playing Pompey at 4. Us Reading boys are going to rush back after the Shefford match, get changed and head back just in time for the Arsenal game, might need a lift from Newbury station to the Halfway though.... just thought I would mention that....could be a drink in it for someone...

yeah sounds good to me, could be a laugh. How are we off for squad on Sunday, anyone definitely not available?

Ghengis i need to know what is going on goalkeeper wise as my cousin is chomping at the bit and ready to go he has not stopped ringing me

I'll get you that spreadsheet today Mr Williams.

A fiver for half a pint?! You're living in a dream world Matty. I'll bring my cheque book...

Ghenginator when are you going to update shefford web page? I know yu are pretty busy doing all your Jackie Chan stuff 3 times a week but it isdoing my head in when i get on it and it says " Goalkeeper smurf giving one more season a go "

Atkins consider yourself a dead man walking

Your so kind Mike.

Hamster Norreys I was told a few weeks ago. Followed by the 'The Session' where we get Smurf drunk and watch him, and laugh.

...and watch Sillsy buy his half pint with a fiver, and argue it was a twenty! Once a student, always a....

Does anyone know if we have a football game this Sunday?

Sorry I didn't make training last week, needed to give my back a week off.

Smurfy, youve really let yourself go...

http://www2.b3ta.com/merrychristmas/

Crank up your volume and sing-along its christmas

I think the lack of any reaction says it all...

I'm getting my mum some Fabregas for Christmas.

Not to shabby a result, but why the f*ck is that Alumnia playing for us. I dont usually get annoyed with foreign players because they are quality players and for their price, we cant get as good players from England. But for gods sake, Stuart Taylor is a far far better keeper than him, and probably as good as Jens if a bit short of experience, and if we sell him I wont be happy. Stack is more questionable, but Taylor should have been the sucessor to big Dave without question.

Apart from that, I thought Fabregas was fantastic, what a player for a 17 year old, if he keeps going the right way, he will be the worlds best midfielder. Just hope he stays at Arsenal, with Reyes and Van Persie up front (both 21), Toure and Sendoros at the back (23 and 18), Hoyte and Cole full backs (18 and 22), you get the picture....

N.B. I may have got the ages slightly wrong, but if anyone picks up on them, I'll kick the ball at you at training. I'll miss, but the person standing next to you wont be happy.

Not really too nervous to be honest, pretty confident. More nervous about the Chelsea match, but then I would always prefer to win the premiership over Europe...

Shame you weren't available on Sunday John, we needed someone to take it out on after the game.

Bet it's been a while since Arsenal fans were this nervous about going into a home game against a bunch of Norwegian part-timers eh?

Ola Ladies,

I wont ask to much about Sunday, got a text from Crabbeman about it while I was away, the people in the cafe we were in seemed to be somewhat surprised to hear an English lad effing and blinding at 3pm on a Sunday. Its great though, you can say cu*t to them and they dont have a clue! Not that I would do that, very immature and uneducated. But quite funny at 8am when you havent been to bed for 40 hours and have just got out of a club which charged £5 a pint...

We'll have to wait for Genghis to confirm, but it looks like we might not have a game on Sunday. Had a message on my phone last night from Westwood, they're still in the Berks & Bucks Cup (???) which takes priority over league fixtures. Genghis is just checking with Dave Piper as to whether they can rearrange us another game in case another team is sat without a fixture too, so we'll have to wait and see, but at the moment - no game Sunday.

I used to hate them, but was pleased to see the Matt Le Tiss look-a-like and the Northern-boy defender with the ponytail omitted from their squad. Don't forget they've got the fire in their bellies this season cos they're 2nd in the league and can smell promotion, whereas we're having s a somewhat more relaxed season this year. There are plenty of worse teams, but then even Cold Ash had got better than they used to be. Chav Friend are a horrible bunch of benefits fraudsters, there's not many teams I'd rather not have to play again than them. Blue Boar, being possibly the only one, and even they were alright til Crabbeman tried to break all of their legs...

I turned to there centre back in the second half and said 'god, do you ever stop moaning' and he goes "moan, us, you obviously haven't played cold ash lately" !!

Just thought I'd add that. Although they were moaning a lot, running up to the ref etc. They weren't nasty like you said, I just seem to hate them! Not as much as Partick thou. And we've lost to them both. Wankers.

I thought they were okay - they've lost two of the main players who were right whingers, not good enough to be making the noises they made and made me want to throw bricks randomly just to de-stress. Sadly, those two were also a bit wank, whereas they were all reasonably decent players yesterday. Beatable for sure, they were far from untouchable, but it wasn't a nasty game. Mateyboy gave Tony a bit of a roughing up but Tony had him handled except for that 10 minute spell when he notched two goals. But he seemed alright. Quite look forward to playing them again cos I think if we have a bit more discipline, concentration and like you say, belief, then we can more than match them.

Another dead arm specialist...

Great.

No-one is blaming you for any of the goals Shane, we were all to blame as we should have picked them up long before they got shots off.

We can bounce back from it, we've done it before, will do it again. Just need to beleive in ourselves a bit more and try and play our game and get the ball on the deck.

....and make sure we give them a damn good thrashing at our gaff. I hate Vodafone.

And a Taylor. I suggest you all find yourselves alternative masturbation techniques asap cos if he tries to give you a dead arm, it's gonna stay dead.

Cant really blame you Shane as you done us a favour by going in goal.I spoke to to my cousin and he said he will sign,for those of you that don't know he is about 6ft 5 and a goalkeeper.

Sorry about Sunday boys - that 3rd goal really cost us dear. Other than that 10 minutes and a few spats of dodgy defending I thought we showed a good bit of character keeping our heads up and taking the game to them at 6-1 down. We knew that was a dodgy scoreline and they knew it too. To snap out of it like you did was quite an effort so don't be too gutted about it. We're still good enough to go up this season if things go our way, and we're way too good to go down, so we can use the rest of the season to continue to gel together like we have in the last two matches. Vodafone are a good team, but they're really not that much better than we are at the moment and no better than we can be.

Tough game Sunday boys Vodafone are a strong team but we beat em last season and we've beaten em before that too so it's gonna be a hard, concentration-filled, 90 minutes. In the meantime, office christmas party tonight so bring on the beer...

Your such a girl I bet your medicine is that banana flavored stuff taken on a tidy little plastic spoon!

Adam posted this on my account. Dead arm I reckon.

Your probably still be pissed from Sat night anyway so you won't even notice!

Your such a girl I bet your medicine is that banana flavored stuff taken on a tidy little plastic spoon!

Adam posted this on my account. Dead arm I reckon.

Your probably still be pissed from Sat night anyway so you won't even notice!

Yes mate it is. Ill give you a ring about quarter past, twenty past 9 when im just coming into baisingstoke. You should be ok smurfy, not planning on a heavy one on saturday night. Speak to ya sunday morning.

Adam is that a definite yes for sunday if so i will guide you in by phone when you are in Basingstoke.
Matty i want you to be scoring and assisting sunday.
Just thought i hope i dont have a reaction to my medication with all the alcohol fumes in the car with you.

That's fair enough Smurf, Lets hope Lewis gets a few goals to boast my tally.

I'm struggling with my hamstring after last nights killer step-up fiasco - which the Reading boys missed I might add! Everyones fitness should be up thou after a 8.30pm - 10pm training session!

Well Gentlemen, I am offski to Barcelona. My seat in the Nou Camp for Barce vs Malaga is being warmed up as we speak...

Good luck sunday, another result will do nicely. Although if we can win, with the midfield playing really shit, that would be better from my point of view.

Oi!

I can only give in to one of those demands Mr Atkins.
Crabbeman ask Browny if you can borrow his flag for sunday

Bastard. That means I have to get up early as well. Otherwise I'll have to drive half cut. You better make sure your quiet so I can get some kip.

This lift is on strict terms and conditions

1) A starting place
2) Man of the match
3) I get credited with Lewis's goals.
and
4) You transfer 5 of the dead arms you usually give me, on to Ghengis.

Thankyou gentlemen you will be able to get me at about 9.30 as it only takes 20-25 minutes to get to Henwick from Basingstoke.Your assistance is very much appreciated.

I just spoke to Lewis and he will drop you off afterwards smurf.

Yeah I can be your chauffeur for the day smurf. I'll let ya know what time. Guessing ill pick you up bout 9 ish, but ill confirm via a telegram. I have a meal to go to straight after that ive already put back a couple of hours, so ill make sure lewis or atkins can give you a lift back after.

What is the chances of me scrounging a lift from somebody for the game this sunday? I know Adam offered ages ago via text if i ever needed a lift so if any one could help me out please let me know.

Is it possible to have semi-wood? Bolsa wood maybe? Beeny doesn't come to training anymore anyway after he became a Londoner like you John. Oh... Knees ap mavver braaaaan.... Oi!

(All cockney songs end in "Oi!" with the obligatory thumb-up towards your shoulder whilst kicking your leg out) Maybe it's becawwws I'm a landanaa... Oi!

Beanie might...

In fact be worried if anybody has wood tomorrow night.

You'd better be worried if I turn up tomorrow night with a long, smooth piece of wood Mr Sills.